Those hurtful words carry a great power to influence my mind.
In my adolescence, I grew up as a girl who had a low self-esteem and self-hating.
I suffered from inferiority feelings. Sometimes, I think myself as an unworthy and unacceptable person no matter what I do or whatever achievement I made.
I was considering myself as a philophobic. I think that I do not deserve to be in love, cannot be loved by somebody and nobody will loves me in return.
At that time, I detest myself for being ugly and was lacking of self-confidence. I blame my unhappiness on my body and face. I always believe that I was ugly both inside and outside. Because of that, I was distancing myself from the others. Not participating or socializing and always try to avoiding mirrors so I cannot see my disgusting face. Sometimes I think that, whether I was around or not, it wouldn't make a difference. Even if I die, no one will looks for me. Emotional pain from my experience, created an invisible wound that leads to my self-destruction.
Until now, I have never consider myself as a beauty.
Self Acceptance
Everyone dealing with their own pain.
After underwent a similar situation in my junior high school, I did not want to destroying myself for the second time. So, I left my hometown in order to recovering and starting a new life. I went to study aboard in senior high school, far away from my family and friends.
Overcoming that traumatic experiences was one of my hardest effort in life. I was lucky enough to realized that life is too beautiful to be wasted. I never regret my decision to come out from my hometown. The thing that I learn from life, If people around you did not care or not supporting you, you must go away from that place and start looking for a new place where the people would loved you for the way you are and cherished you.
And I found my place. I found my 'home'.
