Self Love and Self Heal

I know it's perfectly Hard to loving your own. Too fat, too thin, too tall, to short, too much pimples, too oily face. Too much to think about. I don't know how it's started, but my sister started to called me "Monkey", because my skin is hairy. 

My mom called me the "white monkey" because I have a lighten hairy skin. She said I'm like "Hanooman", the Monkey God Man in the story of Ramayana. So declare myself as the legacy of the Hanooman himself. I'm the Goddes I said, then I started to make a monkey noise. They laughed.

My loved one called me weird and fat. He always courious about me I don't know why. I am weird in every single way. My voice is weird because I can imitate a character's voices, or makin' sounds like a child, a cat, and a dog. He said I'm weird because my mind. He wanted to know inside my head. "Maybe you should open my head." I said. He called me fat all the time.

I don't care because he's thin as fuck. But he has the most beautiful eyes I ever seen---okay skip that. I have a chubby cheeks and a broken teeth because I hit the bottom of the pool when I was highschool. 

I needed to patched my teeth. I also have so much scars in my body. The largest one is in my hand, I used to hit by bike when I was seven years old, and I have a skin condition called 'Keloid'.

The scar will never gone. I have a big butt and a fucking big legs. He said my legs are so big, unlike him who had a long smooth legs like a model (...sorry Darling). I have a belly fat like the most girl have. 

He used to troking my belly like I'm a pregnant woman ( you are weird Darling). I also have a dark circle under my eyes, because of my insomnia. I've been insomnia since I was junior highschool.

Now to the personality, my loved said that I'm the chronical ambivert. I am an unsociable human who really hard to deal with a new guy. But cannot keep even one secret if I'm comfortable with a person. 

I hate society, I hate new guy, I hate new place, I used to cried, I'm so vulnerable sometimes, I'm lazy and too much complain sometimes. Just sometimes. I'm absolutely brilliant, smart, beautiful, diligent, have good personality, easy going, humble, also sweet as fuck sometimes. See, it all just sometimes.

The most thing that I greatful is no matter how fat I am, how hairy I am, how bad my personality, there's still someone who loved me. They loved me. So many people who loves us. 

If they're not, the only thing that you can hold on is yourself. Don't let them take the love for yourself. You only have that inch, and do not ever lose that inch. You lost it, you lost yourself.