Mental Proximity

when two individuals, or more, sit around together, what really defines the proximity between and among them? say some co-workers, classmates, friends or principally anyone group together and share some ideas, events or even people. how can you tell that these people have developed intimacy, or at the very least emotional proximity?

experts have faith in that some people will show certain body language or physical clues as to whether two people or more have developed intimacy. conformity. that's the word. when at least two individual share common interest they will conform to each other, sometimes unconsciously.

so, a small clue to see if someone really digs you is their conformity. say, if you fold your hands and your fellow seem to unknowingly fold their hands, it might be a sign of interest. likewise, it also tells that if your fellow forcefully show opposite bodily clues it could be a sign of disinterest.

so check out your fellow's bodily clues next time you try to have some small talk.

but i'll give you a bonus. it's not only some bodily clues, which one can really fake. in fact, most people who knows these things and try to show some formal respect will try to send you signs of conformity that only your unconsciousness can catch. that way, you can be misguided into thinking that the thing you're discussing is interesting.

as your conversation gets hot, though, can you only see real interest. say you were talking about how much your work is stressful and boring for you, and all of the sudden, a friend of yours tries to match your horrible situation. she will convince you that her job is way much more stressful than yours. and people in the group will take turns into convincing you that their job is by all means worse.

let's try something else, this conversation actually happened in my sister's hospital room. as my sister complained of how much painful the surgery was and how much stressful being locked down in a room without the chance to move around as she pleases it, some relatives who were there will take turn to recite their own hospital experience. point is, they shared how much worse and horrible their personal experience was as compared to my sister's.

beware, it's not an underestimation of what actually happened with my sister. it's empathy.

the most apparent empathy is actually that. when you told how bad are the things that happen to you, people will try to convince otherwise. that yours is not the worst ever and that some other people out there, even some people who you actually know personally, have had worse experience.

that is empathy.

trying to conform emotionally, telling your friend that you shared same pain. that the trouble you're going through is not the worst yet. that you have people who share common pain. that you are not alone in this.