Broke One Rule

[caption id="attachment_131172" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Rule 1"][/caption] Broke One Rule, which is : Thou Shall Not Talk About Your Fellow Kompasiana. I tried not to use letter "I", "me" on every posting, but today i have no choice to use it. Why? Because I was bother by posting on blogs tips with Headline, "Awas! Ada Teroris di Kompasiana." So I did click on that, and read words after words in the middle of the night. I was so sad to read that, because what is behind the meaning of these writing. Usually, It did not bother me that much about many of posting that came a cross at Kompasiana. But this one, make me wonder, and puzzle by I'm reading. I seen many of Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) posts, from my experience was done 90% by men. But, in this post, showing a female that did it. Why? How come? How could this be? From victimology stand point, which by definition is: vic·tim·ol·o·gyNoun/ˌviktəˈmäləjē/ 1. The study of the victims of crime and the psychological effects on them of their experience. 2. The possession of an outlook, arising from real or imagined victimization, that seems to glorify and indulge the state of being a victim. To get more deeper, why don't we look at the victim itself, by Wikipedia means: Emotional distress as the result of crime is a recurring theme for all victims of crime. The most common problem, affecting three quarters of victims, were psychological problems, including: fear, anxiety, nervousness, self-blame, anger, shame, and difficulty sleeping.[2] These problems often result in the development of chronic PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Post crime distress is also linked to pre-existing emotional problems and sociodemographic variables. This has been known to become a leading case of the elderly to be more adversely affected.(Ferraro, 1995) Victims may experience the following psychological reactions: Increase in the belief of personal vulnerability. The perception of the world as meaningless and incomprehensible. The view of themselves in a negative light.[2] The experience of victimization may result in an increasing fear of the victim of the crime, and the spread of fear in the community. But on this case, I mean on this Post, I did not see who's the victim or the real reason why she or he's become the victim. By far, what is Robert Firestone, PhD describe on his blog, "Victims" deal in judgments and "shoulds" in interactions with others. They operate on the basic assumption that the world should be fair: "I should have been loved by my parents." "My children should call me or write to me." "After all that I've done for her, the least she could do ..." This type of preoccupation with "rights" and "shoulds" is irrelevant to the real problems that we are all faced with; it leads to inward brooding, righteous indignation and vengeful feelings. Worse yet, angry, victimized feelings are bottled up inside, contributing to depression and psychosomatic disorders. His conclusion was, Playing the victim is maladaptive. Even though passive manipulations may occasionally work, taking this powerless position hurts the perpetrator and is never in one's best interests. In the long run, it does more harm than good. People can control their destructive urge to play the victim by acknowledging that their personal world and the external world contain many inequities and social injustices that are discriminatory and unfair to individuals or groups of people, yet they can take power over their lives. Despite these negative circumstances, there are active remedial solutions available to make an effective adaptation. These “self proclaimed victims” do not have the ability to look at a situation that may not have gone the way it should have and say “what did I do to contribute to the lack of success”, or “what part did I play in getting the poor results we received”, “or what am I doing or didn’t do that is resulting in this result”, or better yet – “what do “I” need to do to make this or my situation better”?  They lack Emotional Intelligence and self-awareness.  Most people I have come across do not tell them what they think of them because they feel it won’t make a difference anyway.  These “victims” refuse to hear it, so why bother? These individuals who I have labeled “victims” need a great deal of coaching. They need to learn to listen and begin the journey of finding out how they are being perceived by others. We should all be concerned about how others perceive us. Why, you may ask? The reason is – how people perceive us will determine how they treat us as well as what they tell others about us. We spend our entire career building our reputations, therefore, we need to be conscious of the way we are communicating verbally and non-verbally to others as well as the impact we are having on them. So my own conclusion, are.. " We need to stand up." "Never blame others." " It does not matter, how many time you'll fall." "What's matter, how many time you get up." "Fight, what you believe." "Never Give up." "Never surrender." "Be a gown up." As adult, men or women, should understanding the world does not evolve around us. Life is so hard, do not make more harder that already is. Enjoy the life, share your joy, your love, your hope.... Never let anyone, I mean anyone tell you, that you are not good enough. Kompasiana is enough place to accommodate many writers. Writers that have good faith, whom want to share and connecting... expand their network. Jack Soetopo