My 19th Birthday

My name is Sarah. Tomorrow, March 13, is my 19th birthday. I want to share what happened to me in the past year, and maybe this will be my last story.

It all started on November 10th. At that time, my school was celebrating Hari Pahlawan. I participated in the nail-in-a-bottle competition. However, when the competition was about to start, nausea stabbed my stomach. So, I had to be replaced by my friend, Dina. I went straight to the toilet because I was afraid the vomit would go everywhere. After that, I called my dad to pick me up and asked for permission to go home early. I asked my father to buy me tolak angin and the nausea subsided. If only it had really subsided...

For two weeks, I felt the nausea that wouldn't stop. I insisted on going to school and didn't tell Mama, because I knew... By that time my period was already three weeks late.

Ridho, my boyfriend. We've known each other for 11 years. We always went to the same school, and his house was only 5 kilometers away from mine. He was in 11th grade IPA 5, while I was in 1st grade IPA. We were having lunch together in the cafeteria.

"Ridho."

"Yeah, Sar?"

"My period is late."

"Isn't it always late though?" he retorted. He was still indifferent and continued eating.

"No, it's been 3 weeks."

"Don't tell me...?"

"Yes. I'm nauseous too."

His eyes widened, and he replied in a high tone "Why didn't you tell me from the beginning!"

The bell rang interrupting our conversation, Dina along with my other friends, Ratu and Intan, called out from a distance. "Sar, have you eaten yet? Come on. It's Mr. Ade's class, if you're late, you might get a C on your report."

"I'll go first, bye." I said to Ridho.

I left alone Ridho in the cafeteria.

After school, Ridho waited in front of the class. He pulled me to finish the interrupted discussion. After some discussion, we decided to go to the nearest pharmacy to buy a test pack. Then we went to a public restroom not far from there to see the results.

I peeked in and saw Ridho sitting not far from outside the public toilet. He was looking at the road with a troubled face while tapping the cigarette he was holding to get rid of the ashes. His confused behavior wanted to make me smile.

"Hehe, Ridho~~." I said in a joking tone.

"Huh?" he replied. Ever since this afternoon, he still replied to me rudely.

"Let's see." Then I showed him the results of the testpack.

His previously wry face turned into shock and slowly tears dripped from the corners of her eyes.

"You're not lying, are you?"

I just nodded. Then he hugged me and sobbed.

"There's lot of people, Do!." I said with a blush.

We talked about what to do next. We planned to tell our parents in five month. In that short period of time, Ridho would look for additional income that would be used on our future baby. Our days went on as usual. Except, my skirt was getting narrower.

School was closed due to the virus outbreak. The 5th month was coming soon. We decided that now was the right time to tell our parents. Around 10 am, Ridho came with Mama's favorite fruit, starfruit. We told her everything that happened. Halfway through the conversation, Mama's temper rose and she kicked Ridho out. Then she immediately called Papa. Not knowing what they were talking about, Papa came home that afternoon. Without saying anything, he slapped me.

"You are not allowed to see him again. I've talked about it, the child will be adopted by your brother."

After that incident, my house was silent, more like a library. We didn't even say hello each other. After finishing the laundry, Mama went straight back to her room, ignore me who was sprawled out on the sofa in the TV room.

The next day, My sister came. She, who was usually always cheerful when she visited home, changed too. As soon as she arrived, Mama, Papa, and Sister started arguing in the living room. Of course, discussing about my future. However, I, who was the object of the conversation, was not given the opportunity to speak up. Every time I argued, both Big Brother and Papa snapped and told me to shut up. It felt like being a stranger in my own family. I decided to go back to my room.

Not long after, Mama knocked on my bedroom door. She spoke softly, her eyes bruised like someone who had been crying. She asked me to contact Ridho and call him and his family.

Ridho came with his family. An agreement was made between the two parties. We were to be married off, all childcare rights were to be given to my sister, I was not able to meet Ridho, and Ridho or his family were obliged to provide livehood for my child. Fortunately, the school is held online, so I was able to continue my education until graduate. The wedding is in two weeks' time. There were no guests, just my small family and Ridho. At that time, I hoped that everything would go well.

The wedding situation was very tense. Papa didn't want to reprimand Ridho's family and Ridho's family seemed reluctant to start. It made us feel awkward. The marriage was completed without any problems. There was no exchange of rings, no kiss and salam session. After it was over, the two families moved apart, and Ridho and I were forbidden to exchange greetings.

Despite my parents' prohibition, my relationship with Ridho was still great. Whenever he had free time, he always sent me a message. I also kept him updated on the condition of our child and my family. However, Papa was always angry if he caught me on the phone with Ridho. He even resorted to physical violence.

Once, when I was on the phone with Ridho in the TV room, Papa came in and asked who I was on the phone with. When I answered, Papa got angry and slapped me to the ground

"No phone calls with that son of a bitch. Papa has prohibited you to contact him. Why can't you just obey me for once!" he said.

I winced as I fell on the floor holding my 7-month-old stomach. Mama, who was watching with a blank stare, was silent, without helping or saying anything.

After entering labor, I was evacuated to the childbirth witch in the neighbor city. It was an hour's drive away. Once there were signs of birth, my brother, who was waiting at an inn not far from here, would come to pick me up.

I thought I would be able to see my baby. When my child was born, I wasn't given the chance to hold them, and I didn't even get to see them because I fainted. When I woke up, they was immediately taken by my Sister, and registered as them as her child. I didn't have any rights over something that I gave birth to from my flesh and blood. Even after birth, I was still prohibited to meet Ridho. Mama always said later and later. Her replies were also getting harsher every time I asked.

Not only separating me together, Mama checked my phone, and wouldn't finish if it hadn't been shown. Every time there was a message from Ridho, Mama reported it to Papa, and Papa again rubbed my body hard with his hands.

The previously quiet and tense atmosphere of my house turned tense. Papa became more emotional, Mama became more sensitive. Papa and Mama are quarreled more and more often

"You should realize that what you are doing is humiliating the dignity of our family. You don't give anything but trouble to the family and you still demand all kinds of things. What an ignorant child!" Mama said.

The words came out when I asked about the instant noodles I bought not being in the cupboard. From then, I began to question my own existence in this family. Was I that unwanted in this family? Am I that rotten in their eyes?

When I tell the story to Ridho, he always supported me. He gave me words that strengthened my heart and never blamed me. I also told Dina everything, she always listened to me and kept all my secrets well, she often ordering me my favorite food. Everything they did for me encourage my spirit. They are the reason why I was still surviving in this world.

Since then, I rarely left my room. I only ate when reminded, showered sparingly, and no longer loitered in the TV room. I hoped that without my presence the atmosphere of the house would be more better.

That hope, however, have to fall. Mama and Papa quarreled more and more often. There were already many pieces of furniture that had fallen victim. Papa began to come home late often, sometime he also did not come home for days. And my Mom, she went back to playing with her old glamorous friends which made her rarely at home.

It would be a lie if this heart wasn't anxious. Being the cause of the loss of family harmony, committing acts that violate the norms of tarnishing the family's good name, not being able to meet loved ones, and not being able to hold your own biological child ... At least I want to see their face and hear their cry...

I feel that everything is enough... I don't want to see this already thin rope break. I don't want to heat the water that is already boiling. I want everyone to be happy again. I think that will happen if the cause of the problem is no longer there.

Thank you Dina. Thank you Ridho. Thank you for believing in me and sorry for failed to fulfill my promise. Maybe we will meet in a better life.

Best regards. Goodbye.