Tonight looks so bright, as bright as the hope that I continue to fight for the Ilahi Robbi. I am endlessly grateful for the blessings of faith, sincerity, and gifts to me. "Oh Allah thank you so much, thank you have guided me in goodness, you have grown my love for you deeper. Protect me from all evil that befalls me, protect me from all evil deeds. Bring my heart closer to Ali Muhammad Al-Hasan Ya Robb, allow us to build a household that is sakinah mawaddah warohmah. Amiin yarobbal alamin." This is my prayer on the third of my night.
While waiting for dawn I read Ali's notebook. I opened it from the first sheet that reads the title "My Heaven's Angel" I immediately trembled reading the title, I kept thinking whether I deserve to be side by side with him? Is it me that he hopes to be his future! Am I what he wants? Or was it someone else he had prepared! Oh Allah, I don't know everything! You are the one who knows. I continued to open the next page, the writing was very poetic, full of various kinds of the figure of speech. He describes how his life will be with a companion who always brings goodness to the household. A wife who is obedient to her husband, and always brings harmony to the household. Ali Muhammad Al-Hasan wanted a woman who was perfect in religion and goodness. That's more or less the content in his notebook which he will turn into a novel. I never stop thinking about stepping back from the struggle that I have fought for you, Oh Robb. I am Alfiyandreena Azma, I am not a perfect woman, nor am I the woman described by Ali in his book, I am far from perfect, Oh Allah. Will I stop chanting his name in a third of my night!
The sky was clear, the sun was shining so beautifully. But this cold air is so piercing my heart to freeze. I went to campus with a sad hope, and a restless heart as if I wanted to leave this city. I don't want to see him, I don't even want to see him. Because this morning I heard the news that the man I wanted was going to leave my single life, he was Ali Muhammad Al-Hasan. He will soon marry the woman he describes in the notebook. What can I do? My hope is gone, and my enthusiasm for learning is broken. Oh my God, this is so painful! I was injured but not bleeding. I asked pak Udin not to continue the journey to campus, I wanted to go to the mosque. I want to cry and complain to my Allah. And I asked pak Udin to come back home, I didn't want to bother him when I was in this condition.
"Pak Udin, can I go home now?" I said with tears in my eyes.
"But neng, pak Udin just wants to be here to accompany you," answered with compassion.
"No, pak Udin, I want to be alone." Stiff firmly.
"But neng... the madam will ask me! Because I have to make a report every day to neng Alfi's parents," Pak Udin pleaded.
"Pak Udin, just this once, I want to be alone," I pleaded.
"Fine neng, but promise to pak Udin, if you need anything, call me!" pak Udin confirmed.
"Okay pak Udin I understand clearly, thank you," and I rushed to the mosque.
Then pak Udin left. I have parents who are very busy with their work. They have been living in Turkey for almost five months because of job demands. Before my parents left, I was invited there. But hindered by my college which will soon be finished. I love my parents, I miss their presence. But I know the situation, they are really busy. But here I am happy because I am surrounded by people who love me. There is Bi Ira, there is Pak Udin, and my best friends, they are all like my family. I love them.
