How Shall I Remember him ?

Today, 20th June 2010 ...

In some other places on this earth today is celebrated as a Father's day ...

it never came to my mind about such day and its celebration ...

The dictionary just informed me that the 3rd Sunday of June will be a Father's day at some countries in the world ....

But to me, However... today, more specifically 20th June would always be a significant day,

a day to remember of the departure of my beloved dad from his given life ....

a day to remember how he struggled to die in peace ...

a day to remember how i too struggle to witness and accompany his departure by collecting all energy left in my mind and body to pray and whispered a song 'i surrender all' at his ears, hoping that he would also surrender all his anxieties, worries and hopes in the Hand of his Creator so that he can leave this earth peacefully ....

also, it is a day for me to learn that life is very important ....

and the time given by the Creator is the only opportunity we have to embody the life or making the life real and not just a dream ....

Tears were and have been fallen for such significant lost ....

Prayers have been raised and sounded ....

for reaching a peaceful soul and what we believe as "It is well with my soul",

Hope had been whispered .....

as the song says "Jesus remember me when you come into Your Kingdom" .....

Yet, when comes to memories, suddenly a question came out: How shall i remember him ?

i have thought to just simply called all my childhood memories with him,

which totally framing a full happy childhood i could ever think about ....

he was the real teacher, protector, comforter, friend, .....

a never absent dad to tell story and give kisses to us before we go to sleep even to always make sure that we were secure from mosquito bite while we sleep at night,

he was the one who always hold and embrace us in his hands,

who always be the 1st to get nervous whenever we got sick and would do anything for our recovery even until we grew up to adults ....

who was open to the free choice i made to where i want to go for study ....

but also, the one who always waiting until midnight to open the door whenever he learned that i was still doing activity outside home, mostly because i was having choir and vocal practices in the local church since my sunday-school, teenagers and youth period of time ....

He was, indeed, a great blessing in the family, i would say ...

and i should have been thankful to God for such a great blessing i ever had in my life !

........................

Yet, the departure's moment has left a secret memory that seemed you never want to talk about it and never wanting me to know it ...

because probably in the very deep of your heart it was something that should not be proud of; though in the eyes of society { probably not society, i guess, but a nationalistic ideology},.. what you had done in three decades ago had gained a medal {something that had lost to be shown on your uniform for the funeral, somehow i thought that you were the one who made it lost for you knew exactly what it was for ? am i right, dad ? }, and you were given an honor that seems to be the pride of military force, but i've been wondering that you would never think in that way, wouldn't you, dad ?

You have probably anticipated that the truth would hurt me, so you decided to just keep silence and let the truth kept in its secret way .... what an agony you carried !

But, father, trust me ..... i have learned and been trying for not blaming you for your engagement in the war ... though i must say that i definitely against such war !

it is the system that i condemn and blaming and lament to come to an end !

I've come to learn that you could probably be victim of the system that forcing you to obey and even promised you an identity of being hero of a nation that in fact, sought for its pride and serving its hunger for power over the other or serving its own fear ... at the expense of people's suffering even loss of lives.....

It's a clear picture of Injustice,violence that must be end, in my understanding, dad !

Some people would claim it as a crime against humanity.

Is not that such painful to find ourselves as criminal of humanity to our neighbors ?

Is not that terrible to hear some arguments saying that it was a justifiable war ?

I know, such truth is so painful and perhaps unbearable ....

no wonder our people would always try to find a way how to deal with it in many ways they could ... just to be free from such painful truth ....

Some would seek the way from faith's assistance, and they will say that delivering forgiveness to the perpetrator would be the best answer.... i questioned that !

Some would find the solution through a cultural or tradition approach, so they will say that a ritual of acknowledge the real mistake publicly even to pay back of what had been done would be necessary ...

and some would think and propose that justice could only be served by a court or legal assistance !

Yet, there are still many others who think that the only way to free from such painful truth is to forget all and to let it go simply as the past of human's life or the past of another generation that was not mine .... what a tragic logic !

I just wonder .... would there be really true freedom in forgetting and letting them go ?

and could we simply cut the connection of present , past and future generations ?

could i really say that i had nothing to do with the past ?

or, could the present generation just have to be attached and learn to the noble things happened in the past but when comes to the inhuman reality that caused harmful history then just leave it even throw away .... I think, we better and must learn from both realities .....

I know this might too harsh to carry, to understand ... but, that's the consequence of those who want to bear the truth, to love the truth and live in it ....

Let me share to you, dad, one inspiring message addressed by Paul Oestreicher, one of SCM senior members from UK who were a former member of Amnesty International and a chaplain in Sussex University {he made this comment over my reaction to Professor Baum's insight on being Prophetic Community } .....he told of his painful journey towards forgiveness of his own similar inheritance. He spoke of the fact that his own family had contained members on both sides of the gates of Auschwitz and that one German uncle had been in the position to send his Jewish German grandparent to her death in a concentration camp during the Second World War.

His perspective was to remember that human beings are not intrinsically good or evil as individuals, but that as human beings we are all capable of going either way. His words to the Assembly i attended in Montreal 2008 emphasized the importance of understanding our humanity and spoke of healing and forgiveness as the way forward.

I told Paul that healing and forgiveness could only take place whenever there is a sincere and honest acknowledge of the harmful action committed as well as commitment to transform for a better future..

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Yet, father... have you ever know that one of my best friends whose house became my home while i stay and work in TL, has lost her real parents, her dad and mom - also either way, her parents lost her - due to that war ? what an unfair game of human's life !

She was separated consciously when she was five or six from her family, her culture, her homeland ... and had been raised by a family, a new dad and mom that not hers .... wasn't that terrible story ? while when she grew to adult and decided to trace her real mom and dad, but finally she ended up with a mother who desperately claimed her as her daughter and still she could felt that mother is not her real mom, but what she could do ?

there are lots of parents who lost their children and similar to lots of kids who lost their parents due to the war...... ???