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Ahimsa Murfi
Ahimsa Murfi Mohon Tunggu... Dosen - dosen/Politeknik Negeri Malang

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"Breaking Up with My Own Mother is Without Fail"

9 Juni 2018   08:24 Diperbarui: 9 Juni 2018   08:55 467
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Kompasiana adalah platform blog. Konten ini menjadi tanggung jawab bloger dan tidak mewakili pandangan redaksi Kompas.

For more than a year now I have been telling myself that I deserve love without sacrificing my self-worth. I should never beg for love. I should never ask someone to stay, because whoever loves me would never allow me to do that.

I had been living in a hope that I always deserve love, and all I need is to get rid of those who treat me less than I deserve. Until one day, I argued with my mom, only just because I told her what I felt and what I wanted. I told my story, and she interrupted, only to put the blame on me. I was upset and annoyed, and I told her that I wanted her to really listen and respect me. "You are coercing.", she replied and turned her back away from me and walked.

The way she shouted at me on that day made me questioned my self-worth. I was perplexed, and I asked myself, "Am I wrong all this time?" I have been tired with these kind of questions. I asked the similar questions a thousand times, and still, does she want me to ask it for more million times? I repeated myself that those who really love me will never ever play with my mind, not even my own mother. That was how she broke my heart in pieces. I broke up with my own mother.

She still treats me with no respect. She also doesn't give me what I deserve as someone she claimed as her loved one. She doesn't invest her time in me. My mother also doesn't have faith in me as her only daughter. But I have broken up with her anyway, hence I don't have any reasons to react to the way she treats me. She can give me more million reasons to have no self-respect, to be vocal for what I deserve, but I will never stop being a woman who stands for herself with dignity.

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