I keep asking myself what is beautiful life? Is there a beautiful life? Is it about feeling, happy? Is it only smiling or showing happy face or laughing? Is it about fulfilling all life needed? It could be all of them or it could be one of them. Is that simple? Wiseman says it depends on you who want it. It depends on life which chooses it.
It is rainy outside. It is cold but calm and comfort. I like rain. Playing in rainy day, running here and there just like when I was a kid. I miss that time. When I see the rain I can throw away all my sad as falling rain. Sometimes my tears drop away as the rain falls. And slowly but sure, it becomes empty, light, save and sound. I really do not want to lose it. It is a beautiful moment to me. My thoughts fly away through places and times freely. I can roam through my thoughts far away. It is so exciting and comfortable my minds. Is it a beautiful life?!
I am sad. It is because I do not know something. Something is in life just like everybody has. Something is that I need to make my life goes by. I should know what it is but I should not in the otherwise. It is a kind of contradiction. It is such a bad condition in doing life. But it is. I try to find out in any other ways. And many times there is only clueless. Then I stuck in the poor clueless. I do not want to give up just like that. It is because I am a fighter at least I want to be one. There is not word give up in my life dictionary. I will struggle to the end of time. The ending is when I can not breathe anymore, when I can not wake my eyes up again. Be my enemies or be my friends are good to me, myself. Maybe I need both of them as clues of something I look for. Then I think I have got something different seeing, thinking, and facing day. Is it a beautiful life?!
Once I was so worried. I did not know what to do. There only confused about something I was not sure. A friend told me not to worry with his logic reasons. His effort to convince me was so valueable thing. He did it unintentionly. Some people think it was just a simple thing. But it was different when you were in that situation. It was hard to think objectively. It is not easy to decide. He came to accompany me to think and face it clearly. It was to solve the problem. Is it a beautiful life?!
Many people does not like fussy girl. But it is different when you are sick. I became so fussy when my friend is sick. But he was too. It is not only unuseful words about the sickness. Behind it there is message and suggestion connected to the sickness to make him well. And your friend hears and obeys “those unuseful words” or fussy thing. Parently those are right. Then your friend is better. It works. It makes me happy because I can make a change even just a little especially for my friend. Is it a beautiful life?!
Pinang, one rainy day des ‘10
