Once, when I was on the phone with Ridho in the TV room, Papa came in and asked who I was on the phone with. When I answered, Papa got angry and slapped me to the ground
"No phone calls with that son of a bitch. Papa has prohibited you to contact him. Why can't you just obey me for once!" he said.
I winced as I fell on the floor holding my 7-month-old stomach. Mama, who was watching with a blank stare, was silent, without helping or saying anything.
After entering labor, I was evacuated to the childbirth witch in the neighbor city. It was an hour's drive away. Once there were signs of birth, my brother, who was waiting at an inn not far from here, would come to pick me up.
I thought I would be able to see my baby. When my child was born, I wasn't given the chance to hold them, and I didn't even get to see them because I fainted. When I woke up, they was immediately taken by my Sister, and registered as them as her child. I didn't have any rights over something that I gave birth to from my flesh and blood. Even after birth, I was still prohibited to meet Ridho. Mama always said later and later. Her replies were also getting harsher every time I asked.
Not only separating me together, Mama checked my phone, and wouldn't finish if it hadn't been shown. Every time there was a message from Ridho, Mama reported it to Papa, and Papa again rubbed my body hard with his hands.
The previously quiet and tense atmosphere of my house turned tense. Papa became more emotional, Mama became more sensitive. Papa and Mama are quarreled more and more often
"You should realize that what you are doing is humiliating the dignity of our family. You don't give anything but trouble to the family and you still demand all kinds of things. What an ignorant child!" Mama said.
The words came out when I asked about the instant noodles I bought not being in the cupboard. From then, I began to question my own existence in this family. Was I that unwanted in this family? Am I that rotten in their eyes?
When I tell the story to Ridho, he always supported me. He gave me words that strengthened my heart and never blamed me. I also told Dina everything, she always listened to me and kept all my secrets well, she often ordering me my favorite food. Everything they did for me encourage my spirit. They are the reason why I was still surviving in this world.
Since then, I rarely left my room. I only ate when reminded, showered sparingly, and no longer loitered in the TV room. I hoped that without my presence the atmosphere of the house would be more better.
