I Wish

I froze for a moment while holding the envelope that I've just received.

My mind flew to many years back. I had a crush to this beautiful smart lady in the university. I admire her so much. She's one of a kind. No wonder many of my friends like her so much. I heard about her when we were in the third semester. I tried to find a way to know her, but I have no idea how. we never go the the same class at all. Until one day, I had a golden ticket to know her.

It was friday morning, we were there sitting in the lecturer's office. She was waiting for her lecturer and I was waiting for mine. Two different lecturers, two different mission but same room. She was sitting across me, so both of us can see each other. But she was there sitting & reading her magazine. "Hm.. what should I do?"  I asked myself. Then I don't know where the strength came from,  I dare to look at her and i talked to myself : " as soon as she looking back at me, I will give her my best smile ever."  Then, that golden moment arrived, she lifted up her head, looking back at me and before I give her my best smile she gave her first, the best smile ever I've seen in my whole life.

I don't want to loose this moment, I greeted her : " Hi..How are you? Are you waiting for Ms Alita?' my first question that opened a way to many conversation that led me to the chance to be his best friend. Yup, we're best friend since.

From that time, we spent most our time together. I always be there when she need me. I run through the rain to make sure she has her umbrella so she won't soaking wet. I keep awake to make sure she's ok while company her at the hospital for a week. Always there to give her my shoulder to cry on. Up and down our life we shared together.

Our graduation day has arrived. She looks stunning in her 'kebaya' - a traditional outfit. And me myself, wearing a formal outfit, white long shirt, black long tie, black pants and black blazer. We were so proud at that time, finally, our hard work during study time was paid off.  I can't hide my proud when she delivered her beautiful speech before the graduation ceremony started. She was chosen because she has the highest GPA among us, she graduated with the highest title 'Summa Cum Laude'.

Then at night when the graduation party nearly over, we had a chance to sit together & talked. I saw her face, tried to record this moment as much as I can. Then she said to  me : " Thank you for everything. I'm blessed having you during these times." I replied her : " Same here, Thank you for everything . I'm blessed having you during these times."  - Then we both laughs, I don't know why, I can't find the words to say only copied what she just said to me. Silly me... I blame my nerves for this.  Then she got up and before she left the room, she said : " Don't forget tomorrow 10pm, ok." I nodded my head and with a confirmation tones, I said to her : " No I won't forget." I can see a beautiful smile from her face. " Ok then, see you tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of the party. Dad is here to pick me up." she said and wave to me and in a minutes I can only see her back.

"Attention please, first call for all passenger of Emirates Airlines - Jakarta - London EK 359, please approach Gate for boarding. Thank you." - This is it, this is the last time, I'm going to see her. She look pretty as always, I saw her hugging everyone of her family and friends who come to the airport to farewell her. In less than an hour, she is leaving Jakarta to continue her study in London. It's was a nerve racking moment for me, I don't how to describe my feeling. Happy, Proud yet Sad all mixed up. She is walking toward me, and I notice that I'm the last person she approached. I heard she say to me : " The time is here now, thank you for our friendship. I won't forget our times. Oh and this time, please saying something from your own words don't copy mine,will you" she tried to joke like she can see my nervous. I smiled and take a deep breath : " I will try to say something with my own words now." She smile and ready to listen to what I'm going to say to her. I continued : " Take care and Study hard. Make me proud like you always do. Promise! " She nodded her head. " I will, I promise you." she said it firmly. Then we both hug each other.

Today, I've received wedding invitation from her. She's getting married in few months. She has found the love of her life, the person that she's been waiting for. As her best friends I'm happy for her, but as ME, No.. I'm lying... I'm not happy at all.. It's supposed to be me with her, but I never dare to tell her that I LOVE HER.. I LOVE HER TOO DEATH.. I keep it silent, instead. Until today, she never knew that I love her. I Wish I can turn back the time.

- 21 January, 2012-