"Do you need to bring anything else?"I suddenly asked. When you shook your head, I smiled and said, "Take care, dear."
"I love you so much, Mommy."You were smiling back at me, which made me see the ghost of your father for a while then. I silently choked, thinking:
Have I failed her, Ray? I wish you were still here. You'd always understood her better.
I didn't know why your eyes reminded me of the time you were six, accidentally breaking my favourite china. You hadn't been crying, but your eyes were pleading -- a silent apology.
"I love you too, baby."There. I'd just missed another opportunity. I stood there as I let you kiss my cheek, turn around, and walk away. The moment the door closed, I sat down and cried.
Do you hide your tears too, everytime you turn away?I think your violent dreams have been enough. I've heard more than enough in your sleep.
But how do I get you to talk to me in your waking hours? How do I convince you that no, I'm not going to be angry? I promise you, baby, even when I'm not ready. I just need to knw what's been bothering you lately.
Please, you can tell Mommy...
Nobody has ever asked you to always be tough, so I'm wondering why you've chosen to go down that road anyway...
R.
(Jakarta, 19/10/2017 -- for Jakarta's Couchsurfing Writers' Club Weekly Writing Challenge at Caribou Coffee, Sarinah -- Thamrin, Central Jakarta. Topic: "sleep".)
