I think that in the back of my mind, I've always known that I needed therapy. All the signs were there but I never wanted to admit it. I put up a struggle for years telling myself that I was "fine" and not to talk about my feelings because my problems weren't that bad.
The times I did go to therapy, I didn't want to be there. I was forced by some adult to go to feel better, and I absolutely hated it. If I'd had known what resistance was back then, I would have been the textbook definition.
Now that I'm almost 20 and have been "seeing" therapists for a little over a year, I can confidently say that I have carried that resistance over with me. Opening up and accepting help has been a barrier that I can't get over and it's really held me back from making any progress.
An hour long argument about not needing help only reiterates that I do need help and that I need to find a therapist I am serious about. This is my fresh start at getting help. I need to start convincing myself that therapy can help as long as I allow it to.
After quitting with another therapist today, I've decided that I need some accountability. I took to the internet because I'd loved journaling, and this is basically public journaling.
I am just sharing my story and my experiences in the hope to help myself. I am still learning and evidently in the very early stages of it. I'd love to share my triumphs (and mistakes) with you all and if it helps at least one other person feel a little bit less alone, then I'll be happy.
