Today a friend was talking to me regarding online dating and hence, I thought I shall share my own view on this matter. To be frank, at this stage of life, I no longer recommend online dating with one exception that I shall mention at the end of the post. It is an unavoidable issue of course from the perspective that nowadays a group of people no longer have time to have a normal social life due to the work pressure. We have the tendency to be locked up in our cubicle with work and keep focusing about it even when the office hours are over. This situation made us find a way in front of our gadget to have a sense of relationship through the cyber-world. Or in other situation, it could be just a coincidence that you meet someone on facebook or chat room with whom you eventually be interested in.
Now, the question is... Is that for real?
I can't judge that it is for real or not for real because if I say it is a bullshit, then definitely there are living proof of people who met in cyber world and work out through their relationship in a wonderful manner. If I say it is risky, you could say that even in real-life relationship, the risk could be unbearable. Well, that's true. There is no way of saying that this is the best way of having a relationship and that is not the way of having a relationship even though I personally would say that Long Distance Relationship is no longer an option in my life.
Now, there are basically two groups of people when it comes to online relationship. First, the people who limit whatever the cyber relations are only on their gadget without making a move to make it physical. Mostly, this is done for talking about personal issues where they can't discuss with people who are "not" strangers to them. It would give them a sense of relief to get certain things off the chest to someone they don't know anything about.
Second, the people who wish to continue the cyber relation to the real world relation. Now, this is where the complications arise. We have been knowing a person through the screen for months or years at times without really feeling their presence in our circle. We can't properly see their visage, their expression towards certain situation, or the proper tone when they are speaking. Most of real-life reactions are spontaneous, while online reaction has what I call as "pause" where you could tailor your reaction towards what you are supposed to say or do. THIS, folks, shall create an "imaginary personality" of a person towards the perceptions of others. You could realize that Mr. X or Ms. X is very calm in speaking and dealing with issues, but when in reality, the same person could blow you off the roof with their raging words or raging manner. This symptom is not something that you could observe in Long Distance Relationship.
Not a few conversation I have heard where people do online dating and when the time finally comes the time to meet the other person, they said:
- "Oh, the way she walks is funny. I can't tolerate that for the rest of my life." or
- "Jeez, the way he is eating is like a pig." or
- "Sweet mother of God, he is damn macho on cam but his mannerism is like a sissy." or
- "For God's sake, she dresses like a cheap." or
- "I feel sorry that I said I fell in love with her." or
- "Finally, I realize that he doesn't deserve to be a part of my family."
Are those familiar folks? Well, I'm sure they are. And when does this happen? It happens after you say "I love you" or "I don't care whatever it is, I would fight for you." Â yada yada yada.
What I wish to convey here is that, human interaction as what I know is feeling the presence of a person around us, even though in very rare cases, some people could manage Long Distance Relation in a very strong manner. We may not realize it but when we have a person around us, we catch their aura, the energy they are giving out of their body. Have you ever sat in a bus and a neat beautiful lady or handsome man sit beside you and yet you feel utterly unsafe, while at other incidence you have a punk sitting beside you and yet you feel safe? Now, it is our body reaction towards their aura. You don't have this on online relation.
One other issue is that on online conversation, the accountability of our words is very low because the escape route is generally easy. We have the tendency to say things which we can't be responsible with. For example, you say "I will do this." but when it comes to reality and you come in front of her/him and claim "You said you will do that, please do that.", the other person could freak out. Why? Because he/she didn't realize the momentum of his/her words in reality. He/She realizes that he/she can't be responsible on such issue in reality. He/she realizes that he/she can't do "this" in reality. In the end, it would come as this "In online it was different, but in reality it is different." or "I didn't know that you were serious".
So what is the solution for this? You may proceed with online dating, but don't decide to tie the bond immediately. Spend some quality time in the same place for some time. Meet up in regular basis, strengthen the pre-online-relation, see how each other actually behave in real life among the friends, family, and society, get comfortable with each other and then proceed from that.
For all the youngsters out there whose hearts are still newly blooming with young love or for those who are desperate to find love, please take it slow. It's better to be cautious than to be sorry. Open your eyes, strengthen your shock absorber, limit your trust, limit your faith towards the other person, be critical, and don't be stupid because some of you may not have a father or a brother or a strong family to protect you from the harm done. Protect yourself and dignify yourself. A good man for a good woman and A good woman for a good man, always.