Written by : Salsadila Sindya Dewantari.
This article has submitted for UNS International Essay Competition.
Patriarchal culture is something that we should omit from this world. This culture caused women to still be seen as second class humans. Even in some places, they are considered as a property, not humans anymore. They are expected to say yes to their husbands and their husbands never accept no as an answer as husbands see them as a slave. Furthermore, they must not have an opinion, voice, and also opportunities to develop themselves. Worse, their lives have no meaning. They are able to be killed if men see them as 'useless pricks'. Even in some places, until now, they still force their daughter to get married at such a young age. They never care about some problems that may occur later. In addition, they also believe that women are created to be their sexual slaves and also servants. This problem caused a movement, which is called feminism, which is fighting for gender equality.
Here, I would like to explain about how feminism has modified the whole world. However, before jumping to that, I would like to explain about Patriarchy first.
A. Patriarchy.
1. Patriarchy and the practice of Patriarchal Culture.
Patriarchy is a social organisation marked by the supremacy of the father in the clan or family, the legal dependence of wives and children, and the reckoning of descent and inheritance in the male line (Merriam Webster, 1632). Simply, Patriarchy is a system which is marked man as the only one who has power in society. In a family, father has a higher social class than mother and also kids.
Then the son has more privilege than the daughter. Man is more special than woman. It can be seen in the workplace, in which men always have more salary than women, even though they have the same rules. Then, from an educational perspective, when a woman decides to pursue her dreams to finish her master degree, they will be considered as a woman who has rejected her nature (it actually happened to my mother). There is no room for women to improve themselves in this culture.
They are just considered as a 'thing' which only have 3 tasks that are called dapur, sumur, kasur, in Javanese language. It means a woman is only able to cook for her husband, clean the household, and become a sexual slave for her husband. It is actually true that in some cases, like running, men are greater than women. Men are having bigger muscle mass than women so that they can run faster. Nonetheless, it can't be a reason to practice Patriarchy.
It has actually caused a loss to women, as this patriarchy caused women to become a second class person in this society and they are also seen as clueless people who have not had a choice for their own life.
This Patriarchy System caused a practice of Patriarchal Culture in society which we can't be denied. There are some countries which still practice this country, like India, Peru, and some people in Indonesia too. Couple days ago, I saw a video from Hanifa, one of the YouTuber story tellers. In that video, she talked about Jassi Sidhu, an Indian who has become a victim of an honour killing culture in India. She was killed by her mom and uncle, Surjit Singh. Jassi Sidhu is an Indian who was born and lived in Canada.
Even though she lived in Canada, she was raised in Indian ways, which still believes in Patriarchal Culture, like what I have been mentioned before. Jassi forbade to go everywhere. If she was given the permission, she must be accompanied by her man family member. She forbade to go by herself. In her big family, men are people who have ruled the family. Jassi always obligated them. She became a good woman. Until one day, Jassi met her lovers, Sukhwinder Singh Sidhu or Mithoo while she was visiting relatives in India. Long story short, they eloped as Jassi's family was not accepting Mithoo.
Well, Mithoo's family was not coming from a first social class family like Jassi's. On the other hand, her family has arranged their marriage with a man who is much older than Jassi-it is proven that in Patriarchal Culture woman has no choices in her life, right? Long story short, her mom finally knows about this marriage and she, together with Surjit, Jassi's uncle, decided to kill Jassi and Mithoo.
Fortunately Mithoo survived, but not with Jassi. Until now, I am still wondering how she could do this. It is true that in some religious values, mother is the key to everything. So that we have to obligate her. However, it is not able to be a reason for her to kill her own daughter. After all, the one who undergoes Jassi's life is Jassi, not her mom. Well, this case is the proof that the practice of Patriarchal Culture is very cruel.
2. Gender Roles and Stereotyping in Patriarchal Culture.
2.1 Gender Roles.
Men and women in the Patriarchal System mostly have 2 roles. Women are identified as home makers, men are identified as breadwinners. Simply women are only able to do things in Domestic, while men have more privilege for doing something in Public. I will explain about these two roles more below.
A. Domestic.
Just like what I have stated before, in Patriarchal Culture, women are only able to do domestic work, like cleaning, cooking, and works that are related to the household. They are not having a chance to live outside and develop themselves, like what has happened to R.A Kartini. For women who have dreams, they will be considered as people who never accept their nature. Even in this modern world, they still live in prison, forced to get married at such a young age, and most of them have no idea how to quit from that tradition.
B. Public.
Contrary to women, men have more privilege in this patriarchal culture. Men have more chances to live outside and develop themselves. They do not have an obligation to do domestic work. Even, they are a ‘boss’ in their home. They can do whatever they want, chase their dreams without a limit, and show their voice outside. If women’s life is like in prison, men’s life is like in a kingdom.
2.2 Stereotypes.
There are a lot of Stereotypes of women and men which have developed since then until now. They are :
A. Women should get married before 24.
In a big moment, like Eid-Al Fitr, usually Indonesian people hold family gatherings. Big families members, who are not able to gather on usual days, are usually together on that day. On that day, the common thing to say is “When will you get married? What are you waiting for? You have already had everything.” It is not only asked to women, but also men.
However, it’s more burdening for women, as usually they have a burden to bear kids, which will be having higher risk with age. That is true that at the age of 35 or more, women are having higher risk for being pregnant. Nonetheless, we live in the era of technology. There are a lot of women who bear their kids at the age of 35 more. They are Nicole Kidman, who was bearing her first kid with Keith Urban at 41. Next is Mariah Carey. She was bearing twins at the age of 42. Then there is Janet Jackson, the younger sister of Michael Jackson, was bearing their kids at the age of 50.
Well, back to the topic, actually women are able to get married at the age of 24 more. Even they have a choice for not getting married. It is not a thing which can be debated as it is merely about someone’s choice.
B. Woman who is not able to have kids is not a real woman.
They say that the nature of women are getting married, bearing kids, then taking care of them. Women who have not born kids, either by choice or not, are always marked as women who reject their nature. Well, maybe they have not known about child-free marriage. Couples can choose not to have kids in a marriage. Some of them choose to adopt, some of them choose to not have kids at all. In western culture it is normal, but when it comes to our culture, it is considered as abnormal.
Some months ago, Gita Savitri, a youtuber who lives in Germany declared her choice to undergo child-free marriage. I saw the comment section, most people bring religious verses to judge her. To be honest, I was shocked by her bold decision. It is very brave to talk about the idea here. However, it is actually her life. People can choose whatever they want for their life, including having kids or not. Furthermore, in certain conditions, there are some women who are not able to have a kid because of medical conditions.
C. Women who have “lost” their virginity are not worthy.
Last year, I remember that one of Dangdut singer in Indonesia said that nowadays women cannot protect themselves as a lot of them choose to have sex before marriage. Then she added that it is because of the development of technology, since they can ‘reshape’ their hymen if they have lost it before marriage. Well, actually, quoted from http://everydayfemisism.com, virginity is a social construction which comes about because of the commodity for women.
Usually men are appreciated because of sex, but not with women. Losing the virginity before marriage will make them like a slut. In Patriarchal Culture, we are taught that virginity is like a commodity. Worse, some of them still have misconceptions about the concept of virgin and hymen. People still considered that hymen is everything. In addition, women should be bleeding on her first night, or while they have sex with her husband for the first time. Bleeding showed that they are still virgin, and it happens when their hymen are ripped.
However, in medical context, hymen is not everything. It cannot be the standard of virginity, as it can be teared because of medical reasons, like when people are cycling and doing extreme sports. People lose their virginity after having sex for the first time and we cannot differentiate either our partner is virgin or not. Bleeding on the first night is not a must. One of the famous obgyn in Indonesia, dr. Boyke Dian Nugraha, said that it shows the sign that we are not relaxed enough. So that it caused bleeding.
D. Men are not able to cry.
“Hey you are men. Real men will never cry, so please don’t cry.” I often heard that kind of statement from people. Actually this can affect their psychology. Men are still human, so they still have feelings. Their feelings are also valid. They are able to cry, feel sad, overthinking, and maybe feel overwhelmed in this life. In addition, they can also still show it to others without accepting the shaming from them. They have rights to express their expression.
3. Things which are caused by this practice.
Home should be the safest place of someone, but there are many women who are not feeling safe in their own home. Why do they feel so? The practice of patriarchal culture puts women into dangerous places. There are many domestic violences which are caused by this culture. Based on Komnas Perempuan’s data, there are 299.911 cases of women’s violences.
There are 8234 cases which are handled by Komnas Perempuan. Amongst those, there are 79% (6.480) of marital violence. Then amongst those 6.480, the first place is occupied by 3.221 cases of marital rape. Most likely, the victims are women. Second place, there are 1.309 cases of dating violence. Then, the third place is occupied by daughter violence. There are 954 cases of those. The rest are cases which are done by ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, and also labour violence.
Besides those, there is also a violence which is called marital rape. Quoted from www.vawnet.org, approximately 10-14% of married women are raped by their husbands in the United States. Furthermore, women who are raped by their husbands usually experience other violence. It often involves threatening of violence, several physical violences, and also the use of weapons by men against her partner. Nonetheless, not all people treat this case as same as ‘the usual’ rape. Moreover, I often talk about it to friends and relatives, their response is like, “You are weird. It is impossible to happen.” Again, it is because in patriarchal culture, husbands can treat his wives as they want. They never know that marital rape is fatal.
There is a case from woman, who is just bore her kid, then her husband ask her to have sex. She actually refused this, but her husband forced her. Long story short, she was raped by her husband. Then it happened twice, not only one. Couple days later, the wife was bleeding and hospitalized. Unfortunately, she passed away as she lost much blood. After she passed away, the doctor asked the husband about what he did to his wife.
The husband did not admit it at first. However, the doctor showed the proof that he found rips inside wife’s organs. Then the doctor added that the rips are only caused by penetration. After that, the husband willy-nilly admitted what he had done. It is very tragic for the baby who lost the mother just because of the ‘lust’ of the father. Worse, the case was stopped, as the family still considered that it was taboo and normalized what that guy did to his husband.
Because of that happening, we have to fight that discrimination. Patriarchal Culture does not fit anymore with nowadays situations, so that there is a movement which is called feminism. What is feminism? I would explain it more here.
B. Feminism
1. What is Feminism and What it isn’t.
Feminism is belief in and advocacy of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes expressed especially through organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests (Merriam Webster). Simply, feminism is about how all genders can have equal rights and also opportunities. Feminism seeks the equal treatment between female, male, and also other genders.
Why do I say men and other genders, not only women? Well, there are people who still have misconceptions about this idea. Some still consider that feminists are reverse sexist, like men oppress women. Well, actually this movement is not only creating for women, but also for men and others. Just like what I have stated earlier, this movement seeks gender equity for all genders. It is not only about women.
In addition, I was ever asked by someone about the spotlight of this movement. Why does that idea seem only for women? When we learn about history, there are many women which have been an object since then until now. Women are having more risk to become the rape victim, domestic violence victim, the tradition of honour killing, etc. Furthermore, if we see the television, internet, or statistics, most of the violence and sexual harassment victim are women. That is why this movement (seems) focusing on women.
2. The implementation of gender equity movement in daily and industry life.
In some countries, feminism has gone well. Even in some industries, they also support this movement much. For example, music platforms. It can be seen from Spotify. I opened my spotify, just now. While opening Spotify, I found a playlist which has a title “EQUAL.” This playlist contains music which is made by women. It’s not only music, but also there are podcasts which are hosted by women. When a platform which is as big as Spotify has already taken the actions involving this movement, it shows that gender equality has moved everywhere and (almost) changed the world.
Not only in music, but also in a startup company. Maybe some of you have already known about Najwa Shihab. She is one of the famous News Anchors in Indonesia. She created a startup which is called Narasi. Through Narasi, she wants to prove that women also can lead a company, not only men. All of Narasi’s directors are women, and almost all its employees are also women. Besides that, Najwa Shihab also brings a message that women should stand up for one another. Women must not be shy or afraid to talk about their ideas, as we are the same as men. We are humans who are still eating the same meals as them too. It is not easy though,but it is possible to do.
Still related to what Najwa Shihab has tried to convey to us, I also would like to tell you about my mother. She is a headmaster in Senior High School. In her career, she often faces many ‘rejection’ from men, even until now. Why does she receive that? The reason is because she is a woman. Sometimes, people are belittling her. They think that she cannot do anything and is not qualified enough to lead a school. I think that the kind of arguments are ad hominem and gender bias. However, she has proven that she is qualified enough to lead a school. Until now, she has become the only woman who leads States Senior High School InTulungagung and her performance is also the same as men.
3. How Feminism Modifies the Whole World?
Surely, it has made people happier, especially for those who experienced gender discrimination. The feminists activists have proven to the world that women’s rights are human rights. There are no differences between us, since we are living under the same roof.
Quoted from www.mic.com, there are many proofs of how is the struggle of feminist activists to make feminism modifies the world. What are they?
A. They pushed pop culture icons to join the fight.
On her latest albums, Beyonce explicitly proclaims that she is a feminist. Earlier in her career, together with her girl group Destiny’s Child, she made hit songs such as ‘Independent Women’, ‘Survivor’, ‘Say My Name’, ‘Bills, Bills, Bills’, and ‘Girls’. It was conveying the strength of women, their resilience, the importance of self-belief and supporting each other.
Not only that, in 2011 she also made another hit solo single which is titled “Run the World.” There is a lyric ‘We're smart enough to make these millions, strong enough to bear the children, then get back to business.’ It was made in order to empower girls. This song is very famous and it has become a feminist anthem for generations.
It is actually not only Beyonce, but there are other Pop Culture icons, like LupitaNyong’O, Madonna, Emma Watson, Angelina Jolie, and many more. They are all representing a cultural shift in how we perceive women, women of color and the feminist identity. The involvement of them is very good, as they have already been known by people around the world. It helps the spreading of the idea of feminism.
B. They focused attention on domestic workers' rights.
If we talk about feminism, we also talk about humanism. Feminism is not about females, but also humans. In America itself, domestic workers like nannies, home care workers and housekeepers earn below the minimum wage. So that it triggered the labor movement.
In Indonesia itself, the issues which are faced by labor, besides earning below the minimum wages, is about maternity leaves. Many people consider that maternity leaves in Indonesia is inconvenient, as it is lesser than another country. In Estonia, women get maternity leaves for 1,5 years. In the United Kingdom, they get 52 weeks, and they still get a salary. Meanwhile in Indonesia, they only get three months. I think that Indonesia’s government should revise this rule. At least, they get a maternity leave for six months, as baby needs exclusive breastfeeding in that six months.
C. They made the workplace a little more equal — for everyone.
When chosen to be a President, the first piece of legislation Obama signed into law was the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. It gave women more time to sue an employer that paid them unfairly. It happened because of pressure from feminist thinkers. Women also have rights to get convenient pay, as before that they make less for the same work as men. Without feminist activists, the pay gap would likely be bigger than it is today.
As it stands now, women on average make only 77 cents for every dollar a man makes. The number gets worse when it comes to black and latina women. This situation is telling us how far we have to go that this legislation was considered controversial when it was just making a common-sense adjustment to an existing law.
D. They proved that the next big thing in science could be discovered by a woman.
Compared to the former era, most women nowadays are exposed to access to education. Most women can pursue their dreams. It is different from Kartini’s era. Well, actually we also can call her as a feminist activist, as she also fought for gender equity.
In the modern era, we are able to find many women who contribute to the development of science. One of them is Dewi Nur Aisyah. She is an epidemiologist from Indonesia. She is working at Emerging Zoonotic and Infectious Disease – Health Policy Research Group, Universitas Indonesia. She also studied until her Doctoral Degree. Not only that, she got her PhD from the UK, together with her husband. Her name has become more famous since the Pandemic of Covid-19.
Besides that, the former first lady, Michelle Obama has been fighting for the importance of steering girls toward careers in science, technology, engineering and math. She said that "If we’re going to out-innovate and out-educate the rest of the world, we've got to open doors for everyone.” She also added, "We need all hands on deck, and that means clearing hurdles for women and girls as they navigate careers in science, technology, engineering and math."
4. Do we still need this movement in nowadays situations? Is it still relevant?
Feminism activists have made wonderful progress nowadays. Let’s say in the last five to ten years, society has become more egalitarian. Some workplaces and school places have become more friendly to women. Furthermore, in some places, the Patriarchy System no longer exists. So, many people consider that we have not needed this movement anymore. Nevertheless, in some other places the practice of Patriarchal Culture has not ended. There are many discriminations which are accepted by women in many aspects. That is why we still need this movement until every woman feels ‘safe and secure.’
The struggle has not finished here. There are many problems which we should face today as in :
A. The Culture of Victim Blaming.
I often find the statement, “Oh, she is worth to rape. Look at her appearance while she was raped. She wore a whore-clothes.” From there we know that nowadays victim blaming culture has not ended. Actually clothes are not the indicator of someone being raped. It is not a matter of clothes, but the rapist mindset. Why am I able to say this? As two years ago, in Bandung, there was a clothing exhibition for sexual violence survivor. There are twelve sets of clothes which were displayed there. Eight from twelve clothes are trousers, shirt, and hood. Earlier, in Belgia there was the same exhibition too. It was titled “Is it my fault?” There, visitors could find that the clothes which were used by them, while they were raped, were regular clothes. Furthermore, in the first month of 2020 there was a case from Reinhard Sinaga which raped hundreds of guys in Manchester. The victims did not wear ‘the inviting’ clothes too. So that the thing that we should repair is the rapists mindset. It is not merely about clothes.
B. In my surrounding, women are still considered as a ‘second lead’ while it comes to relationships (marriage).
There are many men who will feel that women hurt their pride and ego while women have more salary than them. Especially when they have got married. Somehow, in their mindset, they are the one who should be the greatest and the most superior at home. Ayu Utami, one of the feminist writers in Indonesia always criticize it. She considered that marriage law in Indonesia is not fair yet. In Indonesia itself, while two people decide to get married, the men will automatically become the head of a family. However, when it comes to practice, there are many wives who are leading the family and becoming breadwinners, but they do not get the fair confessions. No matter what happens, they are the second lead. Fact that I have explained earlier may seem taboo here, but the fact exists.
As I have explained there, it can be a clear reason why we still need feminism. It is not about telling women what they should do. Feminism is about supporting and empowering people. It is not merely about men versus women. It is about gender-based violence, people with disabilities and other marginalized people. It is about the wrong stereotypes that have created and stay in our mindset for years. I hate the way people concept toxic masculinity. I hate the way people in my surrounding get the discrimination, just because their gender. Then I also hate the fact that women are still become victims of gender discrimination, victims of sexual assault, and do not have access to some aspects. That is why we still need feminism, even until today.
As a conclusion, I would like to summarize that feminism has made a lot of changes in our society. Feminism is like a light in the middle of dark Patriarchy. I consider that everyone should be a feminist and fight for gender equity. Why do I say that? As there are a lot of things that we should fight, as there are still a lot of gender discriminations, sexual assault, and the culture of victim blaming. We need more people to become aware about this problems.
References :
BILLY K. SARWONO. 2013. Gender bias in a patriarchal society : A media analysis on virginity and reproductive health. Digilib UI.
Raquel Kennedy Bergen. February 2006. Marital Rape : New Research and Directions. OJP Gov.
https://www.mic.com/articles/87809/23-ways-feminists-have-made-the-world-better-for-women
Youtube Channel : Hanifa.
Youtube Channel : Kompas TV.
Merriam Webster. (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/patriarchy)
www.vawnet.org
everydayfeminism.com
https://www.thoughtco.com/what-is-feminism-3528958
https://thedailyaztec.com/98243/opinion/we-still-need-feminism-to-enact-social-change/
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/why-we-still-need-feminism_b_5837366
https://dalgazette.com/opinions/feminism/
