I must be dreaming. It's not possible! How come Hongbin and Sojin... my trusted best friend and my girlfriend...
"So this is what both of you do when I'm not around."
Both Hongbin and Sojin turn their head to face me. After trying to find her quite long, when I found her, she is being with Hongbin... sitting together on the bench... and touching each other.
"Hahaha! I thought this was April Fools' day but actually April is already past long time ago. But I admit it, it's really fun!"
"No, Hakyeon, what's on your mind is wrong!" Sojin stand up, "it's not like that."
"So this is what you mean by this tweet of yours a couple of months ago?"
I took my phone out of my jeans, open screencaps of her tweet "I want a simple love"; which I wanna ask her about it but I keep on forget it.
"The simple love that you want is Hongbin?"
"Hakyeon, listen..."
"Tell me, Hongbin. How long already you both are being together?"
"Hyong..."
"HE CAN BE YOUR SIMPLE LOVE, SOJIN! GO WITH HIM! IF YOU'RE WITH ME, YOU CAN JUST BEING LONELY AND SUFFERING BECAUSE OF MY STATUS!" I couldn't help myself to scream.
"YOU'RE WRONG, HAKYEON!"
"BUT YOU ONLY CAN GET MARRIED WITH ME! UNTIL THAT TIME, YOU BOTH CAN HAVE FUN! I'M LEAVING!"
I could think of nothing. My brain seems like stop working. I'm sure I'm having a nightmare. When I walk out of this scene, I would wake up in the early morning, with Sojin sleeping beside me.
*****
AUTHOR'S POV
"Hakyeon! Wait! You're wrong!"
Sojin screaming in frustration, and running try to reach Hakyeon, but that man walk away too fast. Sojin lose her balance and fall to the ground.
"Noona!"
Hongbin run to help her.
"Are you okay noona?"
Hongbin hold Sojin's arms and pull her to stand up, but Hongbin's eyes are looking on Sojin's legs: she had some little scars there but it's bleeding lots.
"Noona, let's go to the clinic!"
"No, Hongbin, I'm okay. Hakyeon..."
"Go meet him later after I clean your scars!"
Hongbin insisted to bring Sojin to the clinic and he thinks what he did is right.
"It's so weird... usually these scars won't bleeding this much. Hold on noona."
Sojin just can sobs a bit holding the pain from the scars that Hongbin is cleaning now. Only Hakyeon is on her mind now. She must explain it to Hakyeon before it's too late. Hakyeon is a type of man who is easily to feel sad, and she knows it exactly.
        "This is all I can do noona. But I guess you should change the bandage when you're home later. Do you wanna go home?"
        "No, please... Hongbin, just take me to meet Hakyeon?"
        Hongbin sighs, "okay."
While holding Sojin's arm to help her walking, Hongbin is walking to the campfire area to find Hakyeon. Both of them are looking around, but they couldn't find him.
        "Hey Hyuk!" Hongbin is waving to Sanghyuk.
        Sanghyuk is running happily to meet Sojin and Hongbin, but his face turns to worry once he saw Sojin is injured.
        "What happened with you, noona?"
        "We will explain later, Hyuk," answer Hongbin, "did you see Hakyeon hyong?"
        "He just left around 15 minutes ago. Why don't you call him?"
        Hongbin got his phone and call Hakyeon, but it appears that Hakyeon is turned off his phone.
        "Not active..."
        Sojin is shaking her head and sighs deeply.
        "Go meet him tomorrow, I think he needs time to raise up his mood."
        "Hey both of you haven't tell me what's going on?"
        "Sojin noona was fell down. Hyuk can you help us to drive noona back to her home?" ask Hongbin.
        "Sure, let's go. I also think noona should take a rest more."
If only Sojin has more power, she will meet Hakyeon once Hongbin and Sanghyuk left her house at that night. But she is so tired. She has no power and also dizzy. She thinks, maybe lost of blood makes her dizzy like this. And she promised to see Hakyeon tomorrow.
*****
The first day without you
"I will always care for you,
Even if we're not together
And even if we're far,
Far away from each other."
*****
AUTHOR'S POV
Sojin is ringing Hakyeon's apartment bell, but just like these past two days, it has no response. She tries to call Hakyeon, but again, the phone isn't active. She thinks she should make more move... so she tries to enter the password (which is Hakyeon's birthday, just like what she did before when she keep on staying in Hakyeon's apartment) but it's appears that Hakyeon already changed his apartment's password too.
        "Hakyeon, I need to talk to you... but where are you now when I need you?"
Just like yesterday, Sojin leaves a cake that Hakyeon likes, although she doesn't sure Hakyeon will eat it. And after wait for 20 minutes in front of the apartment, she leaves.
*****
The tenth day without you
"I still love you,
But you don't care."
*****
I'm arrived at home quite late tonight, the concert is held well. I was drank some bottles of soju before I go home. My brain is a bit dizzy but it's okay... it helps me a bit to release my emotion. I almost step on the cake that left on my apartment's front door. I took it and read the letter. It's written the same things like yesterday with Sojin's handwriting.
"Hakyeon, I'm sorry and I love you"
I'm entering my apartment while bringing the cake along and sit on the sofa. Sojin... is it me who is being too stubborn? But the shadow of her and Hongbin keep on haunting me as the nightmare every night. No one knows how hurt to being cheated like this. This feeling is too much. My first love... with my best friend, it's driving me crazy.Â
Now that I leave them alone like this, will they being together? Maybe after a while, Sojin will stop trying to meet me? Will I feel lonely? Yes. A tear drop from my eye. I will miss her... and miss everything that happened. But I can't make her happy, that's the reality I know. She will forget about me and being happy with Hongbin.Â
I better let her go. I will talk to her... only when my heart stops torturing myself. This is the pumpkin cake that I really love... really Sojin's taste. I miss you. But I can't let it being said out loud. I miss you Park Sojin. And I still love you. You'll be my last love, even though you love me no more, one day.
*****
The twentieth day without you
"Each night I put my head to the pillow,
I try to tell myself I'm strong
Because I've gone one more day without you."
*****
AUTHOR'S POV
Sojin turns back her head to see who is following her since she leave Hakyeon's apartment. But she saw no one.
        "Maybe it's just because I'm too dizzy lately..."
She's walking again, but in just few steps, she lost her balance. Everything seems spinning on her mind when she falling down... and all turn black in a flash.
Sojin needs several minutes to realize she's now at her home and what just happened before. But it doesn't help her brain to stop spinning, even though it's a bit better than before.
        "Noona, are you okay?"
        "Hongbin? Why are you here?"
        "I'm... I was following noona from Hakyeon hyong's apartment."
"So it was you!" Sojin means to get mad, but she's failed once she feels she is getting more dizzy, "why did you do that? If Hakyeon knows about this, he will get more curious about us."
        "But it appears that he never meet you yet, til today right?"
This reality stabs Sojin's heart. What Hongbin said is true. It has been 22 days since that incident happen, and Hakyeon never contact Sojin anymore.
        "Maybe he doesn't love me anymore..."
Sojin can't hold it anymore. She has been holding her tears since that incident happened, but she can't do it again now. The pain her heart feels is breaks her last defense. She is crying. She is crying a lot. Hongbin is rubbing her shoulders softly.
        "I'm sorry noona, I shouldn't confessed to you and make all of this happens. It's my bad, all my fault."
        "But it's happened already... it's okay Hongbin. I just wanna tell you," Sojin is trying to control her cry, "that... I only love Hakyeon. I'm sorry."
        "It's okay noona. I just don't want to see you're sad, but... I know Hakyeon hyong loves you too. He is just being stubborn now, just like when he can't dance to some songs, he will being stubborn and learn until he can."
        "Maybe he is being stubborn to forget about me now," Sojin chuckled.
        "I'm trying to meet him but I keep on failed. I already told our friends, and they were scolded me a lot," Hongbin puts on bitter smile, "but they're willing to help. Each of us is take turn to waiting for him every day since around three days ago... but it seems like Hakyeon hyong even didn't go back to home."
        "But where did all of my cakes go?"
        "A housekeeper took it inside. We don't know how to find him. He's really being stubborn now, I guess."
        Both are silent now, thinking about Hakyeon. But finally Hongbin's eyes stare on Sojin's face seriously.
        "Noona, what do you feel right now? I mean it's about your body."
        "What do you mean?"
        "You look so pale, and skinny. It's getting serious now, noona. Tell me what's happening."
        "I don't understand what you mean but... it's yes I'm losing my appetite lately."
        "Because of Hakyeon hyong?"
        "Not really... I mean, it's before that day, I already lost my appetite..."
        "And seriously noona, you got a little scratch on your legs when you fell down, I'm a bit late to help you, but it's bleeding too much. I don't understand about this."
        Sojin is looking at her legs, which is full of bandage now. She also knows that her wound lately got quite late to being healed.
        "Noona, will you grant me a wish?"
        "Yes, Hongbin?"
        "Will you go to check to the hospital? If you can't do it tomorrow, you can do it as soon as possible. Just to make sure you're okay. Will you?"
        Since Hongbin is looking so serious, Sojin is nodding her head.
        "I will, Hongbin. And... thank you."
        Hongbin smiles, "you and Hakyeon hyong's happiness are mine too."
*****
The twenty-fifth day without you
"When you said that we would be together forever,
I thought that meant until we died.
But...
I guess forever isn't as long as it used to be.
Is it?"
*****
AUTHOR'S POV
Sojin is sitting next to the doctor when she got called by hospital this morning. It should be about her latest medical check-up, three days ago.
        "Hello, Park Sojin-ssi. I'm your doctor, Lee Hyomi," said the young female doctor while shaking Sojin's hand, "I would like to talk to you about your health."
        Dr. Lee is sitting in front of Sojin and turn on the computer to let Sojin see the pictures.
        "We recommend you to get intensive care and stay in our hospital as soon as possible. We're so sorry to tell you that you're having leukemia cancer, at the beginning stage of this cancer."
Sojin's mind turns blank. Suddenly she lost her words. It's too sudden. Since when did this cancer infect her body? At the first she went to hospital to do check-up, she never think that she would have such a deadly virus inside her body. She couldn't help but crying slowly.
        "Why... should I'm... the one who is having this cancer...? I never do anything bad to my body."
        Dr. Lee reach Sojin's shoulder and rubbing it slowly.
        "Sometimes it's not your fault, but we can try to find out. Is one of your relatives ever had this kind of disease?"
        Sojin is thinking hard before answered her, "my... past grandmother."
        "It can be one of the cause, the heredity. We recommend you to come quickly because your cancer type is chronic lymphocytic leukemia (CLL) type that should be healed as soon as possible," suggest the doctor, "don't worry and let's work hard for your health."
*****
The thirtieth day without you
"Truth is,
I miss you.
All the time,
Every second,
Every minute,
Every hour,
Every day."
*****
Finally I'm coming back home. I was away from Seoul around 8 days to have photoshoot in Nami Island. It was great there to see pretty scenery, but I'm a bit worry too. My mind keeps on thinking about Sojin. How about the cake she sent to me? Will she keeps on sending me the cake even though I didn't accept it anymore when I gone? I'm rushing to my apartment, and I saw no cake in front of my door.
        "Finally she is stopping? Finally she is leaving me?"
        "Hakyeon hyong!"
That's Hongbin. He isn't alone. I saw my friends are waiting for me in the end of the corridor. All of them look uneasy, and I don't even get it why.
        "Where have you been?" ask Wonshik.
        "Was had photoshoot at Nami Island. Please get in."
I'm opening the door and all of them enter my apartment. It feels a bit awkward... I don't remember when is the last time we're gathering together to have fun.
        "Are you stupid, Hakyeon?" ask Taekwoon seriously.
"Wait, Taekwoon hyong, let me say it first," Hongbin cuts Taekwoon's words, "I'm sorry I was causing trouble between you and Sojin noona. I admit it, that's my mistake. I'm not lying, I've been fall in love with her quite long... but I try to step back once I know both of you are being together already. I just feel bad when she's sad... so I confessed to her at that night... I'm really sorry."
        "Why? Both of you aren't being together now?" ask me cold.
        "Of course not! She is only in love with you!"
        "I thought she is happy being with you now?"
        It happened so fast. Wonshik come to grab my collar. I never see he's being angry like this before. Jaehwan come to release us.
        "Taekwoon hyong is right. You're really stupid, Hakyeon hyong. How come you said about Sojin noona like that," said Wonshik angrily.
        "She is stopping send me cake, that's why I thought she forgot me already."
        I sound like sulking rather than mad, maybe that's why Wonshik released me.
        "Sojin noona is missing," said Sanghyuk, "actually we lost contact with her around three days ago. Since that day too, she never send any cake here."
        "What do you mean missing?"
        "We try to go to her home and to call her, but failed," explained Jaehwan, "do you know how to contact her, Hakyeon?"
        At this time, I feel failed as her boyfriend. I know nothing about her. Even I don't know where her parents are now living. All I know is she is living alone in Seoul, while her parents are quite far now. I'm shaking my head.
        "I guess we should use Taekwoon hyong's idea, that we should find out about her from the university," said Sanghyuk, "if we say it's urgent, maybe the university could tell us."
        "Maybe she is just going back to her hometown?" I asked, even though I'm not really sure about that too.
        To be honest, I'm not feeling good towards her lately. I need to talk with her. I really need to. I got my phone and call her, but her phone isn't active.
        "The one that we worry about is her health, Hakyeon," said Taekwoon, "Hongbin said she was fainted after came back from your apartment around a week ago. And her appearance is looks like she is sick or what."
        "Yes. That's why Hongbin suggested her to have medical check-up, but we never saw her anymore since the last Hongbin saw her," explained Wonshik, "what should we do?"
        "Let's gather information about her," suggest Hongbin.
        "What can I do to help you guys?" asked me, feel useless.
        "Only one, I guess. Try to call her, who knows her phone is turn on, then talk to her," answered Jaehwan, "and leave the rest to us."
        "So, let's go now? We shouldn't waste more time," said Hongbin.
        Then one by one is following Hongbin, leaving me and Taekwoon together.
        "Don't blame yourself anymore. You know what to do if you can find her."
        "How if she really trying to move on?"
        "Do you still love her?"
        "Never changed even for a second."
        "Then take her back to you. I know you can do it."
        "Taekwoon... thank you."
        Taekwoon smiled a bit before leave my apartment. Park Sojin, where are you...?
*****
The thirty-fifth day without you
"You didn't know my biggest fear:
Was that you didn't care."
*****
I couldn't concentrate. The fact that it has been a week we still can't contact Sojin keeps on distract me. Jaehwan called Sojin's parents but they said Sojin isn't with them and also haven't contact them in the past half month. I've been criticized for my bad performance lately, but I rarely care about it. I wanna meet my girl. I wanna say sorry to her. I wanna tell her how much I love her. Only like that. Hopelessly, I got my phone to call her again, maybe for the hundred times already. But now Sojin's phone is turned on!
        "Sojin? Sojin it's me Hakyeon!"
        I was worried she won't answer my call since a long pause there, but finally I can hear her voice which I feel like a year didn't talk to her.
        "Hello Hakyeon..."
        I'm hardly realize it's really Sojin's voice. What makes me worry is her voice sounds so weak, so soft like a whisper only.
        "Sojin where are you? I've been searching for you!"
        Sojin is coughing a bit.
        "I'm in somewhere..."
        "Where? I wanna meet you."
        "I'm afraid I can't meet you now."
        She is talking so slow and it seems like talking in long sentence makes her powerless. It makes me worry so much.
        "Then when can I meet you? I really miss you Sojin. Really."
        I can't help myself to cry when I tell her my sincere words. There's a long pause between us again. What's in Sojin's mind now? Maybe she doesn't wanna see me anymore?
        "Let's meet... the day after tomorrow... at that beach."
        "Beach? Okay, let's meet there around this time?"
        "Sure Hakyeon..."
        "What happened with you? Are you sick, Sojin?"
        Sojin chuckled, "don't worry about me. Just worry about your bad performance. You should perform better and comeback as the fresh Hakyeon again."
        She is talking really slow now and making me getting more worry.
        "I... I promise. But... we will really meet right?"
        "Of course we will. See you, Hakyeon-a..."
        "S...see you Sojin."
        When we cut the call, those thousand feelings are appearing inside my heart. I'm happy finally I'm able to talk to her. But in another side, I'm also worry. Actually what's happening with her? And I should wait for 2 days til I can find out the answer.
*****
