hey, it's been weeks no writings! Lots of problems came ahead dan i just had to deal with them.
It's nice, finally, we have some time alone, like... a ME time. A time specialized just for me,myself and my whole universe around me. This is the time when i can spend my prcious time to evaluate what i have through this whole f*cking week...err..month, i mean.
1. Faith.
what is faith for you?
bagi beberapa orang,keyakinan akan dikaitkan dengan agama mereka. Baiklah, kita tidak akan membahas agama secara eksplisit disini. Kita berbicara tentang keyakinan.
“Scepticism is the beginning of Faith.”
-Oscar Wilde-
Bagiku, keyakinan adalah hasil dari pencarianmu. Sesuatu yang perlu kau uji dan akhirnya, itulah pegangan hidupmu.
Ya, saya sependapat dengan Oscar Wilde. Keraguan adalah awal dari keyakinan. Aku sudah berpuluh tahun memeluk suatu agama. Bagaikan pasangan yang telah berpacaran selama hampir ..errr...22 tahun, aku selalu menemukan hal baru padanya.
Ternyata rupanya tidak secantik apa yang dikatakan orang - orang tentangnya. Mungkin, itu karena pergaulannya. Namun aku menemukan sesuatu dalam dirinya, yang melebihi dari apa yang dikatakan oleh para penceramah. Sesuatu yang kusebut... Esa. Maha Esa.
Ketika aku melihat kembali pada pasanganku ini, aku sadar aku terlalu lama bersama nya. Terlalu lama hingga aku tidak bisa melihat, apa yang ada di dalam hatinya. Ketika aku membaca kembali apa yang dikatakannya, aku tahu... pasanganku ini hanya menjadi pengiringku pada kekasihku yang sebenarnya, Pencipta-ku.
Aku tidak bisa berhenti terus menelusuri panggilan Pencipta - ku. Aku tidak bisa berhenti pada satu titik kepuasan aku telah bersama seseorang dan berhenti mencari panggilan hidupku. Aku perlu merasa ragu, mencari kebenaran, maka aku tau..keyakinanku tidak sia - sia.
2. LOVE
Yeah, let's evaluate my love....no..no! It's not love. It's the relationship that involves physical touch and integrated perspectif that keeps you both together. It's love.It's a boundary.
Finally, i have someone to share that concept. As what happened with my faith, it comes to my love scenes. As if in movies, this guy came along and turn my world upside down. We had our crazy times. Watch stupid movies over and over again, and promised to keep this bondary alive.
but, still ... when u're with someone, there always be the fears that you'll lose him/her. That fear is normal. You just feel so much happiness with them and don't want the happiness gone. I do really enjoy my togetherness with this guy. It's just....it's not that good to be TOO deep in something. Makes you feel like you're trapped in a sucking mud and you're just too lost in it.
We shouldn't focus in a single kind of happiness, diver them!
How long you haven't spent your time alone, just for yourself?In ur own room,reading your favourite book with a nice atmosphere and a head clean of all the stupid shit in your life?When was the last time?
You used to deal with go shopping alone for hours..but now, why we must deal with someone who doesn't even care why you bought those stuff?
The truth is, when we're stuck in our daily routinates, we'll lose the essence. We all have individual need. It's us, ourselves, who know and able to find it. Not anyone else. Not even your broker!
Our relationship has gone for almost a year. I love this guy but still...we both need our time alone. To search for our individual need. Forsake of our relationship. Because this happiness is too precious to be gone.
Well, thanks my guy! Being with you has taught me a lot about facing this world.
Xoxo
