However, in medical context, hymen is not everything. It cannot be the standard of virginity, as it can be teared because of medical reasons, like when people are cycling and doing extreme sports. People lose their virginity after having sex for the first time and we cannot differentiate either our partner is virgin or not. Bleeding on the first night is not a must. One of the famous obgyn in Indonesia, dr. Boyke Dian Nugraha, said that it shows the sign that we are not relaxed enough. So that it caused bleeding.
D. Men are not able to cry.
“Hey you are men. Real men will never cry, so please don’t cry.” I often heard that kind of statement from people. Actually this can affect their psychology. Men are still human, so they still have feelings. Their feelings are also valid. They are able to cry, feel sad, overthinking, and maybe feel overwhelmed in this life. In addition, they can also still show it to others without accepting the shaming from them. They have rights to express their expression.
3. Things which are caused by this practice.
Home should be the safest place of someone, but there are many women who are not feeling safe in their own home. Why do they feel so? The practice of patriarchal culture puts women into dangerous places. There are many domestic violences which are caused by this culture. Based on Komnas Perempuan’s data, there are 299.911 cases of women’s violences.
There are 8234 cases which are handled by Komnas Perempuan. Amongst those, there are 79% (6.480) of marital violence. Then amongst those 6.480, the first place is occupied by 3.221 cases of marital rape. Most likely, the victims are women. Second place, there are 1.309 cases of dating violence. Then, the third place is occupied by daughter violence. There are 954 cases of those. The rest are cases which are done by ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, and also labour violence.
Besides those, there is also a violence which is called marital rape. Quoted from www.vawnet.org, approximately 10-14% of married women are raped by their husbands in the United States. Furthermore, women who are raped by their husbands usually experience other violence. It often involves threatening of violence, several physical violences, and also the use of weapons by men against her partner. Nonetheless, not all people treat this case as same as ‘the usual’ rape. Moreover, I often talk about it to friends and relatives, their response is like, “You are weird. It is impossible to happen.” Again, it is because in patriarchal culture, husbands can treat his wives as they want. They never know that marital rape is fatal.
There is a case from woman, who is just bore her kid, then her husband ask her to have sex. She actually refused this, but her husband forced her. Long story short, she was raped by her husband. Then it happened twice, not only one. Couple days later, the wife was bleeding and hospitalized. Unfortunately, she passed away as she lost much blood. After she passed away, the doctor asked the husband about what he did to his wife.
The husband did not admit it at first. However, the doctor showed the proof that he found rips inside wife’s organs. Then the doctor added that the rips are only caused by penetration. After that, the husband willy-nilly admitted what he had done. It is very tragic for the baby who lost the mother just because of the ‘lust’ of the father. Worse, the case was stopped, as the family still considered that it was taboo and normalized what that guy did to his husband.
Because of that happening, we have to fight that discrimination. Patriarchal Culture does not fit anymore with nowadays situations, so that there is a movement which is called feminism. What is feminism? I would explain it more here.
B. Feminism
