Rain poured on saturday night. Gives a romantic vibes to adolescent. But Ken, does not have a date night like young couples out there. Instead, he only watches make-up reviews on the internet. Does he want to learn make up? Or does he already good at it? Neither of those things. Ken just wants to eat while accompanied by his favorite show. And the world of make-up, nail art models, gossip of artists, has become a daily spectacle for him.
"What are you watching, Ken?" In a split second, Ken immediately closed his laptop. "No, just a regular movie." Once again, his heart nearly burst. Ken is the first child of two siblings, with parents who highly uphold Islamic values. "When you're done eating, please take Sena to the mall, OK?" Umi's command. "What for?" "She need to buy painting tools for school tomorrow," "Okay, Mi." Ken nodded. Sena, who already knew her brother's hobby, when Ken put on lipstick, she did not say anything. Because to be honest, she did not care either.
"Ken!" Its not the mall, if you do not meet someone you know. Ken looked up, and it was Jessie who had called him. Jessie was his high school friend, they close enough, and Ken thinks Jessie has the same vibes as him. Ken likes to ask questions about make up, and Jessie is a role model for Ken. With a proportional body, good hair, and makeup that is always on point, Ken secretly learns it all at home. "Hi Jess! Who are you with?" Ken asked. "Alone, I'm hunting for make up." Wow, what a great temptation for Ken. He really wanted to go to see makeup with Jessie, because he had not done that in a long time. And then, he looked at Sena. Sena, who heard her brother and Jessie's conversation, already knew that Ken would choose that, rather than accompany her to look for painting equipment. Sena rolled her eyes and walked away. "Come on, I'll accompany you, Jess."
At the make up shop, while laughing and telling stories. Jessie showed her handphone, showing the face of the man Ken has liked for 4 years. His name is Virzha. Ken's middle school friend who he thinks is very attractive. During that time, Ken could only love him in silence, unable to do anything. Ken just smiled at Virzha's picture, and Jessie patted him on the shoulder. "Just come out Ken, instead of lying to yourself." How can Ken come out as himself? Who likes make up and men? With Umi, Abi, and her Muslim family? Impossible. But on the other hand, Ken could not stand it anymore. "I do not dare, Jess. I'm afraid that my Umi and Abi will know that their eldest son is gay. They're going to get sick." Jessie felt the sadness radiate from Ken's voice. "Your parents will definitely understand Ken. They love you, I'm sure they just need time."
While in the school toilet. Ken was daydreaming, because he thought so much about Jessie's words, until he was reprimanded by Kina. "Ken! What are you thinking? Until you get lost like that, while in the bathroom!" "Oh God, you surprised me! Huh." Kina is a good friend for Ken. Beautiful, smart, and religious.Â
After that, Kina asked Ken for midday prayers, but Ken refused, his reasoned that he wanted to do his assignment. Kina reminded Ken about the obligation to pray, especially since Ken will become the head of the family in the future. Hearing this, Ken replied "I just want to be a member of the family, Kin." With a look of confusion, Kina asked "What do you mean?" Ken thought, maybe he could tell Kina, because it was impossible for Kina to spread the story. "I can not seem to be the head of the family, Kin. Because I also like the 'head of the family'" "Wait? Are you saying that you're gay?" Ken nodded and left. Leaving Kina with her feeling of shock.
There was a part of him that did not want any of this. Sometimes Ken wonders why God gave him this kind of destiny? Why he does not normal like his male friends, who prefers football than make up, and who likes women not men. The more he thought, his chest and mind was raging. Ken was not calm. He wants to be himself, but he also does not have enough courage to talk to his parents. Will the bad thoughts that he has been thinking, will come true? Or will everything be okay after Ken talks to Umi and Abi? Or should Ken have worked up the courage to be seen by his friends?
Friday is Ken's favorite day, because he feels calm and peaceful on that day. Although he did not carry out his obligations, Friday prayers.Â
When it was time for the boys to Friday prayers at the school mosque, Ken went to the cafeteria to buy food, then sat under the laboratory table. Fun with the food while watching James Charles, suddenly, "Hey!" All the food that he was holding, fell. Turns out it was Kina, who caught Ken. "Kin, what are you doing?!" Ken snapped. "Me? Its you! What are you doing in here? Rather of Friday prayers, you're eating instead!" "It's none of your business and it's up to me." Begin Kina's lecture, which was like humming in Ken's ears, because Ken was just nodded and take it. Did not felt 20 minutes was passed, which means, the prayer lecture delivered by Kina has finished. They were silent. Get lost in each other's thoughts. Tick tock. Tick tock. Only the sound of the ticking clock accompanied the silence in the room. At a time like this, Ken only thought about what Jessie had said at the Mall that afternoon. According to him, Jessie had a point too. How long will Ken have to pretend to be someone else? How long will Ken not to be able to enjoy his life to the fullest?
"Kin, Why am I should be gay?" Kina looked up, greeted by a sad look on Ken's face. Kina did not immediately answer Ken's words. She was silent for a moment, thinking. "Maybe, there is a meaning behind all of this, Ken. Allah is Most Good, Most Merciful, Most Everything. He will surely help you, so draw closer to Allah, Ken. God willing, all your feelings of anxiety will be treated." "I know you do not want to be in this position neither. But you can avoid things that make you fall even more. You can stop liking Virzha. You have to remind yourself often that it is wrong. Because, being gay is a big mistake. Humans are created in pairs. You can go to a psychologist, Ken." According to Ken, there was something wrong with Kina's words. Ken knows that being gay is wrong, and he does not want to be in this position. But why can not Kina understand him? Why did Kina even tell Ken not to like Virzha? Ken also can not control who he wants to fall for? Also, is it gay, a disease? Ken had not felt any pain all this time. He just felt different. "You think I'm sick, Kin? Why are you saying it is like cornering me, huh? I just want to vent my worries. But that does not mean you can judge me that way. I do not accept it, Kim." Kina was trying to explain her words. "Ken, I do not mean to judge you badly. But I'm just reminding you. Moreover, we are fellow Muslims. It's the right thing to remind each other, Ken. I'm saying this because I care about you." Ken, who was already annoyed, finally left and ignored Kina's last words.
When Ken got home. Jessie was already in the living room, waiting for him. Ken was surprised, what did Jessie want? It turns out that Jessie did not go to school today. And because of that, he asked Ken to hangout.
