A Note to Remember: How Could I Fly?

Blue Sunday, First February 2009

Cold in the dawn, 02:30 am…

I’m weighing such as a stone my friend…I even have no afford to lift this body up at all…A stone abandoned in the depth of dead sea...Nothing could be done but flooding my eyes with a gallon of saline tears through this sickening night…

I’m dreaming to be a beautiful dove flying high as light as the cotton is…. I know my wings are no longer sturdy… they’ve already broken, as weak as a new born baby needing a cozy place to shelter…Should I beg to you, my dear God…to let me feel the warmth of your embrace…since I’m tired…tired to death of being treated badly by an obsession named LOVE... a true love to be exactly! It tortures me deep…pulverizes my heart into pieces and I’m here…smacking on the ground helplessly, waiting for the Angel having the willing to fly me up in the sky setting me free out of this messy atmosphere…!

He is nothing, an ordinary one that’s turning to be special for I care for him with all my heart…It is not alike the infatuation feelings of Juliet’s to her Romeo, not even the Cleopatra’s towards her Antonio…

But it is just too close to the warmth of a shining sunshine to the earth…the tenderness of the moonlight towards the darkness of the night…so soft and sincere…But then, do you think that the earth knows how care for the sunshine? Does he know? What about the dark night? Does he understand what the moon feels? Does he?

In a distance, a crop of bushes whisper in gentle, “yes he does…” So does the flowing river crossing the woods, convince me through how deep his appreciation is…, an appreciation of the earth’s toward the sunshine…as well as the gloomy night’s to its lighting moon,

Oh come on… But then, why he never does thing precious but torturing her with hundreds toxic waste? And so does the night with its long, long howl of thousands wolf…too hurt, slicing into my heart like a razor-sharp blade of bamboo…

My Oh My… Enough is enough…

You know what I feel now? It is just like what the corpse says in Pamuk’s note, my name is red, lemme read it through:

“I am nothing but a corpse now, a body at the bottom of a well. Though I drew my last breath long ago and my heart has stopped beating, no one, apart from that vile murderer, knows what’s happened to me.”

Well then… I feel far better now, for having pouring out my pent-up feelings to you my friend,

Thank you anyhow,

For sharing,

For being my very best listener,

March 4th 2009

Contemplating….

Every now and then, as being a soul, there’s a time to contemplate about the subsistence of what life is actually, mainly when you find that living on this fleeting planet is not entirely full of thorns, not even blossoms. Indeed, a fish never learns how to breathe in an open space with no water around. So does a worm certainly not wanting to learn how to survive in deep water with no air around. But not for frog that know well how to behave both in the open space and the deep water.And if you’ve got a choice in this life, what should you choose best anyway? I know that you would prefer being a ghastly living thing such as the frog to being the rest, for the shake of your life, you say. Then, you are all nothing but a frog, a sturdy frog that resists lingering the very real life. But not I’m. Yet, blaming me for choosing being a fish is not an absolute. For life is full of preference. Yes I’m a fish, a dying fish out of water. I need a helping hand. Without a help, a fish would be nonentity. They might not egg on it, but that’s what my heart told me.

18th OF June 20120

Oh.. reading those passages makes me laugh out loud to know how sentimental I was... Really! Was that my writing? My own one? Ah come on the truth is that all what u reveal absolutely came from the deepest of your bottom heart, did you? Well, think nothing of it.. a past is just past... Never be made a fuss any longer! : ) *smile with two lips turning U letter : )

Just a note to remember. How my life drew back was such a pathetic one! Remember Dear Dow... Happiness is a choice.. It is not determined and forced given by God! Nope...You are the decision maker.. whether your gaiety will be indulged of or just drowned deep into the deep blue bringing you into nothing but ongoing suffering! Ah LIFE is too short if merely to spend complaining and complaining... I am no longer a  girl with a crop of MOURNING on her lips... I am far stronger than I used to be... So many things I found around have taught me... An OCTOPUS with its poignant sand turning into magnificent PEARL.. A porcelain with its unworthy swampy  clay altering into dazzling one... For indeed, LIFE is a school to learn  and learn... It is not the one who is strong in psychically appearance   defined as the WINNER, nope! But the winner is for those who STAY standing up still when life going up and down..

And love...  IS BORN TO FEEL : NOT TO HURT

If it hurts you, It is caused by your EMOTION, not love.. [didowardah]

*Enjoy my Yanni: One's Man Dream...