Listening to Your Body and Soul

Recently, I came back to Indonesia for attending Trade Expo Indonesia 2019 that was held on 16 to 20 October 2019. On 13 October, I flew from Dar es Salaam to Jakarta. I went early due to arrange the arrival of delegations from East Africa. I arrived on October 14, 2019. We stayed in a hotel for one night, and got ready for the next day to accompany some delegations from Tanzania, Burundi and Comoros Union, to attend the opening of the TEI, and also business matching with some producers that participated in the event. For almost a full day, I was dealing with people and their requests. Finally, the time was showing 5.30 PM. It was time to go back to the hotel, with a bus provided by the committee.

Arriving at the hotel, I immersed myself in a bathtub for a moment. Afterwards, I had dinner. I tried to take a rest for 15 minutes. I laid on the bed. I felt something different with my heartbeat. It was not normal, I could feel it. This thing has been happening since 12 years ago, but I never told anyone about it. Usually, it will go after sometime, but that night it was different, I could feel my heart beating irregularly for about an hour. I was scared, panicked and jittery. I could not breathe properly. I felt my gastric acid come up to upper part of my organs.

Fortunately, my parents were with me. I told them, if there is something wrong with my heart beat. Then we decided to go to the cardiac center directly. Thank God, the hospital not far from the hotel that I stayed in. I anxiously entered the emergency room. I saw the General practitioner and some nurses scurrying around like men on a mission. They fastidiously assisted to check my vital signs. They meticulously put the cold gel and medical equipment on my chest. I was less panicked but still stressed out. While they were checking my condition, I talked to them about my health historical. I told them that I have GERD (Gastro esophageal Reflux Disease) and anxiety. Ultimately, the doctor gave me intravenous injection, to reduce gastric acid that blazing inside. After medical intervention, we still could see from the monitor that my heartbeat was still not beating regularly, but I felt much better. I was panicking less.

Medical staff came out to encounter with my parents. I was eavesdropping on their conversation from the distance. They said if they cannot determine the diagnosis at that time. There are many factors that were triggering my heart beating irregularly. They need to do some tests to make it sure. On the other hand, they identified this symptom as arrhythmia. I was shocked. . I was not hospitalized. The doctor allowed me to go home and suggested me to do some heart tests. They gave me some medicine to cure my Gerd and enzyme supplement to improve metabolism. I went back home with a heavy burden, but my parents kept encouraging me and told me that I am fine.

The week after emergency things, we went back to the cardiac center to do some tests; blood test, thyroid test, echocardiography and treadmill. Frankly speaking, we did all of those procedures. I went to the lab room for doing the blood test including thyroid check up. I met the phlebotomist. I was seated on a white chair and enjoyed the distinctive smell of hospital. The smell of disinfectants and pharmaceuticals was the most predominant. She tied a rubber band around my arm. She saw a vein and cleaned the area. She inserted the needle. I felt a small prick. She had drawn enough blood; she took the needle out and put an adhesive bandage over the site. She asked to press firmly on the site of my arm to prevent any bleeding. First procedures were done. I had to wait for the result for a few hours.

We headed to another room to do the echocardiography. I watched the doctor and the nurse working together doing something on my chest. They spread a gel on a device then she pressed the transducer firmly against my skin. The transducer recorded the sound wave echoes from my heart. A computer converted the echoes into animated images on a monitor. The doctor attentively looked at the monitor and told me that my heart is in good condition. I felt relieved. The last one was the treadmill exercise. Before I began exercising, I was hooked up to the EKG machine. Several sticky pads were attached to my skin under. The doctor and the nurse checked my heart rate and breathing before I began exercising. I started off by walking slowly on the treadmill. The speed and grade of the treadmill increased as the test progressed. It was so tiring. The doctor was satisfied with my results; I was able to stop exercising. My heart rate and breathing continued to be monitored for a short while afterward. All of the procedures have been executed. The doctor asked me to meet him in his office. He brought all the results of tests, including the blood and thyroid tests. He explained them to me one by one. He did not find something wrong with my heart. He prescribed me some medicine for my stomach (GERD) and my heart when arrhythmias come suddenly. Based on those results and my heart health history, he referred me to a psychiatrist from a different hospital.

A few days after I went to the cardiac centre and did some test, I decided to make an appointment to meet with the psychiatrist. The time has come. Finally, I met him. I was having weird feeling due to my first experience visiting a psychiatrist. Since one of the biggest challenges in Indonesia is the public lack of awareness on mental health. Many of us have a tendency to mock or even bully people who express their frustrations and ask for professional help like the one offered by a psychiatrist or a psychologist. Many of them will label us as a weak person or simply lebay (overreacting), as consequences it is an exacerbating situation. So I registered myself to the nurse station in order to obtain my queue number. The nurse asked me to fill out a form. Afterwards, she asked me to go upstairs to wait in line in front of door number 322. I observed the surroundings and I saw every patient in line, waiting for consultation with the same psychiatrist as me. From the physical and facial expressions, they all look fine. From there, I conclude do not judge people by its cover. We never know every tear, struggle, weaknesses each individual. I was patiently waiting until my name was called. I knocked the door. The psychiatrist welcomed me warmly. We talked about various things, starting from my childhood life until adulthood. He asked about my biggest fear, things that make me feel stressful, my worries and bullying. We also discussed about the history of my health and the results of tests that I did at the cardiac center. The length of the conversation was approximately 1 hour. All seemed open and peaceful. At the end of our conversation, he elaborated my circumstances and connected the dots. He told me that there are chemicals and autonomic nerves in our brain and body. The chemical is related to the hormones that are produced in our body. That nerves thing connects to the heart, the digestive system and the skin. So if there is a chemical imbalance, it will affect the autonomic nerves and lead to disruption of the heart rate and digestion and causes psoriasis on the skin.

What is the trigger? In my case, it is the prolonged stress that is not handled properly, causing stress hormones or Cortisol in the brain to be produced in big quantity leading to an imbalance in the brain. Other hormones such as melatonin, endorphins and serotonin which should be produced but are inhibited because it is dominated by stress hormones. All of my questions have been answered after I listened to his explanation. Especially the question regarding irregular heartbeat, heartburn and sleep patterns. The doctor gave me a prescription for treatment. He informed me about the right stress coping methods and asked me to rest whenever my body needs it. Now I am in the treatment period and I feel much better after taking the medicine for about three weeks.

Mental health awareness is a major factor for creating an open, positive and healthy environment that can save many lives. Imagine if talking about mental health was as common as talking about our physical health or diet, even shopping: people would speak openly about their personal battles. Whether it's about the latest treatment or how mental health affects your life or the life of someone you love, sharing our experiences can only empower us and others. Love one another and have empathy for others.