“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” - William Shakespeare, ‘Measure for Measure’, (Act I, scene iv)
Who dares to challenge the words of wisdom by my old friend above? Not anybody sane, I would suspect. Those quotes, of course, would be most appropriate for the primary side of our lives, the reality. Nevertheless, I’d like to lead our discussion more to the other side, the imaginary, since I believe everybody has been set by own values on his reality side.
In catering the needs of the second side, people have always managed to develop the channeling media. Later on in our discussion, I will share you my inconvenient experience that had got me in an awkward situation owing to my indifference on using one of the media. But, you’ll need to be informed the background first before we can get to that.
Just like everybody else, I also have two sides of life that I have to elegantly play. Let me take you the primary part first, my reality life.
I always love to consider that I am quite lucky, at least luckier than some people I know, in living my formal life (I do not speak on the aspect of prosperity, that I think is ‘on the eyes of the beholder’), or at least I always try to make that kind of impression. Having a socially respected career (although the words ‘socially respected’ don’t always come in a linear line with ‘glory’, if you know what I mean, but then again that is on the eyes of the beholder) and being surrounded by amazing people should’ve been adequate for me to be grateful upon my life. And, "I am grateful" is indeed the line I keep telling myself. It may sound a little exaggerating, but I believe telling myself that I am grateful is exactly what I am supposed to do. It helps me to believe I have successfully played my role as a responsible person.
But, does that mean I think I am having a perfect life? The answer is 'no'. In fact, I don't think any body would think that way. And even in my middle 30’s like now, I still need a domain where I can pretend to be someone I’d love to be, do activities that I couldn’t do in my formal life, and convey my true passions. However, needing a 'get away' does not mean I don’t value my real life either. I value my life. Very much. In fact, I would do anything required - at all costs - to retain and make improvements on my current life. That kind of attitude makes me feel I am still entwined with the sanity. Reality and imaginary just don’t mix, and having a situation where I should play two different roles requires a full streamed commitment and tons of hard works, apparently.
On the other hand, every person is naturally furnished with the needs of living in a dreamland where everything goes exactly according to the way it is expected. The place where we can freely express the other side of our life aspect, can become a person that we think is more environmentally acceptable, and can channel our non-accommodated interests. This is closely related to the work of our right section of the brain. In most cases, everybody has his/her own way to facilitate these needs. And as in my case, one of the channels is the virtual world, particularly the internet.
Part 3: The contradiction
The irony lies when your dreamland is, as in my case, a radically different world to your formal life. Within this world I once became a person what I would like to be without violating the boundary of formal codes in my reality life. At least that was what I felt in the first time I started playing. In the beginning, I really enjoyed the situation, as initially I used the virtual world exclusively for friends from my past or complete strangers. My favorite part was being anonymous and unlabeled by any of the predicates, so that I could represent my truly self. If you happen to know me in person, you may find there was barely any information that can link the person I was trying to impersonate in my virtual world to the person in reality, nothing, not until the last few months when I became more open. After some time of enjoying my playground, there was a mishap. I let a fragment from my reality enter my dreamland. Then, the rest was happening so quickly. And, by the time I realized, I was in a very peculiar position. Just like opening a Pandora’s Box, there was no safe exit!
Everything was totally different then. I couldn’t do anything without having the people in my real life notified. Everybody knew who I was, since I was forced to be open under the circumstance. So much for the privacy! At that moment, I didn’t really have many options but to play along and made some major adjustments towards the situation. Further more, I couldn’t take any radical action such as declining my reality to enter. That would be blasphemously absurd!! After some time of transforming, my virtual world had gradually become a part of my reality. Now, the reality has taken over the largest portion of it. And, the story ends tragically for my playground.
Actually, it would not have been really jeopardizing the things that I have committed to if I have had determined on keeping the existence of my imaginary realm anyway. And, if I did, the outcome wouldn’t be as dramatic as it sounds. In fact, nothing might have happened, since my dreamland wasn’t anything against the law or social value. It was only a boy’s playground, where I could be someone anonymous, which needed to be left as it was. But, the whole point is merely the ethical question. In the line of my profession, i.e., ethics have come into the top of priority. We live by codes and ethics, after all, don’t we?
