When Being Nice Is A Straight Oxymoron

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="(llusration: katequeerly.tumblr.com)"][/caption] Do you ever experience a situation which was really upsetting? A situation when you are trying being nice to a person. It would simply start by saying hello and trivial talks of everyday life to a person along the aisle, for example. And happened, you and the person are heading the same place. As you started the chat, it happened to be the person you were talking to was in a perfect silence or not replying. Tough, you knew exactly the person you speak to is conscious and in a good mental state. But as you looked at the person's face, there was only a straight and dull face. No slightest expression of replying or even looking back at you. O, what an upsetting feeling crashing down your feeling. Such a situation you really want to escape and prefer keeping distance with the person. And deep down inside our heart, you don't really want to speak again in your whole life to that person. An Oxymoron Of Being Nice An oxymoron is simply a statement having contradictory element. Such expression of 'bitter-sweet', 'living-dead' etc are the most common in our daily chore. A contradictory expression which really suffices to describe a state of which we have gone through. Such a the expression in Bahasa Indonesia would be like 'asam-garam' as in an expression 'Telah merasakan asam-garam kehidupan'. It has a paradoxical element to be conveyed. People who have undergone the bitter-sweet in life are likely to find wisdom. And this paradoxical element really also occur when we are trying to be nice. Indonesia people are people who adore phatic communion in their life. Trivial chit-chat or asking where will you go are common expression in daily conversation. This phatic communion element in Indonesia is regarded as its custom. Even outsider or foreigner should become aware of the custom. Literally, doing trivial chit-chat (basa-basi) or asking business would be an offence toward one's privacy in the West. But, it is not in Indonesia. Conversely, it would be considered arrogant an ignorant person you are when you don't do such custom mentioned. And in daily basis, the phatic chit-chat is common to build common and shared ground. People here are doing this to build sense of being social and friendly. Saying hello and hereafter doing a trivial chit-chat about the next candidate of president of Indonesia, might build up to firmer social connection and interaction. And by doing chit-chat, each people involve in the situation are protecting their 'face'. Not really a physical face, but our self-portrait to the opposite conversation counterpart. And thus, making each person's face look well and social. However, this scheme of saving one's face is sometimes ruined. You as the one who started being nice, are neglected. The person whom we talk to is silent. No hard feeling, but the situation was like you were talking to a mannequin. A pale and whitish look with no intention to reply our hello or chit-chat. It was a straight oxymoron. As you were trying to safe your face wholeheartedly, but met with such a bitter countenance. And your thought was suddenly gone wild. Your expectation was not as good as you had hoped toward the person. Regardless the person is older or younger than yourself. But such unpleasant face expression and no reply, would then torn down the person's face. Your mind would keep the person's image as arrogant or even pathetic. And you would not prefer to imagine your own face in the person's mind. As being together or even to meeting with the person is not-a-recommended anymore in near future. You might prefer detour your route if by chance you meet the same person. And its paradoxical element of being nice and friendly would probably teach us good lesson. Some person are not as really friendly and social. However, such situation where being nice met with a bitter reply, should not stop us to become friendly than ever before. You can get the 'insolent' person in your 'blacklist', but make sure not all people you know. As you somehow meet the same person giving you bad reply in another time or place, just smile at the person. It would be the least way of being nice. Remember, one friends is never enough, but one enemy is enough. Regards, Solo March 24, 2014 12:33 pm