In The Psychotherapy of the Deepest Self, Paul Vereshack M.D says, “...all knowledge above the abyss is the knowledge of avoidance (1).
The brain hates pain. The only thing it hates more than pain knows exactly where the pain is coming from. The brain hates connecting with the details of why and how we were originally hurt. It will do anything to keep from the direct experience of this knowledge. The brain blocks knowledge to preserve itself from being overwhelmed. It is not capable of remembering and reliving, all at once, the hundreds of thousands of large and small assaults that it has sustained and defended itself against through its lifetime. The ever-watchful unconscious will only let you in when it finally perceives that you have taken up the sword of inwardness and that you will not be turned aside. Then, and only then, will it begin to yield its ground to you. It tests you with serious discomfort. If, in spite of this, you remain implacably oriented toward it, it will fill your mind with its awesome and bittersweet treasures. (Chapter 19)
Furthermore, in modem psychology there are two kinds of one’s attitude in dealing with his or he crucial moment in his or her life, namely, “fight” or “flight”.
The expressing and healing of psychological pain depend upon the following truths of brain function:
1. The brain hates pain.
2. The brain hates knowing precisely how its pain arose in the first place. 3. When faced with either pain itself or knowledge of how that pain was created, the brain will try to bury it completely by pushing both the pain and the knowledge connected to it down and away from conscious awareness. Feeling discomforted and not wanting to know directly why, the brain struggles to solve the problem in a disguised and unfruitful way in later life. It will reorder the past and the present, changing the meaning of anything inside or outside itself in order to keep itself safe, and to attempt to solve its problems. It has been pointed out to me by Dr. Aletha Solter that when babies and young children are permitted to feel their feelings, they do not avoid pain. Please see both her book “Tears and Tantrums”, and her website: Aware Parenting Institute (http://www.awareyarenting.com]).
I categorized Anand in the second type of defend mechanism. Why? Because in dealing with Leukemia, he was confused and running here and there, not knowing what he was looking for. He avoided facing the reality.
2.2.1. Running Away to His Master
On September 1991, Anand had been in Sai Baba’s ashram at Prashanti Nilayam India for almost one full month. However, his beloved living Master never came close to him. Not even once did he look at him. He was still sitting in the grounds outside his Master’s quarters (87). In Anand’ s heart he could feel that actually the Master was avoiding him (153).
In the past he used to lecture on the flimsy nature of the human body and the immortality of All-Abiding Spirit. However, all his knowledge is meaningless when he stood in front of the death door. He asked to himself if such was not the case with everyone. And it was certainly not the first time that he would experience death. Anand was really afraid — afraid of death (153).
He also directly admitted it:
….when death stares at you, your body may or may not be in pain, but your mind surely trembles. The poor thing is afraid of losing its means of expression, the physical body with its sense organs, And the more “stuff’ of memories, obsessions and desires it has, the more afraid it gets. I could see myself apart from my mind. My body was in great pain, my mind was afraid, but I was neither of them. First I felt their pain and fear, later I could watch them. (154)
2.2.2. Running Away to Yoga Centre and Shuka Nadi
Anand decided to leave the threshold of his beloved living Master. First, he went to the city of Bangalore visiting Yoga Centre on the outskirt where he spent four weeks here. He got some friends to have blood transfusion.
His doctor in Indonesia had warned him that any virus or deficiency in the blood of the donor could be fatal for him. In India the risk was much higher, for many hospitals still used bottles to store in. Disposable bags were very expensive. Those bottles were used and re-used until they broke. Only God knows how they cleaned those bottles and ensured their sterility.
The people at Yoga Centre were very helpful and sweet. Anand’s heart was touched, but his body would not respond. “He spent most of the time in bed” (154).
A friend arranged a meeting with a certain Shastri (dukun), an authority on Shuka Nadi. It meant the gospel of life according to Shuka.