I don't see, I don't speak, I don't hear.
Ssst...silence, look, Mrs Dalloway never going anywhere, she's just like bad memories stick with you forever. You have two choices, let it eats you or just abbandon every single step she made to get your attention. Sometimes, when I cannot take it any longer, I just wish that I had a gun and shoot her, put her in an instantly death. But the reality is, I just simply put my gun on my head because I am her. So I never do it. I must be alive because too many dolphin and turtles and turtles eggs thats end up on your plate as I'm walking a long walk.
So, it is a long walk right? A long walk at night and day. When the road is chill (the strange one that Jakarta's could have such temperature like that), when turist from holland stayed here for months after travelling around the world and finally got girlfriend, when a kid is crying, when a couple is kissing, when the traffic crowded, when people going nuts and burnt somebody houses and cars because of the religion issue, when the dogs simply played together, when a girl decided to quit from a job, when a guy desprately finding what he wants and why he lost his track right now, and another girl who's accept all the reallity that always come in her complicated life, and a lonesome man that stick to his loneliness because his wife already passed away and nobody can replaced her.
It is a long walk.
I'm okay, I'm flat. Don't worry. Too much tears last months before, so when it drop again today, that's count for nothing. So I start not hopping, no dreaming.
I don't see, I don't speak, I don't hear, I don't dream.
That's why it looks like easy going, but in fact it needs a big power to stabilize everything. A big power to kill every dream that appear. Just like killing dolphins at Taiji. They stab on them, stab, stab, stab. You can hear the dolphins screaming. Its painful to hear, tore my heart. You can see their flipper flap all over the place beause the stabbing cause no sudden death. They use long lance to stab the dolphins. Animals always have insting to survive in life, so you can see this dying dolphin tried to escape with blood appear in water everytime he swim, and then you can see that he's struggling to take breath, one, two, three up in water, but then he close his eyes and flip all over with belly on the surface. I hate to see it. Ripped my heart and throw it all over the place. Then there's no sound anymore, no screaming, no flipper flapping, the water turns red. Just like that every September, there's no October for Taiji's dolphin.
Memories sometimes bad. But when you swallow it and lived with it as a part of your past, accept it, you will get up again. You'll found many reasons to get up, maybe silly reasons for anybody else, try not to care, you need to give your life no your own before help anyone or anything. And memories will appear misteriously. I will remember randomly when I see buildings, hear the songs, smell the rain, feel the wind touch my face, see in heights, taste a bitter drink like wine or beer, anything.
Memories are memories, don't try to build them and say what if, they just there and never changed. Sorry will spread all over the place as thank you did.
I cherish you, you cherish her, she cherish him, he cherish them, they cherish me, I cherish you, and on and on and on so the love never lasts.
I don't know how this world works for me or me works againts them. But nature always have their own melody. And that's enourmous fact that we have to agree with. It's hard sometimes, because you force yourself to be perfect while you're not, and when it comes to my limit, I need a break, I'll lit my cigarette on my head and take a long chat with myself.
