When I graduated elementary school, I thought I had finally gotten to a place where I have a say on where I would like to continue my education. Boy, was I wrong. Like many families in Indonesia, a child’s education options is not only their parents’ business, but their grandparents, their aunts and uncles, and all other strangers that strangely enough have no professional qualifications whatsoever to weigh in on such matters. So I entered the school that was chosen for me without having consulted me first, because hey, what does an eleven-year-old know about their own interests in life, right?
The next thing that happened was as you would have guessed, I felt out of place, I kept making excuses to be excused from class, pretended to be sick a lot so that my mom would write me a letter to skip school entirely, and when I really had to leave the house to go to school, I just bailed and got on an angkot (public transportation) heading to Kwitang. I used to live in Bekasi and it is about 21 kilometers from Bekasi to Kwitang in Central Jakarta. Why Kwitang? Because in Kwitang I could finally feel like I am in my element, surrounded by books, used and new. Books can offer you an escape to whatever land you want, so I escaped and just buried myself in the pages of those books. Be it a novel, a biography, a non-fiction, or even a dictionary.
I had developed quite a distaste for school by the time I graduated from junior high and I felt as if I was once again cornered into an alley and nowhere to run. I graduated with a total absence of more than thirty days in one semester and ranked third highest in class. How so? Because I realized that it is the school that I hate so much, not the learning part. Thus, I decided to give high school a chance. Actually, I gave high school two chances: yes, I transferred to another school after three months on the first school and lasted about a month-and-a-half at the second school. So, I told my parents and my relatives that I just didn’t feel like going to school anymore. They finally gave up persuading me to go to school. What they didn’t know at that time was that I have another plan in mind.
As I previously mentioned, what I dislike is the school, the system, and the environment and what I love is the learning process, I love studying especially on matters that interests me. I then came up with a conclusion: who has an absolute say on what matters they want to study? College students. So, all I have to do is to get myself to college, right? And I did. Through a government program that is known as Kejar Paket C, a non-formal education program that is initiated for anyone who would like to get a certification that is equal as to the certification issued by formal institutions. There are Paket A, Paket B, and Paket C. The Paket C program is equal to formal high schools.
Here comes the next challenge: convincing my family that I actually know what I want to do with my future and life. Doubts of course come naturally when you are dealing with the odd one out in the family, and in my family, I am probably the exact definition of the term “black sheep”. I then sat my parents (and of course my other relatives) down to try to explain to them what I have planned for my academic future. The plan is simple: register to join the Paket C program, get the certificate, and apply to the college or university of my choice. Naturally they were a bit surprised when they found out that I even consider going to college, but not as surprised as the time they found out which college that I plan on going to: a philosophy school. The rest is pretty much textbook, they of course questioned my intentions and choice on why on earth would someone (like me) go to a philosophy school for? What can you do with a degree in philosophy? What sort of job options would be available for me later in life? I gave them an honest answer: I don’t know. Not now. What I do know is that this is the first time in my life that I am sure of what I really want, that I can do this, and I can do it well. I gave them two options: they can either be supportive and helpful; or they can back off and respect my decision.
After getting my Paket C certificate, I ran to the administration office of the school of my choice, registered, take the test, pass the test, and get on with my study. I got my first part-time job as a storekeeper at one of the largest bookstores in Jakarta on my second semester and have been juggling school and work ever since. Yes, I faced a ton of obstacles through the years, and more often than not my plans go sideways, but I am still here, trying to get my plans to work. No, I haven’t finished my undergraduate, yes, I still believe that I can and am working to do so. Funny thing is once you found the answer to one question, there are other questions waiting to be answered. The next question is: what am I supposed to do with my life and the knowledge that I have now? How can it matter? And for whom? Luckily for me, I don’t have to face those questions alone again.
Maria Dolorosa Farah Diena is an undergraduate student at Sekolah Tinggi Filsafat Driyarkara, a teacher, a translator, an interpreter, and a person who simply tries to find another reason to wake up in the morning because she is an a very serious relationship with her bed.
