Parent's Concept of Reward and Punishment: Further Effects On A Child

Billy will forever be haunted by his traumatic childhood fear of his father, and the "push" to make his parents happy or proud. His shallow concept of "safe" and "unsafe" will have a critical effect on his behaviour. When Billy didn't find his place between right or wrong, Billy keep on lying just to keep him safe. 

Time after time, Billy might accept the painful truth of his parents "parenting imperfection". But Billy's critical childhood moments are already filled with misconception and a dangerous control system. 

Billy tends to do "positive" things or even lie to gain other people's appreciation, acceptance, and validation. On the other hand, his irrational fear of failing or doing wrong things plays a big part in his actions to feel "safe" . Billy is not a "fail" subject nor a "success" one. He probably functioned as properly as everyone else and still served the society's needs. But Billy will find it hard to be an honest person. 

So what should we do to fix the system of reward and punishment? Erase the punishments. Replace it with a fairer explanation upon his mistakes offer him better options.  Or at least, try the least traumatizing punishments. Physical contacts are undenieably useful in the right dose.

Firm and stern physical contacts asserts dominance. But violence, asserts fear. Instead of forming those kind of fear, focus more on explanation and fair concept on wrong and right. 

Consider what kind of image that will appear inside the child's mind when it comes to their parents. An person with authority? An enemy? A strict dictator? A democratic yet educational leader? A teacher? or perhaps, a friend. 

But once again, we have no clue upon what lies inside a child's mind. Hopefully, our incapability on knowing what going on inside our child's mind,  pushes us to a bonding quest for better adjacency. And never forget that, time passes by quickly. You might change your method. But your child cannot change their memories.

 Well at least, that's what I capture from stories, real life evidence, and behavioral tendencies I found on the relating subject(s) with same cases.