Mom, Love, and Me

I hope it will complete my imbalance triangle. So far, my feeling tells me if it will have such relation to love. Approximately, I almost complete it, but the time was broken up when the moment came and I knew if she was not mine. It was just thrilled and I had to let it go anytime. I closed the chance by forgetting what I had ever felt and already promised to my self that what I had been released, it would not point to return.

Allah still keeps a beautiful one for me, but not now. I tried whole hearted and made sure to my self that a holy love happens when we can sincerely leave someone who we love so that she can find happiness, though not with us.

Nowadays I would like to focus to chase my dream, so I’ll forget about this feeling and I’m certain that I’ll get there. I start to concede my life to Allah and wait then see till the triangle will completely be neck and neck to build the puzzle becomes great pyramid.

Allah is an architect of our life, surely we belong to Allah and to Him we will be returned. I can only propose but, it is the Almighty who will decide everything. I believe there are 3 answers of prays: first, Allah will grant it directly; second, Allah will suspend it till the right time and the third, Allah will change our pray with a better one.

Trust me, Allah will guard us with bright wings, stay till our heart learns to see all life completely. Sometimes, when I think about love, reason lies helplessly. I often pretend because the truth is scary. Even though I thought if she was an almost-perfect girl, but she is not perfect for me. Someday I need someone who’s going to be there for me, no matter what happen sometimes the world comes in a hurry, someone who truly loves me, someone I can trust. I believe that day will come and finally Allah will put her as a supporter in my imbalance triangle on April 20.

Perhaps I am not a good-enough-man like Andy Dufresne in Showshank Redemption, who sent letters for around 6 years for the chief of Showshank Prison District. He did not do this for his freedom but he only intend to add books in prison library. And I’m not as patient as Brooks that spent 50 years of his life as a book keeper in Book Hatlen library.

I was here but where is the supporter of my imbalance triangle?

It is God’s destiny.

(In memory of April 20)

Manado on May 10th, 2010.