Aspiration in Life

I have been trying to be completely present to my self for the past couple of days. By present I mean is completely absorb the feelings you have, no matter how negative it is, without trying to ignore it, or diverti it in to something like tv, reading, friends, etc. I just sit compeletely still, keep my breathing normally without unnecessary pause, become aware of my entire breath and saying to my self softly “ I am compeletely be with you now”. Why do I bother to do all of this stuff? It is to practice something called negative imprint within your soul. Basically what you do is to find this core negative imprint, by begin to watch your breath and calm your mind; much like you would with any other meditation. Take notice that no matter what the circumstance or whom you were with, the feeling is always the exact same one. Just feel this feeling. Feel its sensations within your body. Observe it and fully experience it.

One afternoon, I listened the video from spiritual catalyst, Teal Swan, about “Core Imprint” she basically saying that when talking about negative emotion, actually there is an emotional core imprint that embedded within you, this core imprint lead you to your actual life purpose. The sucks thing is that eventhough your situation and condition keep changing from time to time and so with all the drama. Your feelings will remain the same. And speaking about the mega question that has been asked for a million years by our ancestors which is “What is your life purpose” Teal stated that  “Your purposeis always revealed as a result of discovering your core negative imprint” This is some excerpt from her thoughts:

“Once you have adopted this core negative imprint, until it is integrated (potentially for the rest of your life), it will reflect again and again into your adult experience, most specifically in your relationships. You will think that you are in a relationship with different people and you will think you are having different experiences and that the relationships end for different reasons. But this is not the case. What you are missing, is that the FEELING is always the exact same in all of these seemingly differing situations. This core feeling signature, keeps repeating itself as if crying for integration over and over like a skipping cd. If we want our relationships to be different, we must recognize this core imprint, we must become aware of its role in our soul progression. We must use it to find out what we are doing here.

Speaking about my core negative imprint, well, I’m not sure because it is so many thing, it’s like a bunch of expired milk, you have zillion of bacteria inside. Is it freedom? Since I have been experience tortured and captivity? Is it trust? because I have a lot of trust issues, is it the arbitrary? Is it humanity? Is it to be authentic and free from guilt feelings? Why  is it so difficult to find my negative imprint? To tell you the story, let me begin with Aristotle legendary quote:

“To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.”

Well, Hello Mr. Aristotle, I think you are completely wrong with your statement. I don’t know in your era, but in my era for instance, when you do nothing, say nothing and absolutely be nothing, you are not only the subject of criticsm but also extreme bullying. That pretty much what happen in my society. They just bulying each other, particularly the one who just say nothing and do nothing. They keep thinking that they hold the key of ultimate truth and what they are concern with is extremely important. Try to make their thing in to everybody business and therefore everybody should act, do something, and help if they need help. Before you realize you would have been eaten alive by the emotional vampire in our society. Trust me there are many of them. I almost believe the vampire thing also runs in my blood somehow. Critism flying in the air like shooting stars, the good thing about it is that people beginning to develop a very thick skin. This is somekind of improvement of the evolution of human kind. Now we have stainlees steel mentality that never take any criticism at heart. Or at least they seem that taugh. The quality that unfortunately did not passed to my gene and I also believe that I am not alone in this. Back to my earlier story about this so-called-routine that I just started. It helps me a lot to be grounded, accept the reality, and to dig deeper about my aspiration in life. Turn out I still have my ultimate dream to be a  before anything else. And because of that I create this writing.

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2. So basically I was just imagine if I have a genie, and he can granted me some wishes? What are the things that I really want to ask from him. Is it wealth? Is it power? Is it an immortal life? Spotlight? Jewelry?  And then I made a wish, if the Genie shows up one day :D, ofcourse I did not limit the request to only three thing in life, but I then realize some of the quality that I really longing for and by that I then realize that  my ultimate aspiration in life is to be happy, I want happiness and by that I mean..
   
3. I want an ultimate courage, I will need it to stand for my self and other.
   
4. I want a strong character, the one that all warrior have.
   
5. I want him to give me humility, to be able to accept my self the way I am and other the way they do
   
6. I want a smart and tactical brain, so that I can help others and not get fooled by others
   
7. I want him to give me patience to fully realize that everything will happen at the right time and     what is meant to be will become
   
8. I want him to give me self love and self trust. To ultimately believe that I can count on to my self no matter what is the circumtances and that I am powerful and genius enough to get anything that I want and to get out of any kind of trouble.
   

Those are the thing that I want most right now, and now I believe that the best thing in life can not be bought by money J Well the genie will never come I know and in the end of the day, the only one that I can count on to grant me these wishes is my self. So “Good luck Dee! I’m sure you can have all of them! Just do not think that you will get it easy!” in a note I said to my self. I believe this will be a life time learning and I will try to remember all of this aspiration. So what is your aspiration in life?