Pemisahan paragraph ketiga dari paragraph kedua juga kurang tepat, karena paragraph tiga hanya terdiri dari satu informasi saja yang dimana informasi tersebut bisa digunakan sebagai overview karena memberikan gambaran besar terkait dengan grafuknya.Â
Di paragraph keempat, informasi yang disampaikan sama dengan apa yang disampaikan di paragraph ketiga, hanya saja lebih dijabarkan sedikit sehingga adanya pengulangan informasi disini yang tidak diperlukan. Contoh paragraphing yang lebih baik adalah sebagai berikut;
(Paragraph 2)
According to the given illustration, about 70 million tons of various goods were transported in the UK using the road transportation system initially in 1974. In this year second largest goods quantity (40 million tonnes) was transported using the rail lines while almost similar amount of goods was brought in using water ways. Pipelines were used to bring the minimum amount of goods which consisted of about 5 million tonnes.
Di paragraph 2 ini, penjelasan dan perbandingan hanya fokus ke tahun 1974 (titik awalnya). Dan juga di dalam perbandingan ini, angka disebutkan agar lebih jelas mana yang lebih banyak dan sedikit.
(Paragraph 3)
Over the years, the amount of goods transported in the UK increased with some fluctuations and the use of water ways increased significantly. Roads remained the main transportation systems for bringing these goods through the years and in 2002 about 100 million tonnes of goods were transported in the UK using road transportation systems.Â
Water ways contributed the second largest quantity of goods transportation in this year which was more than 60 million tonnes. Total amount of goods transported using the railway showed some fluctuations but remained almost same as it was in 1974. Finally, the use of pipeline for goods transportation increased to over 20 million tonnes compared to only 5 million tonnes in 1974.
Sedangkan di paragraph 3, penjelasan dan perbandingan berfokus antara tahun setelah 1974 sampai dengan 2002. Di sini, dengan jelas pola yang terjadi di semua sistem transportasi dijabarkan.
- Spelling and grammar: Di contoh atas, masih ada beberapa kesalahan spelling seperti penulisan "stable" and "decrease". Kesalahan seperti ini sebenarnya bisa dihindari jika kita lebih teliti. Selain itu, kesalahan grammar juga masih ada di dalam contoh atas. Kalau untuk kesalahan ini, terkadang sangat sulit untuk kita hindari penuh karena memang tingkat kesulitannya yang lebih tinggi, Namun, kesalahan grammar seperti jamak tunggal yang dilakukan di atas bisa dihindari. Contoh kesalahan adalah: ... however, throughout the years to 2002 water transports grew of more than twenty millions tonnes ... (seharunya twenty million tonnes, millions tidak boleh dalam bentuk jamak disini), dan Except for rails, every modes of transport examined easily rise of almost twenty millions tones (every harus di ikuti oleh kata benda tunggak jadi seharusnya every mode).
Sample 2: Full sample of Band 8
The line graph displays how many goods were shipped in the UK between 1974 and 2002 by four different means of transport. Overall, road remained the primary way of transport during the 28-year period. In addition, shipments increased for all modes except rail, which was essentially unchanged.
