When you fall, one of the things you might tell yourself is, "No one understands me." When you are hurt, you might also think that no one can heal you. Indeed! No one will ever fully understand you! Likewise, no one can heal you! Others cannot see your whole picture; they also cannot see your wounds, let alone understand how deep they are. Therefore, they do not know how much pain you are going through.
I want you to understand the perspective that 'when you fall, only you can save yourself.' This is not about encouraging you to be stubborn, or suggesting that you don’t need to ask for help. Rather, it’s a point about recognizing how much you contribute to your own well-being. What you need to realize is that even if others offer you help, if you refuse or do not take action, you will remain stuck.
A simple illustration is when you fall into a deep pit and someone extends a rope to help you out. In that moment, can you be sure that you will get out of the pit? Of course not-you can only get out when you decide to grab the rope and allow the person to pull you out. Only then can you be sure that you will be out.
You need to realize how much your mind contributes to your personal growth. Every step you take and every decision you make have a significant impact on shaping who you are.
I am speaking particularly to those in their early 20s, including myself. Many people in this age group easily stumble because they sometimes get caught up in overthinking, so It’s hard to realize how much control our minds have over who we are.
Conversations with my friends have revealed that many of us feel trapped by the thought of "what if?" It's like a cycle formed by regrets over past mistakes and fear of the future. When a problem arises, our minds tend to create multiple scenarios illustrating the "what if?" It feels like our minds are going round and round on the same issues, burdening our thoughts. Then, when it comes to the time to make a decision, our minds feel heavy and exhausted, leading to confusion.
Some people end up harboring fears, including fear of others, their environment, or even themselves. Some end up blaming themselves. Some even refuse to grab the rope extended by others.
Additionally, everyone has their own considerations when making decisions about themselves. What many people don't see is that some individuals have unspoken traumas. For those in such conditions, taking steps can be difficult. Sometimes, the decisions they make seem wrong to others, but at least it's the way they feel safe.
Eliminating negative thoughts and assumptions is not always easy, especially when negative emotions such as fear or doubt arise. Esfand, in her book Women Self Defense-Merdeka dari Rasa Takut, in the chapter titled "The Power of You", which inspired this article, suggests a few simple ways to reduce negative thinking, including:
- Every time you face a problem, if you usually make 10 negative assumptions, start reducing the scale. First, cut it down to eight, then six, then three. It will be a significant achievement if you can reach zero negative thinking.
- Frequently remind yourself that whatever you do will always impact your personality and life. Convince yourself that the more positive energy you plant within yourself-by affirming it to yourself and trying to act on it as much as you can-the stronger your confidence and belief in the extraordinary power within you will grow.
Negative thoughts that constantly surface will only hide your true potential and strength. These thoughts will portray a weaker version of yourself, full of doubt, and will eventually destroy your spirit and self-confidence. Therefore, it's crucial to guide your thoughts toward positivity, starting by appreciating your small accomplishments. On the other hand, thinking positively when experiencing a problem will also help you become more relaxed and confident to be able to move towards finding a solution.