I had this interesting conversation with my colleagues several days ago when i stated my interest to buy a house. They asked, "What for? You should spend it for your holiday instead! It is not something that you need that soon. It's a long term commitment." In another side of the life window, most men at my age are struggling to start buying their home by credits.
I asked lots of question to myself too, when I have this impulsive feeling of buying a home. Can i really afford this long term investment? Is it the right location? How should i fund other fun things in life? - When you read this, do you realised that i really asked about the practicality of any person who is about to buy a house?
My friends start with the same question too, but they get deeper: "You should not worry about getting a house yet. It should not be in your priority. Â Buying a home is the responsibility of the guy. Or do you want to prepare the house for your guy?". It strokes my mind and heart. But don't get into sexism comment too soon. Why? Because it is a culture that is embedded in our live for years. My friends and colleagues do not say this to degrade and make separation between the role of women and men. They are saying what is real in love-life relationship. Really, let's not try to get offended yet (I am trying too, believe me). Let's have more conversation about the living fact.
The breadwinner and the manager of the bread
I went to my What'sApp group immediately to ask my hangout groups consisting of male and female to raise this issue. I asked them, if guy would see a girl that already has a house as less attractive, feeling less like a man because it suppose to be their share of responsibility, or simply; if this would emasculate the manhood in some of the guy?
I restated what my colleagues told me; that preparing a home has been a part of the man gene, that they want to be the provider in the family. Not that he would see the woman as less than him, but the feeling of providing and protecting has been a part of their mindset - of what makes him proud and lead into making a more peaceful home. A woman, on the other hand, is like the manager of the 'bread'. She could certainly work and chase her dream, as my colleagues admitted, but the husband would prefer himself to be the breadwinner and the person who make big decision.
I know you want to start to flip your tables, my feminist fellas. Until today, many of women admits that they pretend to be stupid and nagging just to make the man more comfortable. And many of men also admit that women are far more clever and strategist.
An act of love (?)
My heart plunged into a bit of sadness when hearing this fact. I remember that being independent was once the reason of how my previous relationship ended. But as I think about it, I became more understanding of the 'many layers' of this issue.
The separation of men and women's role started ages ago and this embedded culturally. Many of the modern men today, agrees to the idea of having a more equal role. But in some extend they still couldn't help their instinct of being the provider and protector - the hunter. The ability of providing makes them feel great and capable, thus boosting their confidence and when they are comfortable of themselves in taking care of the one they love, they can love better.
Many independent woman too, still enjoy the role of being provided. We and our friends would still be giggling when telling a story about our partner propose to us with a pretty little diamond, pay for a romantic dinner and other 'gentleman' behavior. The idea of splitting bills all the time and the man wanting to be a permanent house-husband sound a bit funny. Well, that's my perception.
Getting back to the buying house issue. I could see that men wanting to be 'bigger' than women as an act of love, that they know from growing up in certain culture. In this stage, i feel a little bit sorry for the men that they have so much burden on their shoulders. And to us, not buying a house can also be categorized as way of making our male partner more comfortable of being who they are.Â
Conflicting feelings
Don't throw me with stones yet. I have already threw some stones already into my face before saying it. But if this would make my good partner feeling less emasculated and could be more loving, i would be willing to postpone getting a house until we get the best positive vibes of sharing the economic burden. My colleagues told me that actually life makes it easier for women to enjoy the things in life. But well, postponing something to make someone else feeling better of themselves is not an easy task to do.
I wonder when we can completely reach the era  when men and women can be freed from any prejudice and social stigma? I can hear some people would say that I should find someone who will accept us for who we are, not less. Well i say, isn't it too narcissistic? I might be too strong on this, but I come into a stage where I dont have that much of optimism of having a movie-like ending. Life is a form of compromising and full of options. And this piece is just another way of looking into an issue.
So am i getting a house? Maybe yes, maybe no.
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