Watching the Spring rain falls steadily outside my window,reminds me with someone I ever loved, called Alex.The air is fresh mixed with the scents of broken pink flowers on the front yard.I open the door a bit to let the humid out, and listening to the rain drops hitting the concrete of the driveway.
A soft breeze blows down the empty street, shaking the top of the trees, and blowing a dirty trash away.For a while I am still here, thinking of the past,a hazy memory that frequently comes to the surface.The rain brought me back on the early evening Spring years ago in New York City, also the pleasant smell of the air.
In that afternoon after the church, we stood under the canopy, waiting for the rain eased.A strong wind occasionally blew my hair and made me shivering.For a while we kept silent, but we both knew what kept nagging our heads.It's about Alex's intention to go back to his country seeing his sick father.Even he had assured me to be back soon, I was still in doubt to let him go.Just afraid of loosing him.
"Susan, believe me.I won't be long.As soon as my father gets well,we'll be together again.May be just takes a couple of weeks,"Alex whispered closed to ear.
Still confused, I was silent.Instead I gazed at the cloud above grew darker, and the wind began to pick up again, but I didn't care.For me this problem was too complicated.
"Alex, honey, I understand your father's health is importand.What I worry is the unpredictable.I'm just helpless.Could not bear of loosing you while our baby growing bigger in my belly," I tried to explained my situation while holding his hand caressing my stomach.
Shorthly after that,Alex went to his homeland, left me broke, jobless, because of my pregnancy.The first two weeks, we were still communicating.But at the end of the third week, his call became less.And for the rest of the month he didn't make it.But he finally called telling me he got COVID and still in the hospital.
What I was afraid of, seemed to be true.Made me cried all day.I stll waited to hear his  progress.Hoping he can survive.But when the days passed to weeks, his condition became  worse.I heard only bad news every time I called.And finally I got a big blow hearing from the other side of the globe, that my beloved Alex  could not survive fighting the pandemic.
I screamed, cursing him, curshing myself, and blaming God.
""Oh God, why you gave me this.Why.....!!!"I screamed again several times before collapsing unconsciuusly on the floor.
