Last year on the first day of Eid, I did something pretty drastic and rather unorthodox. While most people would usually decorate their Facebook timelines with "Eid Mubarak"greetings and all that jazz, I had posted this message status instead:
"Wanna have a peaceful Eid with me? Don't ever start asking questions, joking, nor making nasty comments about my weight, thank you very much!"
I supposed that had worked, because nobody had bugged me with that. Probably they had read it and did not want to risk it. Although that had been my major relief, a friend then texted me that same day:
"You're not alone in this. I've received similar comments about my weight from relatives during Christmas, until my response about how all my boyfriends loved my body anyway had shut them up. You know, people will always have something to say about us. As long as you're confident and happy with the way you look, their opinions shouldn't matter."
True, I completely agree with her. Still, it is a lot easier said than done, though. You may keep quiet all you like, but there are people who seem to never know -- nor even care -- when to shut up. Whether it is about your weight, why you are still single, how many kids they think you should have once you are married, your low-salary job...
...and the list just goes on and on and on. It is as if you are never going to be good enough for any of them. Suddenly, Eid celebration with your family feels more like going into an annual battlefield, where their intrusive questions and judgmental comments are the bullets you cannot seem to dodge.
It does not matter what you say.
- "Oh, they're only making a conversation. Don't be so overly sensitive."
- "Come on, just bear with them. You only see them once a year anyway."
- "They care about you, so that's why they wanna know more about you."
My take on all that?
- Of all the many other existing topics on earth, why do they always have to go there? And please, enough with the superiour attitude, minimising others. Arrogance always feels most sickening when one refuses to validate the (hurt) feelings of others.
- Seriously, do they have to repeat the same old performance every freaking year?
- Sure, they do. Otherwise, they wouldn't keep on poking into our personal business and pointing at each of our possible 'flaw' as if they've got none themselves.
Besides, what is so wrong and difficult with a plain, simple "How are you?" Let them tell their stories and please refrain from making negative comments and giving some know-it-all advice. (Believe me, people can tell the difference.) When you ask them how they are, do you really want to listen or are you eager to find their faults at things?
Fortunately, there has been a rude awakening lately. Not only articles, memes, and jokes about this matter, more and more people have begun to realise that these questions and comments are just NOT OKAY.
Eid Holiday is supposed to be filled with love, appreciation, and sense of gratitude towards each other -- families and friends. How does one feel loved and accepted when meeting relatives makes you feel more like attending an appraisal interview, regarding your past "accomplishments" and "what should be your next goal(s)"?
Let it go. Let them be. Life is too short to keep on criticising each other, especially when all they want is to hang out with you without feeling like they have to keep up their appearances and all. Just pray for their well-being. That should not be so hard.
Thankfully, my Eid was full of kitchen duties (and I did it for Ma, mind you. Not because I am a woman and people think I should.) Luckily, people have stopped asking.
Hopefully, your Eid had been peaceful too. Otherwise, you can start setting a better example on how to be a more pleasant participant for another Eid holiday next year.
R.
Baca konten-konten menarik Kompasiana langsung dari smartphone kamu. Follow channel WhatsApp Kompasiana sekarang di sini: https://whatsapp.com/channel/0029VaYjYaL4Spk7WflFYJ2H