Summary of "Of Boys and Men" Part (3)

Summary:

Richard Reeves discusses the problem of the opioid epidemic and how it is linked to the broader male malaise in society. He argues that the loss of a role in the family and status in the labor market, combined with isolation and withdrawal, is a perfect illustration of why men and boys are struggling. Reeves emphasizes that there is nothing inherently wrong with men and boys, but they are just facing new challenges and need help adjusting to this new world. The lack of male teachers to help boys in education, the scarcity of men in the growing fields of occupation, and fathers being left on the sidelines of their children's lives are contributing to a vicious cycle that makes it harder for other men and boys to succeed. 

*My notes: 

- Drugs problem, suicide problem, misdemeanor problem. This is not the area men should be proud of, but the fact is men dominate those problems. In my honest opinion, the significantly higher number of trans women than trans men is the result of how society treats boys as "dysfunctional girls". 

All of this is due to the missing presence of male in the boys' life as boys are not known to be the "caretaker" whether in a form of fatherhood, teachers, psychologists and some growing fields of occupation. I understand the low number of male role model who wants to step up and this is what we need to address, but having a heavily female point of view for the boys is also wrong, with all due respect to all women out there. 

Another issue, which is also more prevalent for men than women, is the friendship recession and the declining number of people who have close friends that they can turn to in times of crisis. Reeves suggests paying more attention to understanding and cultivating meaningful friendships, which the ancient philosophers saw as the ideal relationship. Richard Reeves discusses the importance of friendship and factors that are getting in the way of people having more friends. While friendship is a pure human relationship that survives only as an equal friendship, it is difficult to measure qualitatively and quantitatively. The rise of mobility, the adoption of technology, and parents spending more time raising their kids has led to a decline in actual face-to-face friendships. However, technology plays a double-edged role in sustaining friendships. While it can impede developing real friendships, it is clear that online friendships can augment, and in some cases, lead to and sustain those other kinds of friendships too. Interestingly, during the pandemic, women who typically have more friends than men suffered the most in terms of losing touch with them.

Richard Reeves explains why it becomes harder to make friends as we get older. He suggests that people fill their time with other activities, including work, but he also believes there is a deeper issue at work - vulnerability. Making a true friend requires one to admit the desire for friendship, revealing a need and desire that is not always easy to admit as we age. Unfortunately, research suggests that the lack of friends can have a profoundly negative impact on health, both physical and mental, indicating that making and sustaining friendships is crucial to human well-being. Reeves suggests that as we live longer, recognizing the importance of friendship becomes even more critical, making the decline in social networks an issue that we need to take seriously.

My notes:

- I intentionally highlight the first sentence because toxic masculinity is prevalent in our society. When boys are already playing "catch-up" in school due to the disadvantage they have, they are also spending time that strays them from their strength. I believe wholeheartedly that both boys and girls need structure, especially at a young age, but I would argue that boys need a longer guidance as their competitive nature could be their own downfall.

For example: I grew up playing basketball and I do still play it occasionally. There's nothing wrong with basketball, but without structure, I was involved with peers, who can be a bad influence to me because there was no adult supervision. WIthout structure, it strengthens the vicious cycle of toxic masculinity which stays in their adulthood.