Good Days

Rain poured on saturday night. Gives a romantic vibes to adolescent. But Ken, does not have a date night like young couples out there. Instead, he only watches make-up reviews on the internet. Does he want to learn make up? Or does he already good at it? Neither of those things. Ken just wants to eat while accompanied by his favorite show. And the world of make-up, nail art models, gossip of artists, has become a daily spectacle for him.

"What are you watching, Ken?" In a split second, Ken immediately closed his laptop. "No, just a regular movie." Once again, his heart nearly burst. Ken is the first child of two siblings, with parents who highly uphold Islamic values. "When you're done eating, please take Sena to the mall, OK?" Umi's command. "What for?" "She need to buy painting tools for school tomorrow," "Okay, Mi." Ken nodded. Sena, who already knew her brother's hobby, when Ken put on lipstick, she did not say anything. Because to be honest, she did not care either.

"Ken!" Its not the mall, if you do not meet someone you know. Ken looked up, and it was Jessie who had called him. Jessie was his high school friend, they close enough, and Ken thinks Jessie has the same vibes as him. Ken likes to ask questions about make up, and Jessie is a role model for Ken. With a proportional body, good hair, and makeup that is always on point, Ken secretly learns it all at home. "Hi Jess! Who are you with?" Ken asked. "Alone, I'm hunting for make up." Wow, what a great temptation for Ken. He really wanted to go to see makeup with Jessie, because he had not done that in a long time. And then, he looked at Sena. Sena, who heard her brother and Jessie's conversation, already knew that Ken would choose that, rather than accompany her to look for painting equipment. Sena rolled her eyes and walked away. "Come on, I'll accompany you, Jess."

At the make up shop, while laughing and telling stories. Jessie showed her handphone, showing the face of the man Ken has liked for 4 years. His name is Virzha. Ken's middle school friend who he thinks is very attractive. During that time, Ken could only love him in silence, unable to do anything. Ken just smiled at Virzha's picture, and Jessie patted him on the shoulder. "Just come out Ken, instead of lying to yourself." How can Ken come out as himself? Who likes make up and men? With Umi, Abi, and her Muslim family? Impossible. But on the other hand, Ken could not stand it anymore. "I do not dare, Jess. I'm afraid that my Umi and Abi will know that their eldest son is gay. They're going to get sick." Jessie felt the sadness radiate from Ken's voice. "Your parents will definitely understand Ken. They love you, I'm sure they just need time."

While in the school toilet. Ken was daydreaming, because he thought so much about Jessie's words, until he was reprimanded by Kina. "Ken! What are you thinking? Until you get lost like that, while in the bathroom!" "Oh God, you surprised me! Huh." Kina is a good friend for Ken. Beautiful, smart, and religious. 

After that, Kina asked Ken for midday prayers, but Ken refused, his reasoned that he wanted to do his assignment. Kina reminded Ken about the obligation to pray, especially since Ken will become the head of the family in the future. Hearing this, Ken replied "I just want to be a member of the family, Kin." With a look of confusion, Kina asked "What do you mean?" Ken thought, maybe he could tell Kina, because it was impossible for Kina to spread the story. "I can not seem to be the head of the family, Kin. Because I also like the 'head of the family'" "Wait? Are you saying that you're gay?" Ken nodded and left. Leaving Kina with her feeling of shock.

There was a part of him that did not want any of this. Sometimes Ken wonders why God gave him this kind of destiny? Why he does not normal like his male friends, who prefers football than make up, and who likes women not men. The more he thought, his chest and mind was raging. Ken was not calm. He wants to be himself, but he also does not have enough courage to talk to his parents. Will the bad thoughts that he has been thinking, will come true? Or will everything be okay after Ken talks to Umi and Abi? Or should Ken have worked up the courage to be seen by his friends?

Friday is Ken's favorite day, because he feels calm and peaceful on that day. Although he did not carry out his obligations, Friday prayers. 

When it was time for the boys to Friday prayers at the school mosque, Ken went to the cafeteria to buy food, then sat under the laboratory table. Fun with the food while watching James Charles, suddenly, "Hey!" All the food that he was holding, fell. Turns out it was Kina, who caught Ken. "Kin, what are you doing?!" Ken snapped. "Me? Its you! What are you doing in here? Rather of Friday prayers, you're eating instead!" "It's none of your business and it's up to me." Begin Kina's lecture, which was like humming in Ken's ears, because Ken was just nodded and take it. Did not felt 20 minutes was passed, which means, the prayer lecture delivered by Kina has finished. They were silent. Get lost in each other's thoughts. Tick tock. Tick tock. Only the sound of the ticking clock accompanied the silence in the room. At a time like this, Ken only thought about what Jessie had said at the Mall that afternoon. According to him, Jessie had a point too. How long will Ken have to pretend to be someone else? How long will Ken not to be able to enjoy his life to the fullest?

"Kin, Why am I should be gay?" Kina looked up, greeted by a sad look on Ken's face. Kina did not immediately answer Ken's words. She was silent for a moment, thinking. "Maybe, there is a meaning behind all of this, Ken. Allah is Most Good, Most Merciful, Most Everything. He will surely help you, so draw closer to Allah, Ken. God willing, all your feelings of anxiety will be treated." "I know you do not want to be in this position neither. But you can avoid things that make you fall even more. You can stop liking Virzha. You have to remind yourself often that it is wrong. Because, being gay is a big mistake. Humans are created in pairs. You can go to a psychologist, Ken." According to Ken, there was something wrong with Kina's words. Ken knows that being gay is wrong, and he does not want to be in this position. But why can not Kina understand him? Why did Kina even tell Ken not to like Virzha? Ken also can not control who he wants to fall for? Also, is it gay, a disease? Ken had not felt any pain all this time. He just felt different. "You think I'm sick, Kin? Why are you saying it is like cornering me, huh? I just want to vent my worries. But that does not mean you can judge me that way. I do not accept it, Kim." Kina was trying to explain her words. "Ken, I do not mean to judge you badly. But I'm just reminding you. Moreover, we are fellow Muslims. It's the right thing to remind each other, Ken. I'm saying this because I care about you." Ken, who was already annoyed, finally left and ignored Kina's last words.

When Ken got home. Jessie was already in the living room, waiting for him. Ken was surprised, what did Jessie want? It turns out that Jessie did not go to school today. And because of that, he asked Ken to hangout.

But when Umi asked for help, to bring groceries from the car into the house. Ken refused. "Why did not Umi see Ken's position? Ken wants to go with Jessie, Mi. You can ask Sena for help, right?" Her mother immediately became silent. He never thought that Ken would behave like that. So far, Ken has been an obedient and understanding child, always willing to help, even under any circumstances. Sad, but not shown by Umi. Because Ken had already left with Jessie.

While on the way, Jessie asked, "Why are you like that, to your Umi?" Ken, with a tired look on his face, replied, "I'm tired Jess, I have got a lot thing on my mind. I'm tired of being told with my Umi. Meanwhile, there is my sister who does not do anything, but I always to be the right hand." "Oh my gosh, no wonder you rebelled. Do not go on and on Ken, it's okay to get angry once in a while." Jessie said. According to him, Jessie is one of the best friends who can understand him.

They arrived at the night club. At first  Ken was hesitant to go in. But because Jessie comforted and persuade him, Ken finally set foot in the club. The sparkling lights and cigarette smoke that filled the room made Ken's head hurt. "Here, let you relax." "No, Jess, thank you." Reject Ken gently. "So that you forget about your problems, and you do not get tense, life must be enjoyed, Ken." Oh well, thought Ken. It did not feel like he had drunk two bottles of alcohol.

Apparently there is Virzha. He was dancing on the dance floor. Jessie, who did not want to waste the moment, immediately pulled Ken to dance with Virzha. Time passed, and Ken, who was drunk, finally kissed Virzha, saying that he had liked him for 4 years. Dozens of cameras took pictures of that moment, including Jessie. Virzha, who was surprised, immediately pushed Ken's body. "Shit! What are you doing, Ken!" Not long after, Jessie immediately pulled Ken's body, and set him outside. Because she was afraid things would get more chaos.

At two o'clock in the morning, when he got home, Umi and Abi immediately opened the door for Ken. They faithfully waited for Ken in the living room. His handphone was dead, making him unable to be contacted by Umi. While apologizing, Jessie explained everything to Abi. He said that Ken himself wanted to taste alcohol. And Abi, believe Jessie's words. 

Saturday morning. Ken's waking up, felt so dizzy. Abi and Umi were already sitting in front of Ken's bed. Ready to ask for an explanation. Ken explained that it was all mistake, he never wanted to drink. He was invited by Jessie. But, from what Abi said, was the opposite. That Jessie said, Ken was the one who wanted to try the drink. Ken immediately burst into tears, his emotions welling up. He did not think that the friend he trusted all this time, the friend he considered as bestfriend, was a traitor. Chaos was unavoidable in Ken's room that morning.

But the climax is, when Abi shows a video. Which he got from one of Ken's friends. The video that showing Ken kissing a man. Abi immediately slapped Ken. Abi berates Ken. If Umi was not there, Ken would probably have been battered and bruised. Umi, who was sobbing, kept calming Abi, who was also crying. Ken's clothes and bag were taken. Abi dragged Ken out, and said, "Do not come back, until you repent, ask God's forgiveness, and change yourself."

This was the lowest point in Ken's life. When all his fears come true. When all things fall to pieces. Including himself. Ken did not know where to go, he had no destination, he had no friends. Ken was already thinking that tonight, he was sleeping in front of the shop or the Mosque. Until, an incoming call from Kina. With all the hot news going on, Kina is worried for Ken. "Hello? ken? Are you all right?" Ken's sobs broke down immediately. He expressed all his feelings. "Please Kin. Help me."

Ken sat on the porch of Kina's house, sipping hot chocolate. Thinking that life turns out to be this tough. Kina, who came with fried rice, stroked Ken's shoulder, telling him to eat. "Thank you very much Kin, if you were not there, I do not know what would have happened to me." "Eat first. If you are getting better , and you want to tell me. I'm right here, Ken." Ken gave a warm, sincere smile to Kina.

When Ken felt that he was ready to tell what happened this morning. He spilled everything to Kina. He was sorry, with everything that happened. "I never thought something like this would happen, Kin. I do not know what happen next. I do not know what to do." Ken only thought of his Umi. The person he loves the most. The person he wanted to please the most. "That Friday, I should have listened to what you said. I should be able to get closer to God. I should be able to get rid of my ego, which actually plunged me into this black hole. I want to repent, Kin. Please help me." Ken added. She did not notice that the tears were already flowing down her cheeks. He hugged Ken, who was also crying. "Tomorrow, we go to the psychologist, okay? I have good acquaintances." "OK." Ken replied with a calmer feeling. "But now, let's take ablution first. Asr prayer."

In his prayers, Ken complained to Allah. He begged, apologized, and asked for forgiveness for what he had done. Also, he asked for help, for himself to get back on the right path. 

The next day, in a blue painted room. Ken sat across from Psychologist Michelle. Tells all the things that happened recently in his life. Crying, asking for advice, begging for help. It hurts so bad to feel all of this.

Imperceptibly, after the two-hour session, Ken's heart was much calmer. The feeling is much better. Thanks to Kina, for bringing him to this place. Ken now knew what he had to do. With his savings, he started looking for a boarding house, for a temporary place to live. He wants to fix himself. He wants to seriously draw closer to God. He wants to start praying five times a day. Until the time comes, he can return to Umi, Abi, and Sena.

Two weeks passed. The dozens of sessions he had spent with the Psychologist, the hundreds of hours he had used to recite the Koran and pray, it seemed that he had improved quite a bit. Although not fully recovered. But he was quite ready to return to Umi and Abi. Also, if they still do not want to accept Ken, that's okay. After Friday prayers. Ken knocked the door and saying Salam. "Assalamualaikum." Not long after, the door opened, "Waalaikumsalam." Umi and Abi's faces immediately greeted him.

Days passed. Allah, who is the Turner of human hearts, did that to Umi and Abi. Ken's arrival was welcomed by them. Ken was hugged tightly while crying on Umi's shoulder. And when he looked up, there was Sena watching his return, smiling with happy tears.