Fire and Life

Wet streets with puddles around it, making it difficult for me to walk in this small city. I lifted the sack that was in my hand which contained used goods that I collected for sale, unfortunately because the weather was not supportive, I had to stop my search and choose to go home. Going through many obstacles just to go home is the most tiring thing, now I sit and look around imagining that if I were a rich woman and have a steady job. Maybe now I am not sitting in a wooden hut that is almost rickety and has a hole in the roof, work very hard just to eat a bite of rice, no guarantees and no help. Especially now that my mother is sick and needs medicine, I am so confused about where else to find money, just collecting used goods is not enough for my family and what about my little sister, I am just afraid that my family will eventually die of hunger. I need to find a way and get another extra job.

“Ani, how is today? Are you getting enough wages?” The voice interrupted my reverie and brought me back to my senses, then looked in the direction where the voice came from. My mother stood there in shabby clothes, looking at me expectantly. “Today I did not get anything, the rain was so heavy, and I did not have time to go to the exchange, they were closed at this time. I'm sorry mother." I said it in a tone full of disappointment and implied my mother's sad face which made me feel even more guilty now, “I should have done better” “I must not stop and shade just because of the rain" those words keep replaying in my mind, I feel like I want to beat myself up.

“Ani, it is okay. There is still tomorrow, even today rice and eggs are still available, you do not need to worry.”

“How about your medicine, mom? You need that”

“I told you, there is still tomorrow. It is okay my dear, I am fine as you see that I can already stand on my own." The smile on my mom's face wants to make me sure that she was okay, even though in my heart I still feel guilty, but I have to believe what my mother said.

And then came tomorrow, where I had to earn money. when I wanted to go my little sister waved her hand and smiled sweetly, making me excited. I walked around this small town to get and collect used goods. Until when I passed a big house, I met Balqis where she used to be the one who bullied me, I did not expect to meet her, I still remember how she poured hot broth on my body until I had to be taken to the medical room. If you think Balqis is penalized, you are wrong because I was the one who was expelled from school for hitting her back. this is all because of power and money, I am now dealing with her. Gosh I really want to throw this sack in her face, but I am sure I will be going to the jail. The social gap is so visible, isn't it? who have money, they can be in power and the poor? should be trampled on. This all annoyed me and added to the remarks from Balqis at this time.

“Ani, long time no see. I can see that you are getting poorer, aren't you? What a pity.”

Looking at me so disgusted while chuckling which makes my face harden, “Can you shut up? I do not need your opinion.” “Just get out of my way!”  Now her gaze turned cynical, after I said the second sentence.

“First, it is not opinion. It is fact about you and two, your way? Come on, Adriani. Do the poor like you have the right to rule like ours? Of course not!”

In an annoying tone, she pointed at me as if it was all my fault. If I could choose, I do not want to be poor either, but this is all destinies. I was born in a family with an economic disadvantage, but I am still grateful and thanks to my mother, she named me Adriani which means strong. “But I am still human, Balqis. Whether it's rich or poor, humans still have rights and please do not bother me anymore." I could see the look on her face harden, she chuckled in annoyance and went into the big house.

Then I continued my journey looking for used goods, after all this time I explored the place, I stopped at a shoe shop and noticed those beautiful shoes. I wish that one day I can get my hands on the beautiful shoes on display, suddenly the shop door opened making me look in that direction and I saw a well-dressed woman with a name tag, I could already guess that the woman was an employee of this shop and her gaze at me made me uncomfortable.

“What are you doing? We do not accept beggars.” Her hands swing as if to shoo me away, I thought for sure she would say something unpleasant to me, but I do not the beggars. I work not begging even though my job is picking up used goods.

“I am not a beggar and I'm just looking around, is it wrong?”

“You are blocking the view so leave now from our shop, poor girl!” There was a bit of emphasis at the end of the sentence and this time I cannot argue because she was right, without thinking anymore I left that place but when I was turn around, I saw Balqis who was holding back laughter, I made sure she heard my conversation with the woman.

“Beggar? HAHAHAHA it really suits to you.”

“Why you are here?” Regardless of her ridicule, I chose to ask her.

“Obviously I will buy those EXPENSIVE shoes that you CANNOT afford.” Balqis smirked and looked down at me, then she spoke again which surprised me and my legs immediately went limp. “Your house or what you could say your little hut…has been torn down away.”

“WHAT?! What happen?”

The grin on her face made me very angry "My father has bought land there and disturbing things must be cleaned like your hut oh…sorry, I mean your house." I really cannot believe what Balqis said just now but suddenly a voice came from behind me to interrupt which I made sure it was the woman who spoke and made me look back, “She was right, the small houses would be torn down and destroyed.” And finally, the woman walked into the shop like nothing happened and what she said was no big deal. Yes, it is for her but not for me.

“Damn it!”

Feeling angry and worried I ran to my house, I could not think of anything else besides my mother and my little sister. When I got there, I saw such a terrible mess with crowds of people who were crying because their houses had been destroyed by the bulldozer and including my house, my body was very weak. Then my eyes searched for the whereabouts of my mother and my little sister, because the atmosphere was so chaotic I had trouble finding their whereabouts, I ran here and there then finally I found them. My mother who was sitting hugging my little sister with her pale face accompanied by tears coming out of her eyes.

“Mom…” With a tone so limp I called her and approached her.

Then, I crouched before him “Are you okay?” My mom shook her head then stroked my head and moved on to hold my cheek, she looked at me so deeply that it penetrated my heart until tears fell into my eyes.

“I am sorry, Adriani.”

“Mom…it is okay, we can through this together.”

Again, and again my mother shook her head, “I am sorry, I cannot keep us.”

With the look on my face that was so confused, I wondered what my mother meant, it seems this is not about our house but there are other things. Then her eyes went to my little sister, I was getting more confused.

“What happen, mom?”

“She was dead, your little sister was dead.” Her hoarse voice stabbed into my heart causing me to fall to my knees and then everything went dark.

The sounds of birds chirping interrupting my hearing made me come back to my senses, I opened my eyes and looked around. I was so surprised and confused at the same time, I saw on my right my mother was asleep and then I looked to the left I could see my little sister was also sleeping, it took me a while to realize it and understand the current situation.

“Wait, it was…”

My eyes darted around again and then chuckled, “…a dream.” I felt relieved but then I did not rule out the possibility that it would come true. In fact, Balqis' father bought this land. I went back to see my mother and younger sister, I was very scared. I do not want to see them cry, I do not want them to see this house destroyed. I feel I have to do something, and something came to my mind that could solve all of this. “This is the right way.”

I went out to look for the ingredients needed around my house and I finally found them, a two-jerry filled with an oil. If you guess that I will do something like you think then the answer is yes, it is. I will burn my own house along with my mother and little sister, but I am not crazy. It is the best way, they will not be sad to see this house destroyed and they will not suffer anymore, especially my mother. What a pity, she has been in pain for a long time. Therefore, I will end her pain and my pain. And for my little sister, I think it is better now than later she will feel the bitterness of this world and later she will lose that beautiful smile, of course I do not want to. Without thinking further, I watered the oil. I first watered it from the outside then from the inside. I flushed all around our bed and all of our equipment, then I struck a match and just threw it away, the fire started, and I went back to bed, looking my mom and my little sister then smiling and closing my eyes.

“It is over now.” I could feel the fire growing bigger and about to devour us all then I heard people screaming, my mom woke up and I held her.

“Now is the time for me to apologise. I am sorry, mom. This is our path, just stop trying.”

My mother moved her sleeping position to the middle then hugged me and my little sister, then she nodded like she understood what I just said.