My Big Pap

You were a small old man, but your spirit were bigger, as if your body couldn't keep up with it. I learned not much from you, but all of those are precious.

I remembered the moment when we, little children at that time, always came to you on Easter Day because you always bought us something. Soft drinks, candies, action figures, anything. For me, I preferred soft drink because I liked it. I didn't know anything about it, but my father told me that you did that because you loved children. Well, for me it was just that beverage can, nothing more.

I remembered the time when I laughed soundlessly, when you bowed to honor the altar every Sunday Mass. For me that was just weird, I didn't understand why did you do that, and that was funny.

I remembered that you had never have a wife. Your life was nothing more than the school, the church, and your small house.

I remember the time when you got a stroke, and I came to see your condition. You couldn't even move your legs, and to talk was a hard thing for you, but there you were, trying to sit when we came, and you talked with us although it consumed your energy.

Now that you have gone...

You teach me about love. Finally I knew the story. You have decided, which woman you're going to love, who deserved your love. Unfortunately, she didn't love you back. But your love was a great love. Although she didn't love you, but she's still the love of your life, you didn't turn your attention to another woman, you didn't even mind if she got married with somebody else, the thing that you loved her with all your heart was more than enough for you. For you, to love was enough, she didn't have to love you back. People said that you walked on a miserable path alone, with no child, no wife, no family, but I said firmly, that you had a lot bigger love, much bigger than any loves I've ever known.

People laughed at you, but it wasn't them who lived your life, it was you, yourself. No matter what people said about you, good or bad, you didn't give a shit. You just moved on, to walk on a life that you thought was a right life to live. You have taught me to live my own life no matter what they said. I was the one who laughed at you, but you still bought me that soft drink every Easter Day. What a great man you are. You loved them who against you, another great kind of love you have taught me. Thank you.

Believing in something with all you got was the other thing you have taught me. You believed in Jesus more than anything in this life, and you lived with that. You were a little bit conservative I supposed, but it wasn't the matter. You didn't need any proofs to love Him, you didn't need any books or words to love him, you just loved Him the way He was. Just like you love the woman. You believed in Him with all your heart, no matter what.

I saw a glimmer of happiness on your ill and old face when I told you that I am a teacher now. You were happy, because one of your children, I knew you've take me as your child, has become more like you. Yes, you were a teacher too. I came to you, and that was our last meeting. You said to me to love my students as much as I love myself. Seeing my students, I realize that it will be hard, so hard, but you, seeing happiness through your thin old face, I will try my best, I will love my students as much as I can, just like you did. I will take them as my own children, just like you did.

Thank you for the lesson about love. You'll always be in here, deep...Godspeed, Big Pap...