surat ini, dulu saya buat, untuk seseorang yang sangat saya sayang. saya tahu sebenarnya ini tidak pantas untuk saya post. karena ini sama saja dengan mengexpose perasaan saya sendiri. tapi, hanya lewat blog atau media social, saya bisa mengungkapkan perasaan saya kepadanya.
surat ini sudah pernah saya post di blog saya. dan blog saya itu sendiri tidak lain dan tidak bukan saya buat untuk mencurahkan perasaan saya yang mungkin tidak akan mungkin pernah bisa dimengerti olehnya. surat ini saya buat, ketika saya menyatakan perasaan saya kepada orang yang saya suka, dan seperti yang sudah saya duga, dia pasti akan menolak saya.
saya tahu cinta tidak bisa di paksa, saya sangat tahu. dulu mungkin saya memang egois, menganggap bahwa cinta harus saling memiliki, harus dan wajib, karena kalau tidak memiliki bagaimana dia bisa tahu kita mencintainya. tapi setelah saya mengenal dia, saya mengerti, saya menjadi dewasa karena nya. cinta tidak harus memiliki, asal dia bahagia, walau tidak bersama kita. cukup hanya memantau nya dari jauh.
saya selalu berharap, salah satu postingan saya di blog, bisa di lirik oleh salah satu media massa, dengan harapan dia bisa membacanya dan mengetahui bagaimana sebenarnya perasaan saya. saya tahu ini tidak mungkin, tapi hanya dengan cara ini saya bisa menunjukkan perasaan saya, ketika tidak ada satu orang pun yang bisa mengerti.
semua cerpen, dan puisi, saya persembahkan khusus untuknya.
I know I could not change everything in life, and definitely I could not control your heart too. I have done everything I could to show you my effort, my sincerity.
In the first place, I never thought that I would like you crazily like this. Remember when morning came, I always sent you a morning greeting, and when afternoon came, I always reminded you to have your meal on time. And when the night came I always said "Good Night oppa, ^^". But you always replied me with a short response. It's ok, it doesn't matter for me.
I'd collected Teddy Images as much as I could to sent it to you by hope that you'll like it. I still remember the day when I took a picture with "D" letter, I bought cupcakes for you, and a comic for you to read, because the story is similar with mine, hope that you'll notice my feeling. On Valentine's day, I gave you a box of chocolate, valentine's card and tie as valentine's gift to you. You did not like it though. I bought you a sweater, sent it to your office, but you said it doesn't fit you well. "Stupid!" I always said it to myself because I could not give something that can make you happy. But you say "It's ok, thank you chel. :) " Just with your simple word it already comfort me you know.
The day before your birthday, I'd prepared everything for your birthday celebration. Birthday cake, even if I have to find it till quite late. And especially, I'd prepared myself to confess my feelings to you. I prayed to God as well, let's tomorrow will be nice to me.
Unfortunately, on that day it was raining heavily. I felt panic and scared that rain would ruin everything. But thanks God, my friend had helped me by sent me over to your office. Finally we met!! But sadly, you said you have other things to do and I gotta wait for you for a while. It was nearly 2 hours but it's okay. It's already 3pm, and coz I was in hurry, so I texted you and you told to me to come to your office directly. My heart beat so fast. Nervous coz its close to the confession time.
Gathered all the courage I had, I convinced myself that I can do it!
I came to your office, and said “Happy Birthday!”, You came to me with a smile. I was so glad that you like the surprise that I gave to you. But when I tried to confess, “Would you like to be my boyfriend?”, without a doubt you say “I can’t”
After that day, I felt like my life is over. I didn't know what I should do. I just kept on looking to your pictures and kept on crying and crying.... I just listened to the songs that could make me feel sadder. I felt like hollow. Cried again, my love who I loved like my own life, has gone. You could not imagine how broke my life after that day. Everyone will start to think that I’m crazy, because they don't know how it feels like when your love one does not have the same feeling for you. It suckssss!!!
Every night I always pray and pray that someday you'll like me too, that you would be mine. Can you feel it? Can you listen to my heart? Do you see my tears? Do you know how much I'd cried because of you? Sometimes you're just so closed as if I could catch you, but when I do, you are far away like a wind. There’s nothing else I can do, I won’t bother you anymore. I know that love cannot be forced. Your happiness it’s enough for me. Please don’t forget me, don’t forget me the one who love you the most, just remember always that I love you. If one day that you've changed your mind, and started to love me, I’ll always be there.