Why We Should Have Self-Boundaries?

Have you ever been ordered to? Feel used? And always giving a lot of effort to someone and feeling powerless? It means that you have no boundaries. In a boundary, you indicate what is acceptable for you and what is not. It applies to yourself and to others. Dr Henry Cloud in one of his books said "Healthy boundaries are like property around your home. The fence is one boundary, your front door is another boundary, and the rooms inside are more boundaries. Some people are allowed to enter your front yard, other people are allowed inside, and other are able to enter a room." So boundaries are setting physical space, emotional space, mental and spiritual space for your own self with different priority scales. 

Setting boundaries is not a selfish thing, but protecting yourself so you can live authentically and know your own value. There are some people who are friends with someone just because that person is good to them. The "good" word is often misunderstood. Many people interpret this "good" when that person can always give time for us, we can control what that person has to do with us, we can easily take his energy. This mindset will not give you a healthy relationship with everyone.

If we can set boundaries, it will be easier for us to realize who really appreciates us. We have the right to live independently, which means we don't depend on other people's happiness. Although it is important to have self-boundaries, it is very difficult to apply them in life. While it may be difficult to establish boundaries, it is absolutely essential to do so. The reasons you need to set boundaries with yourself are you need to take care of your needs. If you feel tired of a toxic relationship and you could do it without anyone's permission, it's your life, your choice. You don't have to feel sorry about leaving people who aren't good for you.

While there is such a thing as boundaries that are too strict and too old school. Boundaries are healthy. It allows you to live your life with less anxiety, stress, anger, and sadness. Boundaries limit you with unwanted interactions or relationships, although it keeps your mental health. You need to understand that you have to put yourself first, beside others. It does not mean you are selfish, in fact we have to respect ourselves first than others. Find your values! And you should have the ability to focus on yourself and how your actions, thoughts, or emotions do or don't align with your internal standards as much as "Self Awareness".

Analyze those values and categorize them. We have to challenge ourselves with questions like "Why are we uncomfortable with something?" and "What should we do to face it?" and don't be in denial with the emotions. Find the balance! Remember we are entitled to have self worth, self respect, and healthy well-being.

 Next, apply those boundaries in your life! Be transparent, honest, clear, firm, and respectful when communicating our needs when we are in a situation that we have to do it. No need to feel sorry or apologize for setting your own boundaries. We've done our part, we've communicated our needs in a respectful way, but if this person is still mad with our decision, it's not our problem.

Make sure the support system you choose respects your personal boundaries. Which us people that can help us for figuring out and practicing self boundaries, people that really care about our well-being not people that want to control us. With the boundaries you set, you will get a less anxious life. The time you practice you will discover it. In creating the boundaries it is also important to acknowledge the boundaries that others set around you and to be aware of people.