After Six Years, Still Not Wanting Children

Friends my age and my partner's age are either pregnant or already have their first kid, some even second. After almost six years since childfree was our decision, we still do not want kids.

Abortion came into discussion, around four years ago, for the first time. At that time, I was upset knowing that if I happen to be pregnant, my partner wanted me to keep the baby. Four years later, specifically last week, I told my partner how I'm probably open to keep the baby, if by the time I have it, I am already much richer and ready. I could change my mind someday, I said.

 I was surprised to find out how he is the one who actually has changed. He now really doesn't want children, and if I decide to keep it, he won't be willing to take part, including financially. Conclusion: People do change.

Maybe that's the reason why just last night I had this dream: Suddenly I have a toddler, who keeps crying and not willing to be left at all. It was morning, my partner was preparing to go to work. I was in the bedroom holding the kid, perhaps I was a full-time mother? 

At that point, I was mad because I wanted to have time for my morning skincare (which in real life I really enjoy) and then I had to cook some veggies for my lunch. As I went outside the bedroom, suddenly my partner was there, playing his playstation (shouldn't he go to work? dream is random). 

I became so angry and threw the kid to him. I said things like: You told me you won't want me to keep the kid. Why you let us into this? (i guess in the dream he finally wanted to be responsible, didn't care enough to help me calming the kid though). Also: You should better have started to think where we will live next! (because in real life we are living in a tiny one-bedroom apartment). Then I cooked my veggies, but I just already lost taste, and left them uneaten. 

Hell, I woke up today feeling like I just got enlightenment. Nope. Still no kids for me. My partner woke up earlier. I directly told him the clear dream I just had. He only laughed and we f*cked the nightmare away...