Daydreamin

The sunlight forced its way into my eyes, I, who was still curled up in the blanket, tried to re-enter the subconscious while getting more comfortable. Interrupted by the silence, a whisper that tends to be loud disturbs my sleep, "Wake up and have breakfast quickly,". The voice succeed to wake me up and made me sit up with my eyes closed, but it didn't last long. Thanks to another whisper that works like a magic, my body back to lay down comfortably, hugging the bolster, "No need, holidays are the best days to spent time in bed!". That's right, this is the best way to spend the rest of the vacation that will soon be over. 

Just as I was about to plunge into the dream world, another whisper entered my ear. "Your week won't be complete without Mami Risa's green bean porridge for breakfast." I gasped in surprise, remembering my favorite breakfast menu -which unfortunately is only open on Sunday mornings- will surely sell out soon. How could I forget an important ritual on this beautiful day! Immediately I jumped out of bed and changed into proper clothes for me to walk out of the house. While wearing a denim jacket, I looked at the brown clock that was above the study table, "Is it already 7?" I half shouted. Without thinking twice, I quickly grabbed my wallet and ran out of the house towards the blue cart that always stopped in front of the Cindera Loka Housing.

drap, drap, drap

As a superhero with strict costume that my cousin loves to watching - his jargon "Flash, Flash is so fast!"- I ran as fast as lightning even the housing people who recognized me didn't even get to say hello. "Berlin ordered one portion, mam" I said out of breath. "Wow, it's looks like you're being chased by a ghost, Berlin." Mami Risa joked, "No need to rush, today's special, Mami makes twice as much porridge as usual." she continued while opening the lid of the iron barrel full of my treasures. "The smell is really appetizing! I'll order 2 servings then." My words were greeted by Mami Risa's motherly laughter.

Her hands are proficient in preparing the food she sells, so that buyers do not have to queue and wait long to get their orders, even though Mami Risa's cart is always surrounded by buyers of all ages. After paying, I walked leisurely while enjoying the view of the trees and flower plants on the way home. "If only every morning looked like this." I muttered while taking a deep breath. Surely many people agree that Sunday mornings are very different from other mornings, even though the weather isn't as chill as today, Sunday is still the most beautiful day of the week, but that's without annoying distractions, huh.

On the way, I saw a pair of butterflies flying side by side, dropping from one flower to another. How can I, as a lover of beautiful things I can't help but catch it. "Come on, catch it, look at the flapping of those beautiful wings. Catch it and take a closer look." I walked slowly closer to the butterfly so as not to run away. "Don't, if you catch it later the wings won't be pretty anymore. They are fragile insects." My intention of reaching out to grab the insect was extinguished. To suppress my desire, I started walking fast so that I could get home faster and not be distracted by other things that were passing around me. 

I breathed a sigh of relief when I got home, then immediately prepared all the equipment I needed for breakfast this morning. A meal is not complete without a spectacle. Therefore, I arranged bowls, spoons, and a full glass of water on the table in the tv room. Breakfast with my favorite menu on holidays accompanied by the cartoon show 'ChalkZone', its really is the right start to enjoy the holiday, this simple activity increases the level of happiness so that a my positive mood is carried through the day. After eating, I took my antipsychotic medication. It's medication for schizophrenia, which has become my regular meds for the past 2 years, then continued with my daily activities as usual.

___

If earlier what I discussed was Sunday as the most beautiful day of the week, this time, more precisely an hour before entering the most terrible day of all time for 17 years of my life, Monday. Yes, think I'm exaggerating. Maybe for most people Monday is a tiring day, however for me it's not just that. Mondays are terrible days -actually every weekdays- but especially Mondays are even more terrible for me. Why? In every Monday, my sports class will be combined into three classes, which means Maudy, a woman who is a school bully, also her 5 bestie who are no less evil, will bother me to her heart's content during this lesson.

Tic-toc, tic-toc

These trembling eyes kept staring at the clock whose long needles continued to spin without stopping, sweat as big as corn kernels dripped down my forehead. I hate this feeling. My room feels stuffy and stuffy, the view was dark. For ordinary people, maybe what you hear in this room is only the sound of clockwork and the rest is silence, different from me who is special.

"You're crazy!"

"A lousy and worthless human. Just die."

"Tomorrow Maudy will bully you again, have fun."

"Everyone hates you."

"Who wants to be friends with a crazy woman like you?"

"Keep on whining, no one would help you!"

"Just finish your life."

The clothes wet with sweat covering my shaking body. No matter how hard I try to cover my ears, it's useless. Because it will not lose any single voice as if it were coming from the many people inside of me. My tears flowed profusely, my trembling lips kept whispering the words 'don't', 'stop' and 'shut up'. 

My pale hands moved to open a small cupboard beside the bed, reaching for anti-depressants and sleeping pills that had been formulated by my regular psychiatrist. Really, this is my nightly routine before going to the prison that you call school.

___

As usual, I went to school with a friend, her name is Tara. I forgot since when we started being friends, what I remember is she came when the first time I heard a loud whisper and I'm pretty sure believing that she's not from the same place we live. Tara embraced my shoulders, "Take it easy, you don't need to be afraid of them. I am here!" she said, puffing out her chest proudly. I shook my head, unable to think. "Oh my, where were you when I was ostracized?" My cynic that invites laughter from Tara. I continued to communicate with Tara, ignoring the strange looks from people around.

Once arrived at school, with my heart beating wildly, I stepped into the classroom and headed for my seat. "Morning, Berlin.", I gave a stiff smile to Sarah, the class leader. "Yes, morning."

Kringg kringg

Not long ago I sat down, the school bell ringing, signaling that it was time to enter the first lesson. "I heard that today's exercise is learning gymnastic movements," Sarah said to my classmates, "Then this lesson will definitely boring." a boy answered in an unenthusiastic tone. Whatever the material, it seems I will still hate this subject. You still remember the reason, right?

Social 3A -my class-, Social 3B, and also Science 3D gathered together in the school's main soccer field. Today's lesson begins with group exercises. "As you have heard from your class leaders, today's lesson is warming-up and cooling-down in gymnastics. Everyone line up according to class and stretch your hands out, for the class leaders, come forward to be the guide for each class." Mr. Sugeng's words were followed by shouts of understanding from the students. 

Half an hour of class is well spent. I almost breathed a sigh of relief if Maudy didn't raise her voice in the middle of class. "Please change the gym guide, sir! We're bored!" shouted Maudy who was followed by applause from the students. Pak Sugeng agreed with the idea and allowed each class to choose one exercise guide. "3A CHOOSE BERLIN TO BE YOUR GYM GUIDE PLEASE!" Maudy's screams invited chaos. Instantly the class boys pushed me to go in front of the field, Mr. Sugeng, who saw it, looked indifferent -in fact, he also pulled me to come forward-. I can hear the laughter of the students from all over the field. Maudy and her close friends, even almost all the students in the field, kept on commenting on my gymnastic moves in front.

"Can you really move it or not!"

"Look at Berlin, like a robot."

"Absolutely ridiculous, hahaha."

"Berlin ugly movement!"

"It should have been like this all along to make class fun!"

No, I can't take it anymore. My body struggles to stop shaking. The scornful looks from everyone, their shout all humiliated me. I ran off the field to the bathroom. When I got there, the shout of the students still echoed, even now they were mixed together with all the whisper that arose in my head. The bathroom I went to at this time was getting darker and cramped. The more I endured, the voices grew louder. 

This is bad, without thinking I immediately ran to class and took special medicine for the time I had a relapse. Running like crazy with all the loud whispers in my head, it really is something! I grab my bottle of medicinal tablets and took a few pill, according to the recommended dosage. While waiting for the medicine to work, I continued to ignore the voices and make sure I was okay. Words like 'Berlin is a loser', 'you know that this isn't real' and 'everyone hates you' kept ringing out after half an hour.

All the kids entered to the classroom after my medicine started to work. Unconsciously, Sarah came to me, I flinched because of her soft pat on my shoulder. "Berlin, are you sick? Why did you suddenly leave the field?" she asked softly. I was too confused by her, how could I not? After all bad things happened earlier, how could she ask? 

Instead of answering Sarah's question, I glanced around the class. I looked more confuse, why are they all acting normal? Its like as if everything that happened to me on the field didn't exist and didn't mean anything. 

Sarah stared at my medicine bottle that was still on the table, noticed the sweat dripping down my forehead and my confused look around. As if she understood what was going on, Sarah immediately asked me to get a school permit and order me following her to a familiar building with a typical medicine smell.