She stands there and lets the tears flow
Tears that she's been holding back so long
She wonders where did all the loving go
The love they used to share when they were strong"
(All Woman: Lisa Stansfield)
I cut few lines from that song. I just hear it, and it touches me so much. I remember some cases I've ever heard about women that have been dumped by their men. But I also remember that I was one of them. It hurts me so much to remember it. That's why I'd like to write this, to make us recognize that almost every woman ever felt that. We're not the only one. But we can make our position better by taking our pride as a very important tool for living.
Sometimes I wonder why our position as women looks so inferior in front of any men. Probably they just forget that they were born by women. They forgot that women have taken them care for years. They supposed to respect any women they've ever known in their life. Because men were creatures God has ever created as partners of women. Men should take care of women by giving them life and needs, cover women in their arms and respect their position as mother and wife. Therefore they should not hurt women by dirty words or rude acts, try to take benefits from them, leave them as they were getting old.
As a mother, woman should be respected for their duty to give life by babies inside them, take care of the babies until they grow up, teach the babies to be good humans. As Rosanne Cash says, "[My] girls aren't something I created; I feel like I received the honor of being the vehicle for bringing these souls into the world...But I don't make mistake of thinking I own them". Sense of belonging makes a woman feel responsible to take care her kids well. But it's not all about the babies or kids. Women have another duty. Taking care, listening, understanding, serving and giving the best as they can to their husband. Even sometimes that duty is not accepted by honor. Men would think that it supposed to happen, as it is part of the commitment. What a stupid commitment if it doesn't happen in both sides.
Women is plural, woman is single. Woman in Chambers' dictionary is a word that goes to an adult human female. That definition is not important. Everybody has known that woman is an adult human female. I tried to create my own definition about woman, which refers to weakness for w, organizing for o, mystery for m, aesthetic for a, and needed for n. These are some of characteristics and duties that woman has, even probably there are other kinds that I couldn't state.
Weakness is one of characteristics a woman has. Lack of strength makes them look so weak instead of men. Even nowadays there are a lot of powerful women that can compete as well as men. But still the weakness they have couldn't be covered by their ability. Woman is woman; weakness is their original basic. While facing problems, a woman looks so weak to solve them. She chooses to cry and uses most of her heart and soul, less of rational thinking. Most women choose to tell somebody about their problems, rather than keep them in their hearts. Run away rather than stand still. Woman is so emotional. What woman needs from a man is to be listened and does not ask for suggestions. It shows the difference with any men, as men choose to keep and solve problems rationally. That makes guys more "easy going" than women.
Organizing is one of duties that a woman has. A woman must organize everything. Household needs a woman to take care of. As I stated before, that a woman has duties as mother and wife. But it's not enough. While a household needs financial help, woman should work and divide their times fairly beyond office hours or family hours. This may be a paradox for a career woman, who gets involved into works in office while taking care of family should be priority. However, a mother must be closer to their kids than a father. Mother will pay more attention to kids' needs, education and etc.
Mystery is the need for woman to survive. A woman is mystery for any men. A man will always explore what a woman has, and make sure that he has already got them all in his life. Thanks to my teacher who said this to me. I finally realize what a man thinks about me if I give everything beyond my control to a man. Related to my opinion that woman has an incredible weakness, a woman tends to give everything she has for the man she loves. But she doesn't realize that this kind of act is dangerous. Because while woman gives everything, she loses her mystery and she will not be well respected by that man. Man will feel satisfy for what he has got, so feeling of respect will disappear. A woman will think by giving what she has is a way to show affection. She will expect for a respect, but sometimes things don't happen as she expects. A woman will wonder if after all the things she's done what she gets is disrespect. If we wonder why "a falling in love guy" can leave a woman suddenly, I finally found the answer. The woman loses her mystery. So, what is mystery anyway? Mystery for a woman is unexplored things in her life. These unexplored things come from her pride. When a woman has pride, she will do as suppose to. She will show everything proportionally, and this will make men curious, as we know that men will try to know everything. This is what a man has been looking for. Curiosity is one of man's weaknesses, and as a woman we can use their weakness to make them on their knees. I don't hate man, I just hate their characteristics: curious, adventurous, always knows the way to make us fall. Woman will be viewed as a mystery as long as there is feeling of curious inside man's mind. Therefore, a woman should always be a mystery for men. Whenever it is.
Aesthetic is something pleasing in the eyes. A woman is masterpiece God has created. They came as a beautiful thing in this world. They deserve to be respected and to be given by adulation. If a beautiful woman passed through, probably people around her would look at her. Not only men, but also other women. That's natural, beauty a woman has is something good and attractive. But it's not enough to have outer beauty; a woman also should have inner beauty. The beauty inside sometimes is viewed more valuable, as physical look will disappear someday. Somebody with inner beauty tends to be more attractive, delighted and exciting. Feeling of get bored will forgettable as we remember her kindness. Inner beauty will fall down everything. That's why, aesthetic of a woman is not looked in the eyes but also in our mind.
Neededis an advantage woman has. Their existence is needed. In a family, they are needed as partner for husband, as teacher for the kids, as organizer for everything in the house, as financial supporting and etc. At work environment nowadays, woman is needed as their performance is getting better everyday. But the most important about woman's position is the dependence of quality of a generation on them. As bible states about this in Proverbs 22:6, NLT "Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it". While Wendy Jean Ruhl states "The art of mothering is handed down from one generation to the next". It makes me think that the way our mother took care of us will be implemented someday. We will copy their way raised us. And few next generations are result of our ways. The quality of human being depends on women. Good mother will give good kids, as the kids always copy what their parents do. So it is so important to be good mothers. It is not easy duty at all.
Based on that definition, I recognize that the existence of woman is needed. But sometimes I wonder there is feeling of disrespect by people to good women. People don't seem to be fair while looking at women's ability. There is still feeling of underestimation. People might think that I am subjective enough to make this judgment just because I am also a woman. But that's not true. I realize that sometimes few women don't act as they supposed to. Sometimes I feel so sorry to see women that don't want to fight in the name of their pride. They let themselves to be underestimated by feelings that they are lower than men, they need men so much, they trust men more than they trust them selves, and they just give everything for men. That's truly unnecessary; woman and man have been created to fill each other. What they should do is just accepting for any advantages and disadvantages, not trying to lower each other's position. The key for happiness will be opened while they both understand each other's feelings and try to respect one another.
Written in Jakarta: June 17 - 18, 2001
