November 24, 2009 oleh edigyol
today is always my nice tuesday.
our daily uniform is white batik now also next friday. but i saw dwi wibowo wore a red tshirt coming to office with his beloved family and his two nice children.
it was our last meeting, tomorrow he will leave us to go working on board in basel,switzerland.
I had a quick chat about his effort to go on board ranging from his expenses, some 1500 euros, his moving agent in krapyak permai, his new ‘wanna be blackberry mobile’.
finally something inspirational is I suggested him to call suprix and my name whenever he will be working and living there for some 6 months. so in may or june he will come back to prambanan soon.
calling name with a man’s cosmic vibration to his friends to come to the promised land is my test case of possible probability.
bacause it is my 17 years obsession to go out from here but I always fail to do it, incluiding my stupidity to have lost some 500 euros 3 years ago when I was cheated by the deceitful man called juariyo.
I make my own karmic justification. It was my effort to pay all my karmic debts in this momentary life.
so my heart felt satisfied even I had lsot some 500 euros stolen and cheated by my own inner circle friend.
yes it was my unavoidable stupidity ever made. I dreamt to go to europe, even I have been speaking english for some 16 years but I have never touched and kissed how beautiful ENGLAND it would be.
so it is my ironical language with no solution to offer.
I can speak 6 european languages whith which I learnt it so hard, but I have never come to their land!
those are italy, spain, germany, the netherlands, french, and england.
indeed, life is full of paradoxal irony. how could be possible I can learn those languages even I HAVE NEVER BEEN THERE ?
I dunno. I don;t know I just follow my life’s acrobatic challenges. And after some 16 years of perseverant reflections I come to my own conclusion, We control our own life.
destiny in life? is destiny we imagine like a divine intervention trying to put an ‘ invisible hand’ to man’s complicated problems?
i don’t think so.
I have lost my faith as well as I had lost both my belovedi parents. Father died in 1997, mother died in 2003 just after my first daugher was born a few motnh later.
I used to pray ( a beggar to his master ; but why we ask it to God ? ). with my personal tricks of implicite-spiritual prayer, God if you are still there do not take my belovedi’s life, I still need her endless helping hands in this becoming-to-order chaos in life….
what hapenned to her?
there is no even a kilobite God who then makes his ‘divine intervention’ to cure my mother’s disease.
so my existential conclusion is some divine intervention really happen in the holy books but in this more-precious- than-holy book- life I have not yet find what is called by the abrahamic faiths the self-claimed divine intervention of non-realistic-to-daily-life evidences.
what a stupid humanity!
this is java my lands
why the hell …I think like some european freethinkers than to become a typically-submissive-to-life javanese?
or maybe
my precious existence ( reincarnation ) i used to be an european, maybe from Italy coz the name is turning to become Indonesia.
che bello. penso di si
si puo anche. ma a cosa seve quata anticchissima idea della reincarnazione per la nostra humanita?
you know I am tired in this life struggling by mysellf
I wanna to stay on the beach someday in italy…
It is not possible.
my salary as a 16 years old as a local guide in prambanan is just enough only for my daily food and my children’s education!
but I have a perseverant dreaam to go europe?
you still dream of obssesional pursue in this already-dead life!
sometimes I feel I have conquered my life
sometimes I feel life has conquered me
with my limited financial freedom.
my karmic soul can’t accept this financial defeat.
life is just an action-AND-reaction mechanistic multicomplexity of no beginning and no omega end.
if there is an end
it is just a speculation.
a metaphysical speculation of man’s mental projection.
oks
thanks for reading
a contemplative night here in java central, klaten
by edigyol@gmail.com
