Go Clean Out Your Junk Drawer!

When I was 15, I got into the most prestigious high school in my town. Everyone was cheering for me, feeling overjoyed that I got what I deserved. I believed I would be doing just fine around the highly overcompetitive students. But boy, was I wrong. Instead of thriving, I found myself drowning in an environment that made me feel the need to be the best, to be just the same as my peers. I need to get into a very prestigious college to fit in. So that consumes me for the whole 3 years. I set my goal, I want to get into Indonesia University. And since I am a social being, I tried to shape myself with the people who have the same target as me. I give my all, but I forgot about the most vital aspect: something that is way beyond my control. 

My mom never agreed to let me travel over 500 km. And the funny thing about life is; they will always try to joke with you all the time. For every college entrance exam attempt I took at that same university, I only got a rejection message. Until the very end. It blows my self-esteem for months. While I watched all my friends thrive in their top 3 colleges, I had to feel satisfied with just several steps behind them. Before I knew it, all the emotions flowed into one. Anger, sadness, fear, confusion, but never happiness.

Then, I realized I needed to clean out my junk drawer. Abraham Maslow in 1943 figured out a marvelous concept to discover our true self called the Hierarchy of Needs. Maslow proposed that unsatisfied needs will drive our behavior. So, I tried to dive into my emotions. I was angry at my mother for her protective stance. And did I feel sad? Is it because I feel like I didn't try hard enough? Correct. Despite all my exhaustive preparation, maybe luck wasn't really on my side. 

Now that I have already thrown everything out, how do I start to clean my dirty drawer? Well, turns out I need to accept that everything is not under my control. Yes, even emotion. And to understand this means that I only need to focus on myself--the only variable I can fully control. So, I began my quest to discover my power. I tried several paths with all my resources until my heart gravitated toward the graphic design field.

Maslow's wisdom echoed in my mind: if you want to be at peace with yourself, you just have to do anything that suits your potential. Express yourself. Chase every potential that comes at you, and only with that, can you be the best version of yourself.

I am here to say that self-actualization is the most difficult thing anyone can get themselves into. It is indeed easier said than done. It takes a lot of time to fully accept the reality that we're in. We're not living in a white-and-black world. Most of the time, we live in grey areas. We are a bunch of imperfect people. Full of flaws and scars. We are broken a million times but that's what makes us so shiny. As long as you believe in yourself, there's nothing to be scared of. 

Maybe, later in the future, we can even strive to be selfless and contribute something greater than ourselves to this conundrum state of the world.

Resources:

Edward Hoffman. (1988). A Biography of Abraham Maslow. Los Angeles: Jeremy P. Tarcher.

Greene, L., & Burke, G. (2007). Beyond self-actualization. Journal of Health and Human Services Administration, 116-128.