Parent's Concept of Reward and Punishment: Further Effects On A Child

Consider that every parent owns a typically same destination when it comes to raising a child. They all ponder a fine specimen, kind-hearted, educated, and mannerful child. Yet beyond those "generally typical" standards, lies a complex and varied path of raising a child. 

There are no clues upon a child's tendencies, what they will be, how they will socialize, how smart they will be and so on. The big misconception lies beneath the urge to raise a society fulfilling child. Society's moral based value is indeed a good point of raising a child. 

Thus, a system is created to raise a child according to the standards. A set of rules and policies created by parents. Either formed through a one sided decision or "democratic" process between parent and child, rules aren't meant to be violated. This is why a set of actions to prevent a childs repetitive mistake is created. Warning, detention, or sometimes physical punishments

Child's critical ages of behavioural development ( 3-6 ) are deeply affected through what the child consumes. At this point, parents' positions are critical. Their methods on judging, punishing, correcting, and praising their child will form a child's reference to "safe" and "threatened". This simple reference will affect a child's ability to adapt against a particular condition. 

Take Billy for an example. Ever since Billy was a child, his parents are roughly using the reward and punishment system to develop Billy's concept of wrong and right, good or bad etc. 

In every misalignment of Billy's behavior against his parents rules, Billy will receive a detention consisting of 1 hour standing against a wall or sometimes a slap in the face conduct by his father. In other situations where Billy is doing nothing wrong or doing something good such as helping his mother, Billy will receive a small compliment or sometimes a treat such as candy or 1 hour of watching cartoons. 

A simple system for a young parent to control their child's behaviour. But not for long. Eventually, Billy will achieve his conscience and his very own judgement upon the concept of truth. Billy's interaction with society, school, and the education process will affect Billy's ability to adapt against a variety of truth concepts and values. 

Billy's world is no longer limited to inside his house, family, and his parents' rules. Once again, not only affected by his parents' behaviour tendency heritage, but his early life experience and society's concept according to Billy's understanding. This sort of conscience appears in the teenage - adulthood transition. Billy's parents will no longer be able to apply their previous system. Billy got his own concept of truth and ratio independence.

Parenting method used by Billy's parents forms a flawful mindset inside Billy's mind. Billy's survival instinct pushes him to be safe every time. This leads to his ability to modify a truth to a safe state to achieve his safety. 

The lack of conscience beneath a child's decision won't push the child's ability to grow according to his understanding. 

Billy will forever be haunted by his traumatic childhood fear of his father, and the "push" to make his parents happy or proud. His shallow concept of "safe" and "unsafe" will have a critical effect on his behaviour. When Billy didn't find his place between right or wrong, Billy keep on lying just to keep him safe. 

Time after time, Billy might accept the painful truth of his parents "parenting imperfection". But Billy's critical childhood moments are already filled with misconception and a dangerous control system. 

Billy tends to do "positive" things or even lie to gain other people's appreciation, acceptance, and validation. On the other hand, his irrational fear of failing or doing wrong things plays a big part in his actions to feel "safe" . Billy is not a "fail" subject nor a "success" one. He probably functioned as properly as everyone else and still served the society's needs. But Billy will find it hard to be an honest person. 

So what should we do to fix the system of reward and punishment? Erase the punishments. Replace it with a fairer explanation upon his mistakes offer him better options.  Or at least, try the least traumatizing punishments. Physical contacts are undenieably useful in the right dose.

Firm and stern physical contacts asserts dominance. But violence, asserts fear. Instead of forming those kind of fear, focus more on explanation and fair concept on wrong and right. 

Consider what kind of image that will appear inside the child's mind when it comes to their parents. An person with authority? An enemy? A strict dictator? A democratic yet educational leader? A teacher? or perhaps, a friend. 

But once again, we have no clue upon what lies inside a child's mind. Hopefully, our incapability on knowing what going on inside our child's mind,  pushes us to a bonding quest for better adjacency. And never forget that, time passes by quickly. You might change your method. But your child cannot change their memories.

 Well at least, that's what I capture from stories, real life evidence, and behavioral tendencies I found on the relating subject(s) with same cases.