The Arts of Arrogance

I found an interesting social phenomenon of people using social media for quick validation. It is a convenient platform. Likes, followers, views, and numbers of validations can be used as a form of validation. Just to quantitatively demonstrate how we are being loved by people.

In my opinion, humans have that "greed of validation." A satisfaction feeling to be praised, being dominant or good at something, being reliable, acknowledged, receiving acceptance, feeding humans egos.

"I am unique."

"I am worth it."

Actually, "Greed of Validation" sounds like a very bad thing, so I think we can use "The Need for Validation." It is just a self-manipulating process that is used by our mind to keep us motivated. When we have done hard work, we need to recover our energy, both physically and mentally. We need our efforts to be acknowledged, accepted, and praised. So then we feel like we are not wasting our time. Well, maybe it is just a natural behavior of humans as social beings.

But asking for validation from other people sounds like an act of arrogance. We were taught to be humble even before entering school. Being humble makes you a positive and friendly person. People love this attitude, but towards people other than themselves. I have had a couple experiences being praised. I am not comfortable with it yet. I don't know why specifically, but I think it's because it doesn't sound sincere. When we have an achievement, I am fine with "congratulation," but not with "you are the best person I know." 

So, how can I feed my ego without being a self-centered, annoying pick-me person? It took me to contemplation several times. I thought about it a lot in college, even until now.

If we are talking about exposing our achievements, the best way to "flex" and feed our egos is to be silent. Don't speak for your achievements; let them speak for you. "Action speaks louder." When we have achievements, awards, or ranks, people know. We need to think: Who are the people you want to know about your achievements? Best friends, family, HRD, but not "not that close friends." If you want to feed your ego, ask people who know you the most. So, a "flexing session" can be transformed into a "sharing session," and for HRD, you can show off with your CV. Don't show off to everyone, because it is annoying.

Additionally, to feed the ego, the need for validation is just a self-manipulating process. We can actually set the standard to run independently without involving other people. When we expect people to be proud of your arrogance stories, we actually manipulate ourselves to believe so. But then, why do we still need the people?

I have an alternative to bring straight validation to myself. It is like manipulating ourselves. So, when we have achievements, we don't need to expect other people to praise us. But we can praise ourselves (it sounds sad when I type that).

The real value of achievements is known the most by the achievers. Other people just know the results. So actually, there are no other people than ourselves who deserve to give praises. Words from other people are just desserts for ego. The main dish has to be cooked by ourselves.

I don't walk a lot. But I got a survey work that needs me to walk for 20 km for two days. Each day, my body tried to pull my mind down many times. During a few minutes of break, I always tried to boost my mentality.

"Bro, you never walk this much; how can you reach this stage? Maybe you can actually do this. Don't let your body push you down. It is a temporary pain. You have had enough energy all this time. If you never do it, it doesn't mean you can't do it." In the end, I managed to finish the walk.

When I think about it again, who can feed me that much validation? Family, best friends, or work colleagues? No. Even though I tell them in detail, they wouldn't know the pain, the sweat, the heat, the thirst, and the satisfaction I have been through.

What I found is that you can actually be the most arrogant person and, at the same time, the most accurate validation provider. I think this is the art of arrogance. An alternative to stay humble while carrying the biggest pride in ourselves.