Parenting: Encouraging Helpfulness, Instilling Independence, Building Self-Esteem

Brie is now 3 years and 3 months old. And for the past few months, she's been an active helper whenever we are at a restaurant or a supermarket =) "She's still so small, what does she do exactly?", some did ask me personally. Well, here are some examples of the things she's been doing: 1. At a restaurant - Goes to the cashier and asks for the bill from the staff (only when the cashier is within a good distance, ie. Where we can still watch her) - Goes over to the cashier with the cash and bill (usually accompanied by sister / brother if they're around) - Gives us the change - Orders the drinks (verbally to the waiter/waitress) (It'll be a simple, 'Sir, one Teh Botol, please. Thank you.' =) 2. At a supermarket - Goes over to the weighing station and gives the plastic bag / vegetables to be weighed - Waits for the staff to give her back the bag, gives the bag to me - Arranges (tidies up) the stuff we buy (while she's inside the trolley) - Picks up the stuff from the trolley (while standing inside the trolley) and places them onto the cashier counter - Gives the ATM card to the cashier staff, receives the receipt and passes it to me (Btw, Anya and Vai also were introduced to such activities since they're little. And by now, they help by picking the groceries I need to get, etc)

Now. "Why would you introduce your small child to such activities?", some ask. Let's see. Here are some values and principles that we hope to instill in our children: > Letting children feel a positive sense of achievement When Brie successfully completes a task, and sees a big smile on my face, I can see how proud and happy she feels. It's like, 'Wow! I've helped Mommy! I could do it!' > Allowing them to gain more confidence when speaking to strangers (eg. Restaurant staff), and communicating their requests clearly to others When a waiter actually understands their request and gives them what they ask (eg. Two packets of tomato sauce at McDonald's), I can see their confidence in themselves increases. It's like, 'Whoa! They listened and understood me!' These things may seem simple, but they matter a lot to little children and their self-esteem.

> Instilling a sense of responsibility and the need to help others We hope our children always feel: "I need to take part and help out others, too." (Especially since it doesn't always come naturally!) When they see how others are 'positively impacted' by their 'helpful actions', we believe it will encourage them to help others more and more. We hope. > Letting them exercise good manners Through such activities, the kids really do learn about queuing up, waiting for their turn, about thanking the staff upon receiving help, saying 'please, etc. Children are never 'too young' to learn such values, ... yes?

[3.5yo Vai ordering his ice cream cone on his own] > Instilling independence since young I must say, sometimes we parents 'underestimate' the abilities of little children, don't we? So much so that we often 'disallow' them from doing much for themselves and for others. Basically, the question is: do we often discourage them from contributing much to the family? In our family, we believe that our children, since young, need to learn how wonderful it is to be independent, to do things themselves, ... because it also means they're helping others, eg. When Brie puts her clothes on by herself before going out, she's also giving Mommy the time to get ready before going out). ... Btw, here are some past blog posts on this topic that I've written: > Parenting: Encouraging Responsibility and Independence http://www.oureverydaythings.com/2010/03/parenting-encouraging-responsibility-and-independence/ > Parenting: Letting children do their own stuff http://www.oureverydaythings.com/2013/09/parenting-letting-children-do-their-own-stuff/ > Getting kids involved around the house http://www.oureverydaythings.com/2008/05/getting-kids-involved-around-the-house/ > Parenting: Encouraging kids to help out around the house (Part 1) http://www.oureverydaythings.com/2011/02/parenting-encouraging-kids-to-help-out-around-the-house-part-1/ > Parenting: Encouraging kids to help out around the house (Part 2) http://www.oureverydaythings.com/2011/02/parenting-encouraging-kids-to-help-out-around-the-house-part-2/ ... Happy parenting, everyone! =)