I almost slapped her in the face as if I didn’t remember that she’s a girl. No, she’s neither my wife nor my girlfriend. But yes, she’s the girl that I really want to take care of. She said we are best friends. But I think it should be more than that, more than anything in this world that I can even never belong to. She’s the precious living thing ever that I have ever known. No, I am not the guy who is abusive. Yes, I almost slapped her in the face that evening. But, it ended up with me just hit the table too hard so it a bit broke my knuckle and made me had to see the doctor afterwards.
“ I love him, Ron. I love him a lot!” said she calmly. She wasn’t crying. Oh she was actually. She tried so hard to hide it I could so clearly saw those small particles ran down her pretty face. She was lying about it which is she’s really good at. But never works to me. I knew she cried. at least, inside.
“ You love him too much you hurt yourself. You even realized that he doesn’t love you AT ALL!” my tone a bit bolder when I said those last two words.
“ He might love me...”
“ He might NOT love you too!!!” I cut her fast.
She exhaled.
“ What do you know about love?” She stared right to my eyes sharply.
I smirked. She knows my card. She knows everything about me.
“ Ha! what do you want to hear? About my failed relationships? About my girlfriend that killed my baby? Or, or, about My fiance that took my son away? tell me what you wanna hear!” cynically me.
“ What do you know about love, Ron? you’re a guy. Guys don’t know what love is!” here she was. This smartass challenged me.
“ Nah. you shot the target! Guys don’t know what love is! then you still think he loves you?” I won.
She sipped that expensive white wine she ordered. I saw her hand shook. I knew she won’t let me win. Now, what else?
I was waiting for her to say something. It was only the soft sound from the piano that was played in this lounge. I kept waiting. Her eyes wandered. I didn’t know what she was thinking about. But her eyes told me that she’s confused.
So, here the story began. There’s this guy that she loves. This guy treated her so well, like a lady. But he told her that he couldn’t commit to her. she still loves him no matter what. She’s happy when she met him, when he sent her texts, or even when he did nothing to her. She just loves him. I told her she loves him blindly. but she said she loves him unconditionally. I told her to walk away. She said she tried but she can’t so she stays. And there we were. Sat in the corner of a cigar lounge. Talking about the same thing. and I kept waiting for her to say something.
“ Guys just wanna have fun.” said she eventually.
I lit my cigarette. Sat back. Said nothing.
“ You know how it feels like. When you made him his favorite coffee in the morning but he prefer to stay sleeping. When you prefer staying at home, waiting for his call when he’s travelling. When you behave as a good girl and refuse to go out in a date with a hot smart well behaved guy in town. When you trust everything he said. Just because he treated you like a lady and he showed you like you’re the only precious girl in the universe. But eventually you knew the fact that he did those all just because he liked to do so. Not because he loved you. You know how it feels like, Ron?” her voice shook. She tried not to make drama. She finished her wine fast. I was intended to pour it again to her glass but she refused it. She pour it herself. A glassful and finish it in a second.
“ You know what, Ron? I think I was mistaken. There’s no love in guy’s world. They only know how to have fun. correct? hahaha. so, I’m just a having fun material, eh, Ron? I am so stupid. I thought I am better than that” she pour another one and finish it fast. damn this girl. she’s so broken but she always acts like a lady. I really wanna hug her now and never let anything touch her so nothing can break her.
“ You got the point, right? “ I raised my voice.
she chuckled.
“ I don’t wanna play victim here. But, Why God created women this way? why the population of women is more than men so it gives the strong reason to them to choose whomever women they wanna be with and simply just have fun with them. God said He created women in this world to be the jewel. that’s why He created us women so beautifully. But, after all why He ordered us to cover our body to avoid the men harassment? why don’t just you guys learn how to behave instead? I just don’t get it. We’re jewel, eh? so you guys just can so easily get us, wear us, as long as you have something to trade of? and whenever you are bored, you will just so simply find another one and do whatever you want and dump us or in a better way, keep us as collection eventually? Congratulations on you guys! you know what, Ron. If I can go back to my mother’s womb, in the fourth month, when God gave me the spirit and decided my sex, I might really wanna talk to God to created me as a man. “ she always pulls her life this way. Interesting.
“ I don’t wanna argue. so, you got the point right?” I winked. a bit relieved she realized that she didn’t deserve this guy.
She smiled so beautifully I wanna keep that smile in the glass box and keep seeing that every time.
“ I miss the moment when he shared his imagination about the swimming pool in the moon, Ron. I miss that face when he was talking about the building he wanna reincarnated be.” said she sadly.
“ You’re a masochist!” I started a bit mad. this girl is so stubborn.
“ I might be, Ron. or might be not, as you said.” she took my cigarette and lit it.
“ Listen. If he loves you he will simply just show it... “
“ And he showed it.” cut she.
“ But he told you eventually, he didn’t know where you guys are going!” My voice raised.
“ He said he didn’t know. He didn’t say he didn’t want.”
“ You moron! He might say that too to other girls! wake up!”
“ Or he might not...”
And I almost slapped her in the face as if I didn’t remember that she’s a girl. No, she’s neither my wife nor my girlfriend. But yes, she’s the girl that I really want to take care of. She said we are best friends. But I think it should be more than that, more than anything in this world that I can even never belong to. She’s the precious living thing ever that I have ever known. No, I am not the guy who is abusive. Yes, I almost slapped her in the face that evening.
“YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME. NOW JUST DO WHATEVER YOU WANT, TAKE THE RISK AND DON’T TALK TO ME AGAIN!!!”
But, it ended up with me just hit the table too hard so it a bit broke my knuckle and made me had to see the doctor afterwards.
I left that lounge when I heard her called my name in her sob. I never turned back, I didn’t wanna do that. But I knew I had to do something to wake her up. She’s too worth it. She’s much better than just a have fun material. She’s just too blind to see it herself. I just hope she realize it.
After that evening, I went abroad for a month to calm myself down. I was trying to get her out of my mind. I told my maid at home not to tell where I was going. I didn’t talk to her since then. It was hurting me, but I knew she will always be ok. She’s a little soldier. She fought her life like an army in the world war. She made of steel. She’s a smart precious girl. But she turned to be the most idiot living thing ever when it’s about love.
She kept sending me messages and I was still on my feet not to response them. Until I read this one,
“ Ron, where are you? you were right. I should listen to you. He might not love me. He might only want me to keep him company. He didn’t wanna be alone. Or I might be just too good for his ego. But he might not love me. where are you, Ron? Please go home.”
I didn’t know what kind of feeling it was. the mix of a bit relieved and shocked. I called her to meet me at the cafe we were used to go.
“ I am glad to see you again, Ron!” she hugged me when we met.
“I am more than happy to see you smile again.” I said silently.
we ordered the dishes we are used to and talked, shared stories and laughs for hours.
“ You know what, Ron. I wrote a song about him. it’s called Swimming Pool in the Moon. do you wanna listen?”
I chocked . I can’t say anything else but...
“ I hope this bastard can see her worth. dumbass lucky guy.” I whispered.
I never pray. But this time I really wanna do this and wishing her to get well soon. She doesn’t deserve this. never!
Bekasi, April 18th 2015
21.42
Written based on true story.
To all women all over the world that can’t realize that you’re worth it. trust me, it’s not your fault!
