Is Happiness A Camouflage?

Written by: Giasinta

"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life."  -John Lennon

I was in my room playing with dolls while waiting for mother to call me out. I saw a house with balloons decoration and chocolate cakes were everywhere. I remembered there were so many colors that day. It was a beautiful birthday party my mother threw at home. I was six years old, I suppose. The memory stuck in my hippocampus brain like a song you cannot resist to sing. Now I'm sitting on my front porch in a new home, with my new family, with my much-older age. Balloons and chocolate cakes are no longer source of my happiness.

By getting older we tend to leave behind what we call happiness. We focus on tangible things instead, the difficult things. Goals, visions, plans. They told us that life is a hard work, so I guess we have to swim through to survive. Until one day I woke up in the morning and start to realize that life is also a running sprint. Every single day we are racing with time and barely win competing. Another year passes, another age erases. That moment I knew that HAPPINESS should be on the first list of every new year resolution. By getting older we start to question what we have done to our life? When that happiness of chocolate cakes and balloons went away?

Making a little research around, I learn about how people define happiness. Most of these people I asked are in average age from 16 to 50 years old. Some of them were facing shortcomings in life like minor health issues, personal or work problems. And the others were believed not to have major problems to worry about. When I ask around I learn that for most people, happiness is similar as life satisfaction. Something they trust to gain value when finally achieve. 

Something very important that can create the feeling of joy. Like having a house, traveling, getting married, self-love, being healthy, or financially covered. Some people dream of healthy relationship and yet, choose to stay in abusive one. Some dream to get a job and yet, surrender in the territory of comfort zone. Some dream of being healthy and yet, refuse every chance to exercise. It is unfortunate when some people are actually possessing the capability to self-growth but too comfort to make a baby step. Surprisingly, most of these people still claimed themselves quite happy. It got me thinking, is happiness a camouflage?

It is so sad that many people let themselves defeated by their own mental barriers. They forget that life is a running sprint, once you were a six year old kid and now you are an adult questioning the purpose of life. Once you were teenager partying hard and now you are a parent taking care of your kids. People ignorance of time concept is a dangerous life miscalculation. Don't ever take your time frame for granted. No one wants to wake up old in the face of remorse and say to themselves, "I wish I had let myself be happier".

"It's easy to say, Gia. You're not in my shoes." By playing the victim card, some people believe they are too drown to swim to the surface. As a matter of fact, in Maslow's hierarchy of needs these people I asked have successfully covered their basic and psychological needs. Therefore, playing victim is not exactly the right card to play. Now this time let us take a look to another group that also struggle with problems such as health issue or basic need, and amazingly possess the capability to stay in positivity. Based on research and health journals, group of people with advanced cancer disease considered themselves "Happy" and "Very Happy" although struggling with the most feared disease in today's society. The journal says that health literacy and religious beliefs can play a key role in their happiness. I also learned in another research about homeless people. 

Most of them also claimed that they were happy. Better general health were associated with a higher overall happiness, while feelings of loneliness were associated with a lower overall happiness. The journal says that the happiness of these homeless people showed a significant effect on future expectations. Studies have shown that positive thinking leads to personal growth or happiness. It can be proven from the first group of people who have less problems in life considered themselves happy and quite happy, or how cancer patients with religious beliefs claimed themselves very happy, and homeless people with positivity are more likely to have future expectation.

Based on World Happiness Index 2017, Indonesia ranks number 81 from 155 countries. The measurement variables include GDP per capita, social support, healthy life expectancy, freedom to make life choices, generosity and trust. When it comes to personal happiness, what are your measurement variables? What is happiness to you? Can you consider yourself happy? Aristotle define happiness as health, wealth and love. When we were kids we are not obligated to think of the hard stuff. Not yet expected to use our brain to think wisely or our conscience to play justice. We weren't expected to embrace this kind of capacity in our brain. By getting older we realized that human being is a learning machine. We adapt to changes, embrace new phase of life.

Happiness is when I can enjoy things without burden. Simple quality time with my family without thoughts wonder around with problems. Eating good-delicious food without guilt. Going for a vacation without worrying. Doing things without my conscience judging my action. These are happiness to me. But we all know that nothing comes for free. Remember the phrase 'what comes easy won't last, what lasts won't come easy'? As I said before, human being is a learning machine. It is the law of nature that in order to achieve a higher level, we need to try harder. 

A CEO must have an impressive resume after years of experience. Students get scholarship not for sitting around doing nothing. Thus, what is the basic formula in order to achieve happiness? According to what I wrote earlier, it is understandable that the word "healthy" were included in most times. People define happiness by being healthy and a country even put health expectancy in measuring happiness. It is crystal clear that healthiness is a key to happiness. But what kind of healthiness are we talking about here? As I talked to people with age older than 85 years old and learning from extraordinary people stories who live a happy life, I come to conclusion that the basic formula of happiness is Kokoro. In Japanese, Kokoro means a combination between mind, soul, heart (body) and spirit. 

MIND

BE RESPECTFUL AND BE KIND

How many times do you ask yourself why do people disrespect others? Or how can people do unpleasant things and not feel bad about it? Bullying become one of the fun games. Throwing trash in ocean and causing death to animals are common. Lack of awareness to queue in public places is not a big deal. And more of these basic stuff. I find this as a chronic mental failure. But did you know that Indonesia is actually known as a generous country? Based on the latest report I read, we are the second most generous country on earth. So why don't we be part of this, respect each other and just be kind to another? I totally understand that we are living in the society of pluralism where there are many different ethnic groups or educational backgrounds. But don't we all share the same values? Remember the golden rule: treat others the way you want to be treated.

We are also known as one of the friendliest countries in the world. Hence, what makes all these theories we learned vanished gradually over time? Why do we still find so many irresponsible people? So let us start fresh. Basic stuff. Queue. Not to litter. Stop bullying. Respect others. Share. Smile. Say thank you. Love animals. Love plants. Love earth. There are billions of small things in the world for us to contribute in being respectful generation. As I said on my previous article "The Nitty Gritty", people need to be awakened that selfishness can endanger ourselves and others. Take your logic and heart wherever you go. Mahatma Gandhi once said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." So please guys, do not let our future generation blame their mental failure on us. 

EMBRACE YOURSELF

One of the people I talk to, told me that happiness is self-love. The person said that happiness is being able to love yourself. I tend to agree. Knowing yourself better can help you not only improving your self-quality, but eventually accepting who you are. Remember the moment when we think we look good but people told us we have a bad haircut or a lousy shirt? Because sometimes we just can't see ourselves clearly. Ask surroundings and dare ourselves to accept critics. For me personally, getting critics and inputs are like being given a free answer from your personality test. It's a shortcut from taking an hour going through questions over questions, you'll get an instant answer instead. Aristotle once said, "There is only one way to avoid criticism. Do nothing. Say nothing. And BE NOTHING." If you do not mind being nothing then I suggest not to seek criticism. If you are looking for self-improvement then be open to one. Seek for a better change. Evaluate yourself. Learn to fall in love with yourself. Embrace yourself.

WALK AWAY FROM COMFORT ZONE

Who doesn't tempt visit a comfort zone? A free luxury ticket to stay in a comfortable state, where less stress and happiness-in-disguise constantly tempting. From things like being a chronic introvert, avoiding people, or being jobless, until addictive things like smoking, being alcoholic, internet or games addict, and many more. It is not jeopardizing in short term basis I suppose, until one day we forget to leave the zone for being too comfortable. Being spoiled by what we already achieve is easy. But going extra mile escaping from our safe bubble is a great victory. 

Prove to yourself that you cannot be defeated by the camouflage of comfort zone. Whenever you get bewildered, just remember that as long as there are no room to grow then it is time to walk away. We are pampered with so many options in life to be a better individual. You can find mosque, church or any other worship places anywhere you go, fitness centers are nearby, bubble gum to chew instead of nicotine, books to read instead of games. Earn own income. Learn new language. Open a business. Learn to cook. Take post graduate program. Study abroad.  There are many things we can choose to challenge our brain cells to keep on working. All we need is a little motivation, because process won't betray us.

FEED THE MIND

I once trapped in a moment of questioning people behavior. I was even wondering if I am living in the state of idiocy where people are no longer care with basic moral education. People with mental failure is what makes me extremely agitated. I used to ask myself, how can people with education behave so idiotic? None of the theories satisfy me, until one day I read a very good psychological quote saying that 'when you do not understand the way people behave, understand the way their brain works.' This quote inspired me and gave a light of hope. I spent a whole week afterward learning about human brain anatomy and all its function. And I was living in a week of awe.

Have you ever thought about how incredible the human brain works? Do you know what would happen with your brain if you stop learning? Just like muscle, brain needs to exercise to make it stronger. Otherwise, it will get stiff and weaker. Or did you know the fact that knowledge will be expired after two years of learning? Hence, no matter how smart you think you were in school, you are no longer getting smarter if you refuse to feed the mind. In our brain there is a part called neocortex which supposed to be taking all the credits for our good grades at school, brilliant ideas at work or our high education background. Like our body that needs to be taken care of, so is neocortex. What happen if we do not drink or eat? Human being with good health can still survive in three to five weeks without food, but can we last without water? We'll die in vain. So is brain, we have to feed its mind in order to keep them growing. You don't want to have a hobbit brain, do you?

Do your brain a favor. Learn new things that challenge your brain, like new brain games or new language lesson. Thirst for education because it will give your brain a regular exercise. Read more books and let your imagination takes control. Pamper your brain with intellectual curiosity. Learn to surrender to the desire of your brain. Believe me, your brain will thank you later. After all, how can people finish a book if they stop writing? Feed your mind.

LEARN TO TRAIN MIND SET

There is a reason why I put Mind first, Body second, and Spirit last. Because I believe that mind is the main key to open the other locks of body and spirit. And learning to train our mind set is the most important part. I once read a story about a person who kept going back to the doctor for feeling sick. 

The doctor checked on him over and over, and could not find any problem. No symptom. No disease. The doctor finally declared that his body is functioning well. And yet, the person was very certain he was ill. This condition is what we call psychosomatic. Psychosomatic means mind (psyche) and body (soma). According to English dictionary, psychosomatic is a physical illness or other condition caused by mental factors such as internal conflict or stress.

It must be hard to focus on being happy when you are in the midst of life battleship. It is nearly impossible for a heartbroken person to instantly expect happiness. Therefore, in order to make ourselves happy we have to make peace with our mind. Positivity drives happiness. Otherwise, the group of homeless people and cancer patients would not claim themselves happy, or a person with no arms and leg would not be so grateful in life (Re: Nick Vujicic). These amazing people would not be existing if not because of the powerful mind set they possessed. It's the same functioning in life. How can someone be happy when they don't love life? Once fall in love with the idea of life then we start to view the world differently. I always thought that a healthy mind set is a happy person. Feed the mind with positivity and good energy. Once the mind agrees to make peace with limbic system of our brain, we automatically become more compassionate, appreciate surroundings, less judgmental and more tolerable, we start to appreciate the world, we start to fall in love with life. Placebo is my middle name and I'm proud to share that my view to life is a lot more beautiful ever since.                                                     

BODY

EXERCISE AT LEAST THRICE A WEEK

How many times do you put 'exercise regularly' in your new year's resolution and always fail in realization? How much time do you waste for watching Netflix or playing games, while you were planning to exercise the moment you wake up? Remember the phrase comfort zone kills? A common metaphor people use to describe a bad relationship, a bad workplace or a stagnation. But have you ever thought how scary it would be when the metaphor becomes literal? What if comfort zone can literally kill you?

We are living in the modern era where speed is highly required in every term. People don't like to queue anymore. People avoid process as best as possible, jump right into results. So little time so many things to do justification lead us further away from what's really important: being healthy.No one says regular exercise is easy. But we're living to survive, aren't we? And what if exercising is our golden ticket to a happy survival? Ever wonder why there are always those people who are in a good mood almost every day, look good in shape and well body function, have a quality sleep like a baby and claim to have the greatest sex life in marriage? Well, I'm pretty certain that EXERCISE is their dirty little secret.

YES there are tons of things, literally tons of things, we can improve only by leaving our comfort zone behind and include regular exercise into our schedule appointment. Make exercise your second spouse, where no one can interfere your date appointment. Let's extend our life contract by getting sweat, shall we?

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT

We all know that fast food industries are irresistible in this velocity society where everywhere we go, people demand for speed. No time to cook anymore, no time for homemade juice. Soft drink, fast food, junk food, convenience food consumption are shortcut to accommodate these needs. We often forget that there is a 'higher price' we have to pay for consuming them in daily basis.

I tend to be very curious when I heard news of people who die in young age. When I ask, mostly the cause of death is chronic disease. When I was in school, I barely hear people die in young age but lately this phenomenon turns out to be very common. Did you know that according to WHO report in 2016 Indonesia ranks in one of the top five countries for people with diabetes? Our poor lifestyle and lack-awareness of exercise are probably the roots of this epidemic.

Your body is your temple. A common phrase people use to describe how tremendously essential the human body is. In the law of reincarnation, when someone litter in Buddha's temple in present time, they will be reborn as a poor man. So is human body, we may be allowed to litter our body but be ready for the consequences. In this particular case, we wouldn't have to wait to be reborn. You do remember that time is a running machine, don't you?

LOOK GOOD. FEEL GOOD

Did you know that 30% of our cortex are dominated by visual? Therefore, it is always easier to judge the book by its cover. It would be the biggest lie when people say they don't like compliments. When in the morning someone tell you that you look good that day, don't you feel good afterward?

If you can train your mindset, then you are a powerful human being who has any access to be whatever you wish you want to be. Be successful. Be healthy. Be kind. Be good looking. You name it. Looking good is only happening when you love yourself. And to love yourself, you have to learn to train your mind set. Appreciate yourself by start giving reward to it. Go pamper yourself, have a massage, buy new tie that match to your coat, try to wear that dress you think you're too fat to wear it. Confident people always look happy. Perhaps because they feel good by looking good. I once read a quote saying that a flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it, it just blooms.

SPIRIT

BELIEVE IN THE HIGHER POWER

I once watched a touching video about a true story of a father, Abdul-Munim Sombat Jitmoud, who lost his son (Sahaluddin) over a murder. Surprisingly, he decided to hug and forgive a man involved in the killing of his son and said, "I'm not angry at you. I'm angry at the devil. I blame the devil, who misguided you to do such a horrible crime." And when everyone else is questioning silently of such action, he explained, "Forgiveness is the greatest gift of a charity in Islam." He said to the killer he forgave him, "I forgive you on behalf of Sahaluddin and his mother". It was an extremely emotional moment and for a second there my mind just could not grasp clearly what just happened. I'd be furious when people try to harm my pet and on the other hand, there is a father out there who's amazingly capable to hug and forgive the killer of his murdered son? I come to conclusion that this kind of amazing phenomenon can only occur when you believe in the higher power. High spiritual intelligence is what Jitmoud has successfully achieved.

One of my good friends told me that happiness is nothing to do with achievements or possessions. Happiness is the feeling you get when you make a sujud early morning in mosque. The very first breath you take after knowing that you are still being given a chance to praise God in your prayer is a form of happiness. Unlike other people I talk to, this good friend of mine never mention anything about tangible concepts. I guess high spiritual intelligence is what this person has successfully achieved.

There is a reason why I put Spirit in the last section of my writing. It is merely because I believe that this part is the hardest to achieve. It is believed that spiritual  intelligence is the most ultimate and deepest self-intelligence to  possess. In the modern society, spiritually concept is often stigmatized as a taboo for some people. Instead of questioning the existence of human being, people tend to pursue tangible concepts like material wealth. Something that is believed can be instantly seen and felt. Value becomes folklore. What is forbidden long ago becomes acceptable now. Spiritual and moral compass are no longer use for humanity guidance. People follow desire and lust. Free sex was a taboo and now become common, kids were laughing in the face of core values their parents taught them. I don't know the latest data but two years ago I read that Atheism and Agnosticism were the third largest belief in the world. I finally realized the core values are constantly shifting and I'm afraid the roots are no longer strong enough to save humanity.

Ever wonder why do some people said they are feeling "whole" after went to their place of worship like church, mosque or temple? Or when someone you know is in constant pain and still be able to tell you that they are grateful for it? This is what Jitmoud or my good friend have possessed. High spiritual intelligence. A beautiful journey to a higher place beyond humanity. Taking time to pray and surrender in the higher power will never make you feel powerless. So never be afraid to have faith, to believe in something you have not seen. Making prayer as the main pillar in the era of skepticism is like finding a medicine for a chronic disease.

I hope at the end of the day people will realize that material wealth and cognitive importance are incomplete without questioning the greater purpose of human lives. Spiritual intelligence is like the last puzzle to complete our life conundrum. It would be the strongest foundation of self-intelligence. We can't build a beautiful house without a strong foundation, can we?

PEACEFUL SEEKER

Have you ever felt so jaded but you just can't stop typing and staring at your computer screen?  Have you ever been in a situation where you have so many appointments you forget to date your spouse? Or have you ever thought that sleeping is now becoming a very expensive privilege in a day? That hobbies are starting to cease to exist? This vicious pace of life enslaved humanity and fueled people with gradually unseen destruction. People work and work, without responding to the body who is craving for rejuvenation. We forget the fact that our body function become weaker each day and need to be mentally recharged.

Instead of surrender to this silent killer, let's take a pause in the midst of chaotic activities. Make a list of the things that can make yourself in peace. Going to a pampering vacation. Spend more time with families and friends without keep looking at the phone. Learning a yoga or your preference of meditation. Taking time to breathe-in-and-out every time your stress hormones crawling in. Fight for your hobby, whether it is going fishing, playing games, writing or reading a book. Dalai Lama once said, "Calm mind brings inner strength and self-confidence, so that's very important for good health". Be a peaceful seeker.